To think my boyfriend is being a prick?

Today I got upset because I told him I was coming home, rather than staying at work late like I usually do on a Tuesday. He said “okay that’s fine”. He used to get super excited when I wasn’t working late, and I sometimes get really sensitive about wording. As in, my boyfriend thinks saying “that’s fine” is interchangeable with and the same as “that’s great, can’t wait”.

But you can’t force a particular response from him. It’s been 1.5 years, people settle into relationships and can’t be excited about everything.

And it’s ok to to get annoyed with each other.

I wonder how you deal with actual problems in life 😱

He’s right though isn’t he? You were being over sensitive and you did flip it to make it all his fault and you were critical of him.

You sound hard work and he sounds at the end of his tether.

Honestly, I'd get annoyed with you too if you are really that sensitive that him saying 'ok that's fine' is enough to upset you. The description of the argument that followed is exhausting and petty. Some people have actual real problems. This kind of petty bickering is ridiculous! 🙄

So if the Ops Bf knows that she needs lots of loving words/verbal reassurance / , he’s a bit of a prick not to at least try to give her that.
Completely disagree! Sounds completely exhausting!

This sounds like a frequent thing you have a problem with. Tbh I'd be so over having my choice of vocabulary constantly attacked that I'd probably respond as he did.

Can you not see how annoying it is to be criticised for using words different to those you would prefer? He said 'fine' you wanted 'FANTASTIC!!!!!' I couldn't cope

You sound really hard work.

@MissSqueak

Today I got upset because I told him I was coming home, rather than staying at work late like I usually do on a Tuesday. He said “okay that’s fine”. He used to get super excited when I wasn’t working late, and I sometimes get really sensitive about wording. As in, my boyfriend thinks saying “that’s fine” is interchangeable with and the same as “that’s great, can’t wait”.

I know it’s something I’m very sensitive about and I’m trying to change.
So what did you say? You must have said something to him because you then say....
He flipped and shouted at me, saying “oh don’t start this word thing again”. I thought the way he said this was really rude and nasty. I tried to explain to him that yes, I didn’t realise what I was doing and I didn’t mean to, but I was sorry.

He then wouldn’t apologise for saying something mean without ending it with a “but”. He denied this and said I was doing the same thing.
Well often we are sorry that the listener is upset but we don't feel we were as much in the wrong as the listener is suggesting because of a reason. It's quite normal to say 'sorry I spoke harshly BUT you went off on one first' type of thing

I tried to explain that I acknowledge what I did wrong, but it’s the way he said it that upsets me. That he comes to me so overly critical rather than telling me kindly what I did wrong.
Tbh you are coming across as very critical. Maybe he's not the only critical one here
He just doesn’t get this at all??? He said he did nothing wrong and that I’m trying to flip everything into him, that I can’t just take accountability without letting him know what he did wrong. He doesn’t seem to understand that actually he does stuff wrong too.
You seem to want him to take the bulk of responsibility for the drama but this whole situation was set off by you having a problem with his choice of words which is frankly a bit ridiculous and probably very tedious for him.
He said he does, but he genuinely thinks I’m just “flipping it on him as a defence mechanism”. That I can’t accept that I did something wrong without us both doing something wrong.
Perhaps he has a point**
He then hung up on me and said he “can’t talk to me when I’m like this” and “maybe I should’ve stayed at work”

im so hurt but I can get very sensitive and clouded sometimes so maybe I am in the wrong. Help???
What was it that you said that upset him when he chose to use the word 'fine' instead of 'great' (can you see how weird this is to get upset over?)

I can see I’m the only person here who thinks this but I agree with @MissSqueak .

If it’s ok for him to point out when she has done something that annoys him and expect an apology , then it’s fine for her to do the same.

I also think it’s a bit unfair to call the Op “ needy “ just because her needs are different from yours or mine. Some people need lots of physical affection , while others care more about their partner doing kind things for them. Lots of women like the OP need kind and affectionate words - lots of “ I love you “ , “ That colour really suits you”, “ thanks for a lovely dinner / organising the electrician / doing the ironing “ etc .

It doesn’t matter, as long as you know what you need and your partner is willing to try to meet your needs.

So if the Ops Bf knows that she needs lots of loving words/verbal reassurance / , he’s a bit of a prick not to at least try to give her that. So when she said

“Oh just fine? Thought it would be great news haha”

that was his BIG hint to say “ no of course not, that would be great, let’s walk the dog / go out for a drink / have an early night / whatever “.

There was no need to shout at her and pick a fight.

She was using her words to ask for what she needs. That’s what people in relationships are supposed to do.

@MissSqueak im sorry you’ve has such a hard time here. If I were you I’d have a think about whether he is the right for you, perhaps you are not compatible at a deeper level.

'Joked'

He should've replied with a roll eyes emoji.

Well quite. Are you like this with everyone?

People at work? Pulling people up and telling them how they should/shouldn’t word responses because you’re a very sensitive person? And then telling management they’re being mean to you?

I’m hoping you see how ridiculous this sounds and can laugh about it on reflection?

Neither of you are anywhere near mature enough for an adult relationship. End it until you have both grown up & your emotions have developed beyond the level of a 9 year old.

1.5 years? And you live together?

How old are you both?

Do you not see the irony of your own comment?

You are picking apart his wording AGAIN to suit your own sensibilities.

Your whole relationship sounds toxic AF. I honestly don’t think you should even be together after reading that. And I’ll be honest, and I don’t mean to be rude but it was a hard slog to get through.

Me and DH got snippy with each other about leaving the wheelie bin out after the bin men had been. I didn’t come on to MN and write an essay. I got over it.

Chill out or you’re in for a very miserable life getting upset over every trivial thing.

Wish your bf could see this thread.

You sound like hard work. I don't think he did anything wrong. He's just as entitled as you to call out comments he doesn't appreciate. Why do you think it's just for you to do?

You sound a nightmare. I imagine he's not going to tolerate you much longer, so I shouldn't worry too much if you think he's being a prick.

He'll soon be an ex.

You sound hard work

It does sound a bit of a mountain out of a molehill situation . Like another poster said - there is a shelf life for getting excited for your partner coming home from work . That’s not to say you aren’t happy but just that expression of happiness. I would tire of having to be careful about my words .

In all honesty , it doesn’t sound like a serious argument - more snapping at each other and something small that got out of hand .

I’ve definitely read your threads before. Kindly, your boyfriend needs to end the relationship. This is going to wear him down. It’s not fair on him.

That is the very definition of starting the word thing again though.

Do you not feel like you're a priority to him and it's turning you into someone needy who ends up overthinking everything little thing?

Or do you have extraordinarily low self esteem and need him to constantly reaffirm your worth?

Either way this is not the relationship for you.

He wasn't shitty. He just wasn't as excited as OP decided he should be. In all honesty she sounds a bit controlling.

"Don't start with the word thing again" isn't rude, he's literally asking you not to start with it again and yet you even pick apart this! Assuming he wasn't screaming this statement in your face, his wording is correct and factual.

Your language requirements and his use of language clearly are not a match.

I often role my eyes at DH finishing early, coz I have to stop watching my TV programmes as he hates them 😆

Yes I was thinking the same. Every few months that very needy poster pops up.