To think my boyfriend is being a prick?

LOL. I absolutely adore my partner and he adores me right back. We pretty much never argue, even after 21 years together.

I suspect one of the reasons we don’t argue is because neither of us is a giant baby who can’t even receive a perfectly normal text about a routine thing like what time we’re finishing work without getting upset and telling each precisely what to say next time. And then calling each other ‘a prick’ and demanding apologies.

It isn’t remotely normal to react like this. It’s paranoid, hyper-anxious and controlling.

OP not come back? Quelle surprise!

The problem will be that this is the example you are using of him doing something wrong.

He hasn't done anything wrong in the example you gave us.

Thus if this is indicative of "things you deem to be wrong" it is easy to see why he thinks he hasn't done anything wrong.

I think "being a prick" is a bit strong for this particular incident.

All I can offer is that if someone is not meeting/understanding your needs after 1.5 years, maybe you are not compatible.

I am both very communicative and very impacted by other people's moods. I spent 3y with a person who is was emotionally, for all intents and purposes, brain dead. I don't think I ask for much, I need to hear things like "I'm having a great time, I love you" with a squeeze of the shoulder, whereas he grew up in a family that barely hugged.

He understood that I need to see things like smiles and have better feedback than "If I didn't want to be here, I'd leave" 🤔but he never really mastered it and it was a sensitive topic for the length of the relationship, which inevitably ended. He's not a bad guy, just absolutely not my guy, needs & preferences-wise.

He didn't say anything wrong. Even the "don't start with the word thing again" isn't rude it's accurate and sounds like he was (rightly) very frustrated

you are doing the same thing my emotionally abusive ex did. You are wrong in the situation and instead of just holding your hands up and taking the blame, you are trying to make him the bad guy because he didn't respond in the most perfect was he should have, therefore he's to blame? no that's crazy, no one reacts perfectly when being confronted - especially when they didn't do anything wrong in the first place!

The entire argument was your fault. You are 100% to blame, not him. By trying to twist it to make him partially accountable you are gaslighting, it's abuse behaviour. Stop it.

But are you not also picking apart HIS wording? It's on you I'm afraid. I imagine he is getting fed up of your neediness and how you approach things like this.

You're paraphrasing me... About what he specifically said, I said ... "he basically replied that he couldn't care less" which is exactly what 'okay, that's fine' implies. It's neither good or bad, just acceptable. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone whose response to me seeing them earlier than planned was, okay, that's acceptable.

I use the phrase 'that's fine' all the time and when I use it I'm not saying or meaning 'that's acceptable'. It's my way of saying good, great or no worries.

My DH knows that's what I mean when I say that phrase because we've discussed it. Thankfully he doesn't fall out with me for using it because it's not a big deal.

I love the total hypocrisy of you getting all upset about his 'wording' of everything and yet it's perfectly fine for you to come online and call him a prick (for doing absolutely fuck all).

And the passive aggressive 'jokes' are ridiculous, are you 14?

Im shocked he's stayed for 1.5 years tbh, I'd be fucking outtttt of there

😂

I'm wondering if this poster is even genuine

Ok it’s clear you have very significant issues and you need to resolve those, this isn’t about your partner, but the level of neediness you have, and your controlling behaviour to him in what he is allowed to say, how he has to behave, as well as your extreme levels of sensitivity.

I really think focus on sorting yourself out, as it will kill your relationship, he shouldn’t be expected to out up with this.

good luck

It sounds as though you want him to show you he loves you. I get that. The problem is, you’re trying to engineer exactly how and when he does this which will be such a turn off for him. Be careful or you’ll push him away. Instead you could plan some fun times together.

Try & keep it light and maybe acknowledge he’s not being a prick and apologise. I hope you don’t mind me saying, but you sound very young. I say this because once you have children, your head won’t have any space for such dramas.

Make plans and keep things light and fun. You never know, one day you might get home early from work and he’ll have organised for the whole street to perform a Mexican Wave just for you. x 😉

Yeah.. this relationship isn’t going to last, give it another 6 months and it’ll be done.

You are what I would term 'high maintenance'.

He then wouldn’t apologise for saying something mean without ending it with a “but”. He denied this and said I was doing the same thing.

I tried to explain that I acknowledge what I did wrong, BUT it’s the way he said it that upsets me.

Jesus wept 😂

You seem to think that acknowledging your neediness and sensitivity somehow gives you a pass and he doesn’t have the right Tom veg upset and fed up, it does not.

You recognizing and acknowledging your neediness is the first step and next step is to work on yourself to reduce your neediness not act like it gives you a pass.

But that's not what he's saying, according to you. What he said was that you "can’t just take accountability without letting him know what he did wrong" - i.e. that you never accept responsibility if you do something wrong without somehow trying to turn it back on him. Is he right?

All of this. ^^

Its normal to feel like this

The adult approach is to recognise you feel insecure. You’re not upset he said “that’s fine” you’re upset because you have a fear he doesn’t love you, doesn’t want you to come home so you've taken his neutral comment as confirmation of your insecurities,

Instead of acknowledging that as your own anxiety, you’ve attacked him and accused him .He will react defensively and this cycle will repeat until the relationship breaks down.

You cannot rely completely on a partner to relieve all your anxieties-that’s a co dependent nightmare.

You're paraphrasing me... About what he specifically said, I said ... "he basically replied that he couldn't care less" which is exactly what 'okay, that's fine' implies. It's neither good or bad, just acceptable. I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who's response to me seeing them earlier than planned was, okay, that's acceptable.

He wasn't rude at all. You're being ridiculous.

It sounds like you having this issue with the way he words things is an ongoing thing that he is fed up with. You need to either accept that this is how he speaks and doesn't mean anything negative by it. Or end the relationship because your communication styles are just not compatible. What you don't get to do is keep going on at him about it and expect him to tolerate it.

all you lot commenting acting stone cold just because you hate your husbands are being mean to op, for no reason.

If everyone else is 'stone cold', I must have rigor mortis because my typical response would be a 👍🏻

all you lot commenting acting stone cold just because you hate your husbands are being mean to op, for no reason.

i completely understand this and get this with my fella. he often replies short and it makes me confused and worried i’ve done something wrong.

it’s normal to feel like this, i just remind myself that i am sensitive, but also asking ur partner to change something small shouldn’t be an issue. ‘fine’ can seem a little short, especially if you were excited to see him.

Imagine if you just went home and apologised and said you would try not to do it in future. Not saying you didn't know you were doing it, not picking at his faults. Then it would be solved and you would have a nice night.