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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect 16 yr old to acknowledge my birthday

92 replies

Pwdhnshb · 30/04/2024 18:40

I probably am being unreasonable so just tell me straight.
Would you expect your 16 year old to acknowledge your birthday with either a card/small present or at least to just say happy birthday?
Was my birthday last week and my DS just doesn't seem to even notice. Was the same with mothers day. Now I don't expect anything but I feel that at his age he now has the money and opportunity to at the very least buy a card? He has a small friendship group and they all buy cards and presents for each other which he always participates in, gifts can be £20-30. He buys them in good time, never forgets etc so I have to admit to feeling a little sad that on my birthday he didn't get me a card or present (fair enough I can get over that) but he doesn't even say happy birthday. Was the same last year too. AIBU?

OP posts:
MichaelatheMechanic · 30/04/2024 19:21

Did you receive anything from anyone else (i.e. Birthday cards up around the house)? If so, it wouldn't hard for him to conclude it's your Birthday.

I wouldn't say anything but I would very much forget his Birthday next time.

FrenchandSaunders · 30/04/2024 19:20

Hurtful at that age and you need to speak to him about it.

Did you do anything as a family that day? Go out for dinner etc?

Notimeforaname · 30/04/2024 19:18

To be honest I've just thought to myself that I'm expecting too much from him so I've not asked.

He can buy presents for his friends but its expecting too much for him to acknowledge his one and only mothers birthday? Fuck no. He doesn't deem yours important enough.

purplecorkheart · 30/04/2024 19:17

Strange question but does he know the date on any random day. The amount of people who could not tell you the date on whatever day of the week not to mind say if it is a loved one birthday.

Notimeforaname · 30/04/2024 19:16

Yes its rude and it has left you feeling upset. He needs to know this. He may or may not care, if he doesn't then dont make a huge deal of his when it comes around. He is old enough to say Happy Birthday!!

Original poster
Pwdhnshb · 30/04/2024 19:15

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 18:42

I’d be upset too. Have you asked why he doesn’t acknowledge those days?

To be honest I've just thought to myself that I'm expecting too much from him so I've not asked.

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 30/04/2024 19:12

SharedAccountWithMySister · 30/04/2024 19:01

I wouldn’t acknowledge his birthday at all. No warning, no heads up. Let them see what it feels like.

This OP.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 30/04/2024 19:12

SharedAccountWithMySister · 30/04/2024 19:01

I wouldn’t acknowledge his birthday at all. No warning, no heads up. Let them see what it feels like.

Me too, and I’d spend the budget on something nice for me. Wouldn’t hesitate.

Itsalwayssomething · 30/04/2024 19:06

What’s your relationship like generally/outwith this issue?

SleepPrettyDarling · 30/04/2024 19:03

I’d be disappointed that he was thoughtless. I’d sit him down and tell him straight that there are things we do in life that are important, and this includes acknowledging birthdays, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, or whatever matter to you. These are social norms, and YANBU to expect a card and a small gift. Even a bar of Dairy Milk with a homemade card won’t break his piggy bank.

SharedAccountWithMySister · 30/04/2024 19:01

I wouldn’t acknowledge his birthday at all. No warning, no heads up. Let them see what it feels like.

LoveSandbanks · 30/04/2024 18:58

My son didn’t wish me happy birthday a couple of weeks ago. When dh spoke to him at bedtime and reminded him “you’ve not even said happy birthday to mum today”. The response from son was “and?” Dh was furious at the level of contempt and ds is now living elsewhere!

ds is 22 (and has autism not that, that’s an excuse)

no, it’s not acceptable, it’s rude, it’s dismissive and outrageously disrespectful. Why doesn’t he just grow up and tell you you don’t matter instead of just implying it by his actions?

Im not actually suggesting that you don’t matter but wtf are they playing at?

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 30/04/2024 18:58

At 16, my son would have needed to be reminded (he still does at 22).

I also didn't expect my 16 year old to spend his money on me. He was still in school with the odd shift at his Saturday job. He was not spending a penny on me.

Kittenkitty · 30/04/2024 18:55

Have you taught him to do yours? Are you giving him warning? Is he the only other member of your family? Does he actually know it’s your birthday?

Grotbagg · 30/04/2024 18:54

I’d say to him that as he didn’t acknowledge your birthday he’s obviously not ‘doing’ birthdays anymore, so from now on does he want you to ignore his?

sleekcat · 30/04/2024 18:52

He should be doing both. I must admit I think it might go over my son's head completely if I didn't casually hint it was almost my birthday though. He's the same age.

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 18:42

I’d be upset too. Have you asked why he doesn’t acknowledge those days?