To expect 16 yr old to acknowledge my birthday

AFAIK, whatever age you are, saying Happy Birthday is free...... and the OP has said he spends £20-£30 on gifts for his friends so he understands how to remember a date and action purchasing a gift in a timely way, for people other than his mum. To say he "shouldn't be spending a penny on his mum" might work for you but let other people value themselves a bit more than that.

My 17 year old has ADHD and has MD and my birthday saved on his phone. His ADHD means that I have had to train him to use his phone for stuff like that. He also has a reminder a few days before. He sees social media stuff about MD (his friends all post Snapchat stories on the day) so always seems to know.

To be honest I've just thought to myself that I'm expecting too much from him so I've not asked.

Just no OP. How many posts do we see on here from women on Mothers day, Christmas day, birthday..... All upset that they have not been acknowledged or thought of my the men in their lives.

Your sons behaviour is unacceptable and I would make damn sure I treat him the same way on his birthday. In fact I would stop pocket money too. He can get a job if he hasn't one already. Zero excuses for the selfish git.

When my DS was 14, he never acknowleded my birthday or Mothers' Day. That went on for a few years, and then out of the blue, he started, unprompted, sending cards and buying presents, and now, never misses. I have no idea why.

I forgot only once. I got nothing for my birthday. I never forgot again. I've laid out my expectations and I discourage disappointing me.

I think you need to talk to him about not taking you for granted. I have a sixteen year old son as well. My DH was away with work over my birthday last year. My son got his younger siblings to write in a card for me, he bought me a bar of my favourite chocolate, and made a cake he knew I like for the first time, put candles on (the number 21 as a joke) and sang me happy birthday. Neither DH or I asked him to do any of that.
Happy belated birthday though. I hope there were other things about your day you enjoyed.

I agree with you, it’s a card. A thoughtful gesture.

What did you say?

Just speak to him. Communicate that you'd like him to acknowledge occasions like Mother's Day and your birthday. It's perfectly reasonable and he's proven he's capable
as he does it for friends. Explain that relationships become more reciprocal as people get older and that he can't just expect to be the only one in your relationship to receive acknowledgment for special occasions.

Op said a card. A card is not expecting your child to spend money on you. It's a card. Even a small gift isn't too much to expect. A box of chocolate!!

Yes, of course I would.

I remember my DS at that age was the only child still at home and his Dad was working away, so there was no one about to take him to a shop.

After school the night before my birthday he biked to the local Tesco (8 mile round trip) in the rain to buy me a bunch of flowers and some chocolates. He apologised the next day for the fact that apparently his bag had caught in his bike wheel and he'd dropped the flowers and run them over at one point! But you couldn't tell, and I really appreciated the effort.

I'd have been upset if he hadn't done anything. In the same way that any 16 year old would be upset if their mother didn't bother buying them anything either.

It might be awkward for you @Pwdhnshb, but just ask him outright.
DS, something is bothering me and I need to ask you about it. Why don't you acknowledge my birthday or mother's day? These days are important to me. I celebrate your birthday and other special days for you. Why don't you do the same for me?

Be prepared to have a couple of suggestions about what you'd like that are appropriate for a teen boy to do for his mum. I'd likely suggest a card and spending time together doing something specific. It becomes so precious as they get older and spend more time with friends.

I'm curious if you have a dh/dp and what modelling your son has for how to treat you as well as how you've modelled (and said) how you want and expect to be treated.

I think it depends if he has grown up celebrating family Birthdays. What happened throughout all the previous years? Did you or another family member make the effort to get cards/presents for each other?

If you didn’t “teach” him this is what you do then I guess you are being unreasonable (maybe in his friendship group they did)?

Saying that though my 30 yr old stepson doesn’t remember his Dad’s birthday. If he realises, he will make an effort to get him something but by then his Birthday has been and gone, so I think it is pointless then because it’s clear that he didn’t think about him when it counted ie on his actual Birthday!

I generally think blokes just don’t care as much about these things though but I would be hurt/annoyed too. I would tell him.

A bit of tough love needed here. No present for him next time.

I wouldn't expect teenagers to remember the date in advance. They would need reminding. It's only in my 50s, that I now have an app on my phone that warns me of birthdays.

Years ago when I was a student, I once forgot to send a card and ring my Mum on Mother’s Day. She left me know that she was displeased and expected better next year. Not in a nasty way, she just told me straight.

Mother’s Day is coming up soon here in the US and I’m absolutely expecting my two make a fuss of me.

Set your bar higher, OP. 💐

For goodness sake, he knows it's not acceptable. He's perfectly capable of getting you something nice and saying happy birthday.
A bar of chocolate you like and a bunch of flowers from the supermarket wouldn't break the bank, it's not an unreasonable expectation.

Pull him up on it, show him it matters.

Is this how he is going to treat his girlfriend or wife I wonder? He's not going to have a very happy life, is he?

Yanbu, people love to excuse shitty teen behaviour as them being teens or front brain not formed etc . But he can use his brain to buy a friend a present so surely he knows to do the same for his mother.

Please don’t ever think this way. People (even children) will exploit this. Show him you deserve to be treated with kindness.

Did he know it was your birthday?

My DS is 15.5 and while I won’t expect him to spend money on me as he doesn’t currently work, I will expect him to make a fuss of me on my next birthday. Mind you, I’m fairly vocal about my birthdays, I start talking about them at least 10 days in advance.😂

On my last birthday, he made me a cup of tea and helped make a special meal. We do make abit of a thing of birthdays on our family though, the birthday person expects to be fussed over.

I’d be more far vocal about your expectations next year, OP!

He's not even saying Happy Birthday. This is awful!!

As others have said showing you care doesn't have to cost lots of take lots of time.

Is it just the two of you? Did you speak to him about Mother's Day when he didn't bother? If not, why not.

Then it’s time you valued yourself a damn sight higher. Is he home? Go ask him right now