To tell my husbands ex to **** off?!

@jdh877 I haven’t read the whole thread so apologies if this has already been said.

I’m in a similar situation with my partner’s vile and dangerous ex. Recently been through the family court (and won). If you want to message me then please do.

My advice to you is simple - APPLY TO COURT. This won’t resolve itself any other way. If you self rep then it only costs a few hundred quid, it’s the legal professionals that bump the cost up. Most solicitors do a free half hour so I recommend your partner uses that.

The family court remains mother-biased but the tide is turning. Dad has several things on his side here:

Her well documented alcoholism
Interventions from services
Dad having kids full time due to mother’s incompetence.
Her withholding kids from dad for no apparent reason.

The most important thing is the safety and welfare of the kids and they are in danger when in the care of their mother. A good cafcass officer will see this.

I’m surprised the police have not taken her threats of harm more seriously. My partner was told he couldn’t prosecute for harassment as she hadn’t made a threat to his life. I would pursue that a bit harder with the police. If she threatens you again then continue to report her.

Meantime, record EVERYTHING. Phone calls, emails, texts, save everything even if it doesn’t seem important. It will all be needed.

Police are fobbing you off. You can report this. Report every incident from now.

Why would anyone be embarrassed for making assumptions if a poster says they've been with their partner for 8 years and his kids he had with his ex are 7 and 10.😂

There's nothing to be embarrassed about 😂Our brains are literally designed to make assumptions based on the information given.

Why do you keep emphasizing the ASS in assumptions also? 😂weird

If the older child is now 12, he can choose which parent he wants to live with, surely?

Nope. Stand by them. They don’t apply to OP obviously because she fudged the ages badly. But my thoughts on homeworkers still apply.

I'd say the ones who arent the sharpest tools are the ones who would swallow the new ages of the children. Pretty obvious that OP has changed the ages due to letting slip that she was the OW and the subsequent backlash.

Are you actually holding social services at a higher level of responsibility for these children than their own fucking father?! This ‘heartbroken’ useless excuse for a parent has allowed his children to live in an abusive home and for 8 long years has done fuck all in terms of fighting for full custody. He could have kept them last time and forced her to take him to court to get them back. Absolutely unforgivable, and I wouldn’t be surprised if his kids want nothing to do with him when they’re older.

@Nanaof1

You seem incredibly passionate for someone with zero personal interest.
And as for the 'Nanaof1' username - don't we all NC at some point? Many comment on their own threads.
Whether your the OP or not - she fucked up too. Why would she have changed the children's ages in the original post to make it seem as though they had definitely had an affair then backtrack ... all abit strange to me.

Sadly, it'll be the children that suffer more regardless of the adults who fuck up epically.

The "shitshow" isn't at the OP and her DH's home.

Maybe SS can get off their lazy azzes, do what needs to be done and do the right thing, for once. Maybe the ex can realize she is an abusive drunk and get herself into rehab.

BIG difference between coming up with thousands for a lawyer and supporting a child. If SS did their job, a lawyer would not be needed for a long drawn out fight.
GMAFB!

AAawwww!!! You're embarrassed for all the cruel, nasty and disgusting ASSumptions you made.

I'm embarrassed for you. 😎😆

@Nanaof1

Are you the OP? 🫤

Loving this micro obsession with me. This thread is old though so please let it go.

You’re a bit late to the party hun.

I'm still wondering how they can afford to have another child but not a solicitor though. Any decent dad wouldn't bring another child into a shitshow.

I wonder what @StormingNorman 's excuse for the drunk, abusive ex will be now that it knows there was no affair and the drunk is just a drunk.

@StormingNorman sounds like they have some deep, deep issues.

Now you've gone and ruined it for the people whose lives are so sad and pathetic that the only way they can get their jollies is in attacking a poster.

Alcoholism is a "disease" 🙄, but that doesn't mean the ex isn't just a nasty, self-centered, disgusting drunk. But then, if alcoholism is a disease, so is eating too much sugar, shopping too much, eating too much, watching too many sports or stories.......

Maybe OP didn't think that the nasty belittlers on MN would figure it out. They certainly are not the sharpest tools in the shed 99.99999% of the time.

I see you've been busy making ASSumptions.

I hope you realize what that makes you? As usual?

Shame on you and your nasty, sociopathic or psychopathic behavior showing in the posts you make! Not only were you WRONG, but you were TOTALLY wrong!

And then defending a drunk who has no business having custody of VULNERABLE children. I guess you only have sympathy for the drunk. I wonder why? Should I assume "like defends like"?

How old are the kids? Tell your husband to ask them to call him any time they're worried or concerned about anything when they're with their Mum.

Anytime she rings & sounds drunk ring SS to do a welfare check on the kids. record any calls you or your husband receive & log everything she says, verbatim, with times & dates etc. Keep on at SS if you feel the kids aren't being cared for properly or if you're concerned for their wellbeing.

💯⬆THIS

Agreed I’m afraid

I doubt if someone was changing ages for anonymity reasons, they'd change it to the ages that make out it's an affair. More likely the OP has now changed the ages to make it seem like it wasn't an affair (an 'out', as suggested by a PP).

If there had been an affair then it doesn't mean the ex can behave however she likes.

But it would have provided an explanation for why the situation is the way it is.

And if there had been an affair then it would be clear to see how the OP and her husband would have made it all worse, because it came across as extremely hypocritical and superior.

People aren't forgetting anything, but you're being disingenuous if you can't see why the OP got the responses that she did when what she wrote made her sound like the OW. Complaining about her pregnancy being ruined after ruining the exes for example.

Agree 100% @Eggplant44. I don't understand how her husband possibly having an affair while she was pregnant absolves the ex of all responsibility and makes her a victim.

Alcoholism is very much a disease and she deserves stigma-free help and support like anyone else would in her circumstances... but it doesn't mean she isn't a shitty person to start with, whatever the reason for the shittiness. At the end of the day she's using the kids to get back at her ex and there's no excuse for that. A lot of people on here seem to forget that in their haste to batter the OP and pin a scarlet letter to her.