To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

oh dear it seems everyone on this thread is such a perfect person!
funny how you all had so much sympathy and care for OP until you jumped to a conclusion without op even having chance to return.
maybe OP has a life with better things to do than refresh the mumsnet thread or give attention to nasty women?
OP ignore these awful resources. contact SS, and next time this women harasses you record it and call for a welfare check on the children straight away.

I think people are just ponting out there's another side to this story, which coupled with a DH who isn't so worried he can find a few hundred pounds to do what's needed, but can keep having children, makes people wonder what full story is.

Either things are as awful as OP says and it's appalling that her and DH (and others) haven't done more to protect the DC, or there's some exaggeration.

op didn't 'destroy her life' get a grip. this psychopath is threatening and harassing OP. would you tolerate someone threatening this??? I'm sure you piss port wine don't you

It’s bad, but Lots of women survive that for the sake of their kids without turning to drink

She’d have been back to give is her side of the story if we were wrong.

Even if OP is blameless, that's some shady behaviour from this man, who's apparently the victim in all this.

OP has confirmed she has been with her husband 8 years. Husband’s youngest is 7.

If I got with a guy and he said that his ex had found out she was pregnant, I'd be backing off and telling him to sort his responsibilities. Like any decent woman would.

They could have been separated and the ex found out she was pregnant. I doubt OP will be back though to confirm or deny.

How is it a huge assumption? The OP said herself that her partner and the exes child is 7 and they've been together 8 years. So OP and partenr got together when the ex was pregnant and had a toddler. Of course that will have tore her life apart and caused a lot of damage, to both the ex and the children.

I mean unless the op comes back to confirm she was the ow, then that is a huge assumption.

A nice stepmom? She tore their world apart and turned their mum into a drunk. And a nice dad who can’t spare less than £300 to save them from their ‘dangerous’ home environment. This pair of selfish, self serving cunts are worse because they are the instigators of this whole entire shower of family destruction.

Mum is the only one in this shit show capable of being a good parent but she needs help to get her life back on track. Not a police record and her kids taken away by SS to round off the kicking she’s already had.

I think you already know.

you have to get that lawyer and you have to report EVERY instance of harassment. Especially anything harming the children. Be careful not to coach them, just encourage them to talk to the cops/social worker.

yes it’s expensive and hard and annoying. But it will get her out of your lives or a proper boundary, and save you money in the long run.

for contex on how reluctant they are to restrict parents from their children. I have a friend, her husband beat her to a bloody pulp multiple times. She reported, got all the documents, restraining order, divorced. He still gets too see kids because kids never had any evidence on them. Kids were old enough they begged not to have to see him, but not old enough to choose. Scumbag quits his job and does only under the table work for cash so he doesn’t have to pay support. One day, (and this happened a couple times) school sends home something with her address (rental) beats her up again. They have to move again. Still kids have to see him.

he leaves kids in car in summer for six hours, oldest gets help, calls mom, calls cops, nope still they must stay with him. Oldest develops diabetes, type one. Well managed with mom. Dad doesn’t believe in diabetes, so kiddo lands in hospital MULTIPLE TIMES. Still have to see dad. He still hasn’t left a big enough mark on them.

anyway. One day at work he falls over dead. And no one misses him. Never lost his rights to the kids.

His lawyer was very good. And you need to get a lawyer.

Come on OP we want to know

Someone has already giving her an out if she was having an affair.

She's emotionally abusing them social services take it seriously. Report her she shouldn't have them back full time.

Record the call and report them every time. You need evidence.

oops sorry @diddl

That was my point.

Obviously made badly.

Ok, you need to have a record of this.

Tell your midwife about the threats you received, ask your partner to go to the GP and explain how the stress is affecting him. You may not need additional help but you will need that in record if she does carry out with the threats in the future or to get a non molestation order.

if you don’t have money to go to court, the police should have pointed you to charities that could help you get one. But even if you are not prepared to go into this battle at this time, make sure that you start a record of her behaviour (Like: “Sunday DDMMYY: call received with threats including xyz” note, it is just about facts, don’t include your interpretation of her behaviour, just the facts). This will help you not to be ignored, both police and courts want to see a pattern of behaviour, isolated incidents are more likely to be ignored.

Call social Services and explain the situation. They absolutely know that a new pregnancy can throw a vulnerable ex spouse into a crisis and put the children at risk. Obviously, tell them about the threats as well. They will tell you they can’t do anything, but insist you want your concern recorded as you would hold them accountable if the children get hurt while they were waiting for the “fit mum” to do something that shows she is not that “fit”.

Personally, if I were you and after having to deal with deranged exes, I would put myself and expected baby first:

Take step back out of this drama, don’t answer calls from numbers you don’t recognise.

Let your partner deal with the situation, do NOT get involved at all. if he cannot sort her out or sort the situation with his own children himself, there is fuck all you can do, honest, it is not in your hands.

What I have found with people like this is that if you show them you are fine giving them what they want, they would ask for exactly the opposite. Chances are she is will start pushing for him to increase contact once she realises that you are not fighting for the kids anymore. In the meantime, let your partner reassure the kids they are loved very much and that he is always there at the end of the phone line if they need him, obviously, if she does something that hurts the children or put them at risk he needs to go and pick them up straight away. Could he report to the police if she is drunk while taking care of the children?

I’m not sure she feels like she getting an easy ride after OP fucked her husband and broke up her family.

But I may be wrong and and a couple of quid a week in child support (which is far less than her DH would have been contributing as part of the nuclear family) more than makes up for your life being stolen by another woman.

But the problematic behaviour is more understandable and excusable when you realise the OP destroyed her life. On the other hand, the OP’s attitude is somewhat less than self aware and the least she could do is show a little tolerance for her victim.

Making a rod for your own back springs to mind.

A nice dad and stepmum? You're having a laugh surely? A dad who left when the ex was pregnant, with a very young child, or when the ex had a young child and a months old baby, and a stepmum who was happy to get with a man who should've been concentrating on his tiny baby, or baby that was due imminently? A pair of morally corrupt shits in my opinion.

Poor Poor husband did everything right apparently 😒

Exactly!. They don't really care that they don't have access to the kids only that she is disturbing their pregnancy!