To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

All sounds a bit far fetched to me.

💯💯💯 she is a known alcoholic but she is being allowed to keep the kids from the father?. Dad can't afford to court for access but can afford a new baby?. Still paying child support when the kids are in your care?. Sounds like a lot of excuses!

So she has a drink when the two DCs are in bed?

I think the DCs are perfectly safe and she is pissed off.

Are we reading the same thread? 🤔

OP says the kids found her blind drunk and choking on her own vomit in the morning.

It all sounds very messy.

She is holding onto the break up, and hurt of being left pregnant and with a toddler. But taking to the bottle is hurting her children and they need to be the priority here.

You having a blow out at her will not improve the situation. If she has been given the children most of the time SS must be pretty happy or surely DH would be the one with the children.

Who've given up on them for the sake for a few hundred pounds, whilst continuing to have more children? That's going to make their future therapists a good living anyway.

I think your focus on your 'spoiled' pregnancy is all wrong. How can either you or your Dh feel joy about another baby when his two sons are in such a dangerous situation? If he doesn't make getting custody of those poor boys his number one priority then he's not a fit father for them or for your own babies. Both of you need to stop thinking of yourselves and think of them.

those poor children need to be as far away from this toxic woman as possible. Thank goodness they have a nice dad, stepmom and brother (soon two) on their side.

Just because she was pregnant when OP and her DH got together doesn't mean it was an affair

you're clutching at straws there....

OP not been back?

Report every single incident. People like that are unhinged, and to be around children is just terrifying.

Report. Every. Incident. Every call, every remark, everything. Eventually it may be enough for a barring order at the very least.

That's what I thought. Just because she was pregnant when OP and her DH got together doesn't mean it was an affair. Although he's obviously moved on pretty quicky. There was only 4 months between my DH splitting with his ex and seeing me, although for him the relationship had been dead for a long time. Thankfully no pregnancy in my case.

OP how often do you have the children at the moment? It's not very clear what the current arrangement is. I know if my DH was in this situation he would just be keeping the kids and letting her take him to court. No way would be better leaving them with a drunk constantly.

I suggest next time he has contact he keeps the children. Even if there's a COA in place he has good reason to be going against it. I've heard plenty of stories of mother's breaking COAs and refusing access just out of spite and there's no repercussions. He then needs to apply to court which costs £232 and he can self represent.

I would continue to log police reports and record calls. Make sure you state that you are recording the call. Keep a diary of everything.

Yes and OP already told ex to "**off" when she slept with her husband while she was carrying their baby.

But OP won't be back.

I think the DCs are perfectly safe and she is pissed off.
A little forward thinking might help. As a pp said, Karma.

So she has a drink when the two DCs are in bed?

Your DH and you are either neglectful parents/step parents or liars and exaggerating.

One or the other.

When did her alcohol problems begin, not long after she was left by her husband for the OW and left to look after a young child while pregnant/2 young children?

So police only considered harassment, not that the kids might not be safe?

Shocking!

What a mess.

So, from the timings you've given, you're the OW and you and DH were having an affair while his then-wife was pregnant with their child. Then he left her with 2 young children to be with you longer term. Now she is expected to co-parent with her ex and the OW. And, she has to cope with knowing that there is a risk of her losing custody of her children and having them go back to live with her ex and the OW. That's a lot for her to 'get over'. Rather than thinking "she's vile", it might help you keep your cool if you can think that she's in a horrible situation, so it's understandable that she'll be upset and not the easiest person to get along with. This isn't a case of an amicable separation and then a new blended family / co-parenting set-up developing years later. She almost certainly won't just 'get over' this or change how she feels, so it's a case of understanding her behaviour, having coping strategies in place, and managing it.

If she's intoxicated and responsible for the children, contact police and social work. If she's wasted, then she can't keep young children safe. Do this every time - even if the police/SW don't do anything the first few times, it builds up a pattern of evidence.

Record and document everything. This is your evidence for any harassment/stalking/other legal case. It's also reflective of her state of mind and fitness to parent if the children are having to see and hear things like verbal abuse and threats to harm their other caregivers. Get legal advice, show it to the police, show it to SW. This is evidence for your custody case too.

Get a legally confirmed custody / child contact arrangement organised. Get legal advice and representation if you need it. A few hundred or even thousand pounds on legal input is worth it, to protect your DH's children. If you'd do it for your child, he should do it for his.

If his ex-wife can't be relied upon to use your personal contact details respectfully, then she needs to not have them, so that you aren't living with stress every time your personal phone rings. Get a 'work phone' which is used solely for communication between DH and her, and give her that number. Either change your personal numbers or block her number. Then, any inappropriate calls are only going to that phone, so you can mentally prepare for it and even mute it if needed. Similarly, get a 'work email' to be used for co-parenting.

The ex will no doubt be delighted to learn that when you have your new child, the amount of CMS she is due will reduce (by about 15% I think).

It doesn't matter in terms of the current treatment of the children or the fact that their father needs to try harder to protect them, but it might well explain her breakdown.

Presumably she wasn't a nasty alcoholic when this star of a man had 2 DC with her?

I'm afraid I'm always a bit wary of men who have terrible exes but "cant" afford to do what's needed to protect their children. As PP said court costs are £300.

Yes, me too. And OP is complaining about the costs of having the children the majority of the time, as if that's not a pretty default situation, especially when one parent is unfit. Would they be happy with the kids gone most of the time if it were possible?

Ex is clearly unfit and I'm surprised the police aren't interested as her behaviour is unacceptable, but as people have said, if the dates are accurate then there would seem to be some missing parts to the picture here. Whatever the truth of the situation, I can't see her fucking off just because you told her to.

I'm afraid I'm always a bit wary of men who have terrible exes but "cant" afford to do what's needed to protect their children. As PP said court costs are £300.

Can you really accept a situation where it's not possible to do whatever it tales to get the children away from this, for the sake of a few hundred pounds?

I'm not saying it's not a terrible situation to be in, it must be awful for everyone, but to give up? Will he give up on your children when they need him most?

I would email the police and social services, and copy in your MP. There’s a very real danger of harm to you and your family. The MP can’t ignore the potential for this to escalate and another big news story of how you came to be harmed due to the lack of action by the authorities. But you do seem to be focussing on anger due to her spoiling your pregnancy rather than concern of her actually following through with her threats to harm. Sounds scarey situation.

Why is the father of the children not fighting more to take them away from an alcoholic mother? Can't afford a solicitor but bringing another child to the world🤨

How are you going to manage if he gets the kids most of the time?

Looks like those 2 kids will be 'forgotten' while he plays happy families again.

I'd get an app to record my phone calls from her. When she does ring up drunk, I'd ask police to do a welfare check on the children because she's called up drunk, every single time. I would also report this to social services.

It should be easier to stop women like this taking their child's money and buying drink etc with it but as she's the 'mother' she gets an easier ride.

I also wouldn’t have told the boys via face time about the pregnancy. That’s not appropriate and you knew the mum would be listening to the call or at least find out straight away. You could have done it in a much more tactful and sensitive way.

concerning that your DH just seems to accept ah well I can’t see my kids, after having been their main carer for quite a while and makes do with FaceTime when she allows it. It doesn’t make him look like dad of the year really.