Being upset my husband went to the gym while I'm pregnant and dealing with flu

I had a husband who struggled to adapt when I went from part time to full time. When he said he couldn’t cope I didn’t step in. I was at work (shifts) or sleeping so left him to it. It took a few months for him to initially acclimatise and a year to refine his abilities. He’s an equal partner now.

You need to rest. Plan to get home, make an omlette or beans on toast or jacket potato or a sandwich or ready made soup and paper cups/plates (something incredibly simple to reduce standing time) and put a clothes wash on for yourself and DD (not him). Do not clear up or do any other household tasks and instead go to bed and rest. Wear PJs. Watch a film in bed with DD, read in bed, chat online in bed, sleep. Ignore comments and complaints. Send him a link to your medical conditions each time he complains and remind him each time it’s a medical condition and you’ve been told by medics to rest. He won’t step up while you keep stepping in to rescue him. You need to let the household completely fall apart for a couple of months for him to start to take responsibility. Your health and your babies health have to come first. Eventually he will run out of clothes and plates and will have to do something. If he doesn’t you need to seriously reconsider wether you want to be with a partner who doesn’t pull his weight and fails to support you when you’re at your most vulnerable.

You are honestly your own worst enemy here.

Sit with your guilt. Feel it. Don't address it by getting up and rescuing this ridiculous (so-called) man.

You will survive feeling guilt. It's just a feeling. It's a feeling you have to stand up to.

You will not survive martyring yourself, however, and its clear your selfish, awful twat of a "partner" is going to take full advantage of the free ride you're giving him. Resist your self-destructive impulse.

Pushing yourself when you have SPD will come back to haunt you when you're middle-aged. You'll end up a physical wreck. Don't do it!

He'd better have the world's best aim at the loo to have that attitude.

Basically he's telling you that you are beneath him, that it's your job to clean his piss off the floor or wherever else he gets it.

This man isn't t in a committed, loving relationship. He's on a power trip.

Toothache and jaw pain when feeling unwell, please get that checked out as this can be signs of something more serious such as endocarditis.

Another Grade A twat.

Many people can’t cook but we do anyway…. Learned incompetence.

does he have any redeeming characteristics?

And if he grumps or gets mad, you say ‘don’t get emotional on me now.’

Text him now: I can’t believe you asked about going to the gym and then went. While you had the flu I did all the parenting and housework while struggling with my pregnancy. Now I have the flu and… you’ve gone to the gym. When you come home I’m going to bed and I want our child taken care of, the kitchen cleaned and our child dressed fed brushed teeth and taken to school in the morning. If you can’t do that then I regret all the love and care I’ve given you, it’s clearly not reciprocated.’

when you’re better, buy a basic recipe book. Starting out you buy the ingredients. Send him into the kitchen, say I’m worried if I died you couldn’t parent, this year you start cooking one healthy meal a week, to start off with I’ve bought everything, you’re a capable adult with solid reading skills and here is the recipe.
stop letting him be so pathetic.

'isn't very domesticated'?? are you from the 1970s? He can't look after himself. You need to stop doing everything for him. Do you want your kids to think this is how marriages work?

This sounds like modern-day slavery… if you ask for any help or speak up you are dismissed as “hormonal”…and he has no patience with your 6 year old?

I think you should re-read your own posts and imagine they were written by your sister or close friend or your daughter…what would you advise her?

He can't cook and he's impatient with his 6 year old child? He thinks it's ok to bugger off to the gym and leave you looking after your son while you're pregnant and ill? He sounds pretty awful to be honest.

You work 36 hours per week, he works what? 40?

If so, tell him you will do the first 4 hours of any chores or childcare in any given week and after that it’s all split 50:50. And even then, that only after DC2 is born and your first few weeks of recovery after the birth.

He’s a pathetic man baby.

I voted YABU because he's gone to the gym for a couple of hours, not Timbuktu for a month.
If you're that ill, with either flu or SPD, you should be signed off work.

However, your husband needs to grow up and act like an adult not a sloppy teenager (even my one of those can wash his own clothes!).

While he was 'great' with your first child was he cooking for you or doing laundry and cleaning or was he just being less of an arsehole.

You work one day less, but still full time as you work longer shifts so housework and childcare needs to be 50-50.

I'd immediately stop cooking and doing his laundry.
Then I'd LTB.

There are some aspects of housework he says isn't his issue such as sorting laundry or cleaning the bathroom

Why? Does he not wear clothes or use the bathroom? Honestly, OP. He sounds like some kind of 1950s throwback!

You need to reframe this. It's not 'extra help', it's doing his share as a grown adult,

I'm just waiting for you to say he's a 'good dad' because these useless men always apparently are,

There are some aspects of housework he says isn't his issue such as sorting laundry or cleaning the bathroom

If he ever wears clothes or uses the bathroom, it is his issue.

He "isn't an emotional person"/ "finds it irrational"?

This is toxic masculinity.

You don't have to stay with this twat.

Yeah, this has to end.

Raise your eyebrows when he whines, and tell him neither his protein intake nor the bathroom are your problems any more.

He doesn't want to do family work because he believes it's beneath him.

But clearly he values you for sex...
The problem isn't lack of "domestication". The problem is that he's an entitled pig who treats you with contempt.

While he's away at the gym, compose a list of duties around the house and wrt parenting that you expect him to take on from now on.

Don't do anything more for him for the duration of the pregnancy. Rest, prepare food for you and the 6 yo. Do laundry for yourself and the 6 yo.

Are you in a union? Contact them wrt the risk assessment. Or if you have an HR department, contact them directly.

If he's too tired from the gym then he needs to stop going to the gym at this point in your lives

Realistically how long was he at the gym for? An hour?