To expect 16 yr old to acknowledge my birthday

I think you're making it waaay more complicated than it needs to be. A 16 year old can say happy birthday and get his Mum a card. Even a 6 year old can do this. This is not high level stuff, it's exceptionally basic. There aren't any excuses.

A box of chocolates from Home Bargains or B&M is NOT expensive. The op's son can afford stuff for his friends so he can do the same for his Mum. Once the son gets a significant other, he's going to have to be less self absorbed so now is a good time to start acknowledging his own mother. I can't imagine a world where it would be acceptable for me to not celebrate my parents' birthdays. The fact that other people think it's ok perhaps explains our deteriorating society.

It’s not about what YOU like or care about though.

Most people expect a card/acknowledgement on their birthday so it’s just something you have to suck up and do, imo.

Did you not celebrate your birthday with him at all? Like go out for a meal or have a cake (even if you bought it yourself)? That’s a bit weird imo - even if it’s just the 2 of you at home I’d expect your birthday to be acknowledged in some way and not just everyone going about their business as normal. Even something like “I’d like a cup of tea in bed this morning please as I’m the birthday girl!” Did you open other cards/gifts in front of him?

You’re setting him up to be a bad partner and also placing such low value on yourself! Of course you deserve a card/present from your son.

YANBU, it's rude and at 16 he should've known better. I get not being able to get you a gift, but simply acknowledging the day or making a birthday smartshow 3d video or a card are simple options that are right there. Apparently birthdays aren't important to him, so let it be that way. Don't acknowledge his either, it shouldn't be a problem for him.

I think it depends how much emphasis you are placing on your birthday.
Personally Im terrible with dates (and present ideas) so I need plenty of advance warning for birthdays and a clear idea of what to get someone!
I think if you clearly say 'x day is my birthday...I want a 'happy birthday' card and breakfast in bed' and then you still get nothing? Well, then you have a point and your kid is a selfish a-hole!

My kids have always treated me on my birthday, mostly I suspect mainly prompted by my eldest. However it turned out that DC2 thought they were using my birth date on their school locker, but it was a day out!!

It’s not right, but i think when you have a serious talk with him, focus on your birthday, which is more serious.

I don't give a shit about Mothers Day tbh but despite hating a fuss I think I'd be disappointed in my 16 year old if I didn't even get a "Happy Birthday! on the day. My son is almost 7 & I doubt he even knows I have a name outside of "mammy/mam" but obviously that will change as he gets older... no one is expecting afternoon tea in Harrods but a simple acknowledgement especially when the hand made card years are over is the very least you deserve

Are you pleasant to be around? I'm the same towards my mother. However, she doesn't understand the negative effect she has had on my life.

A lot of these comments could be referring to OPs partner rather than teenaged son. I think the expectations here are out of whack. Especially comments like "is this how he will treat a partner?" What he does with his friends is also different and irrelevant. You can't create a mamas boy out of a 16 year old who you don't seem close with.

If you want a card ask for a card. Stop playing silly games and trying to nudge someone into pleasing you just the right way. He's 16. He's rude. It's not a surprise.

It's obvious you have expectations even though you said you have none. That's confusing and misleading. It's also a recipe for being disappkinted. It sounds like he's had a ton of instability. Don't treat him like a spouse or a friend.

I agree with the commenter who mentioned neurodivergence. Remembering dates and properly following social conventions don't come easily to everyone. Neurodivergent or not, everyone has weaknesses. Remembering and acknowledging your mother's birthday is not high on a teenagers priority list. You can't keep holding onto these invisible expectations.

The tit for tat suggestions are wild. One person is the adult and the other is the child. Yikes.

I fully expect to be shouted down for this comment. It's a waste of your energy but have at it.🙃

@StormingNorman
I'm just like you but I'm not ND. Luckily my friends and family are all similar. One of my friends gave me a bunch of flowers today for no reason other than they were on sale and she knew there were my favourite. I much prefer that type of thing over birthdays.

"Now I don't expect anything but I feel that at his age he now has the money and opportunity to at the very least buy a card?"

OP, have you sent your son the same mixed message? I think it's thoughtless of him but if he thinks you don't mind then he will choose the lazy option.

I'd give him another chance and say you felt your birthday was a bit dissapointing and that you you are all going to celebrate at the weekend (say all go for a meal or something) I'd then tell him that you would appreciate a present or a card and then see what he does. I wouldn't be stroppy with him.

The problem with coming down hard is that it's going to feel really shitty even if he does get you something. Then see what happens

probably going to get flamed. I’m ND so this may come across as uncaring.

I don’t care about birthdays, mine or other people’s. I don’t love people more on those days so it feels fake and uncomfortable to make a fuss. I love my people every day so I don’t see why one day is a big deal.

I wish social convention was that we didn’t celebrate them. Ditto Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Valentines Day. The only hallmark days I really like are Christmas and Pancake Day.

I’m more likely to buy people gifts when I see something that is meaningful to us or reminds me of them or because I just can’t not and I’ll give it to them whenever. Being tied to a particular day feels like an obligation.

It's free to say Happy Birthday! Her son didn't even do that.

Regardless he should have got a card too.

why would a birthday card from your son be too much to expect?

OP says her ds manages to spend £20-30 for friends....

Boxes of chocolates are expensive! Especially to a kid that has no money.

A card for a quid I can go for.

@Pwdhnshb and some people having screwed up put their heads in the sand not knowing how to make amends. I wonder if there's a bit of shame or awkwardness on your son's part. However, the conversation needn't be a confrontation, simply explaining you're hurt and wondering why you don't get the same consideration he gives friends.

If the chat doesn’t work, then scale back his presents and make much less fuss over him. If he can remember and acknowledge his friends, he can do the same for his mum.

I never understand why people accept this type of behaviour. You make a fuss of him and he literally ignores yours? Erm, no. Absolutely call him out and make clear your expectations.

Really? You have low expectations.

You need to talk to him. Explain that there are things in life he needs to acknowledge - he sounds like his father and it's up to you to make sure he realises that he needs to make an effort. What happens when he gets a partner? He needs to know how to show good manners and that he appreciated you

How can that possibly be a good thing?

Surely children should know the value of giving presents and want to acknowledge the people they love / do everything for them on their birthdays. Why he a martyr, what example is that for future relationships?

One of the things I’m very grateful to my parents for is that they always taught us to get a gift for our siblings and each parent on their birthdays, at Christmas and on mothers/fathers day.

I come from a large family which meant a lot of gifts to buy over the course of the year, but nonetheless it was done, and not with any resentment or begrudgery. From when we were old enough to get pocket money (so around 5 or 6) we took part. It involved learning a few things- that we weren’t the center of the universe and other people mattered and deserved recognition and that sometimes doing nice things for others meant a little sacrifice (saving up/spending your money on a gift and thus not having it to spending yourself). Some years, the younger kids literally bought a 10p bar of chocolate (I’m going back to the 70s/80s) as the gift, but it was the effort and thought that counted. Older kids or the other parent helped the younger ones with buying/wrapping etc. And there was absolutely none of this modern nonsense of every sibling getting a gift on one child’s birthday, you got gifts on your birthday and that was your day, on the siblings birthdays you celebrated with them and were happy for them.

These were valuable life lessons, imo. I think it’s shocking that people here are excusing teenagers from remembering their mother’s birthdays… these are presumably reasonably smart, functional teenagers, why wouldn’t or couldn’t they remember? And lol at the martyrdom of “oh I wouldn’t want them to spend their money on me”… you’re teaching them some awful lessons there and setting them up to be unpleasant thoughtless adults.