DDs Classmate smashed a Window today - Would you expect the School to tell Parents?

Me too! The amount we expect young children to deal with and process is astounding. Little people, with developing brains and big feelings that they may struggle to process on a good day, are expected to witness violence and be able to explain it calmly and factually to their parents and then just get over it. Some will be fine. Some will be really traumatised and unable to articulate these feelings to their parents, and act out and possibly told off, when they are actually just a really really scared little child. If parents know then they can interpret their child's behaviour and emotions in the context of what they have witnessed.

My children could be a bit upset or bothered by a child behaving like this at this age.

Id expect the school to say that there'd been an incident and a window was broken, but to not mention other children, and reassure that classroom was safe/window being repaired etc.

No. This did happen at my DD’s school -in year 7 or 8 - and parents were not told.

I think it’s because you’re in the US.
Britain is broken.

Yanbu, I would expect an email and some sort of assurance that they are dealing with such an issue. I know we would definitely get an email, private school though.

Hmm. I think this is an extra layer of work not needed by schools and then comes to be expected by parents. No one needs to know about an ambulance for someone else's child or a power cut.

I'm really surprised a lot of posters think this is unusual behaviour. I teach in a lot of schools, covering a large area everything from leafy country with tiny classes to 5+ form entry schools in the middle of a city and trust me this kind of stuff is pretty common behaviour across a significant portion of them.

No I wouldn’t expect them to inform parents.

No I would not expect to be told

I'm surprised so many people are saying no. It's not like he threw a bag across the room, a window was broken. If I was at a restaurant for example and someone kicked in a window I would be shocked therefore a heads up from school would be appreciated. Not as a witch-hunt for the child who needs support but just so I can ask how my child feels about it.

@Bushmillsbabe - good point. My DC always told me every single detail of the school day in dramatic detail. I should remember not all DC are like mine.

I’d expect an email tbh. And we get them for loads of things from our school (UsA)

judt one that outlined a window was broken, class evacuated, no one injured. Please let us know if your child needs support. Especially for that young a class.

we often get emails for things like;

we had a power cut, learning was not disrupted

an ambulance was called for a teacher/student, their parents notified

a man with no connection to the school is loitering in the car park, we’ve called the cops

we had a threat, it was unfounded

and so on and so on. Maybe we’re all just nosy bastards but it’s a good system and stops the half stories our kids might come home with

I would have thought 7 year old children would be upset and frightened and that school would want to get a handle on the narrative - certainly reassure parents that their kids are safe, because children will talk and then parents will pass it on and by the end of the WhatsApp chain you'll have a totally different, wild story going around. I'd think the school would put out a very calm communication, not naming names and aiming to put parents' minds at ease and stop the gossip.

Actually the other reason I would expect to be told is that is allows the school to get ahead of the situation. Not telling parents creates an additional layer of aggro because then parents are concerned that their child isn't safe AND they are being kept in the dark. Because obviously the kids are going to tell their parents, possibly with a fair bit of dramatic embellishment, and obviously it's going to be doing the rounds on WhatsApp etc without school sending out an email. So they may as well be proactive in sending out a "there was an incident, noone was hurt, pupils were removed from the area while staff dealt with the issue, etc" email that will help quell some rumour and make parent feel that they are at least being kept in the loop.

A factual, calm email from school will help damp down the gossip.

No, I wouldn't expect them to tell the parents. When dd was year R they had a child with behavioural issues and they not infrequently were evacuated due to his violence.
We weren't told when he smashed a chair to pieces, which is harder than a window. Not sure what the point of telling everyone would be except to humiliate his parents who were lovely and doing their best by him, but he had significant issues. The children told enough. You just listen and play it down, and tell them they've done right by doing what the teacher said.

I suspect the "told to tell" was either "tell them we're sorry you're late out, but we had to deal with an incident" or if a child asked "can I tell mum?" they said "yes, if you want to." Rather than them announcing to them "you must tell."

I saw a window broken at school by a kick. It was a total accident and it didn't take much force, simply hit at the wrong point. I remember more the look of horror on the boy's face who'd done it.

How would telling the parents make the children more safe?

Absolutely. But unfortunately not all children will share their concerns until things get too much for them.
I only found out about the abuse my daughter was receiving from a classmate when I asked her 'how did you get that bruise' and she broke down and told me. She was 7, and the teacher had told her not to make a fuss as X couldnt help their behaviour, and she felt protective over this child and didn't want to get them into trouble. She had become withdrawn, not eating, nightmares but we couldnt find out what the issue was.

Had the school told me, I could have supported her much better.
Witnessing violence can be as traumatic as experiencing it, and not every child will open up until they reach crisis point.

That might be it.
A teacher complaining endlessly will get ignored. A group of parents will have much more clout.

No I wouldn't expect to be told. What would the purpose be? Its the teacher's job to manage the situation. The last thing they need after a difficult day is hassle from parents.

Primary yes, secondary no.

My children (5 & 9) would both be really shaken by witnessing that level of violence and I would want to know so that I could reassure them about it.

At secondary I wouldn't expect to be told because a) shit kicks off too often to be sending emails home about every incident, b) kids will be older and more resilient.

I think most parents would be surprised unless they have experience in SEN or it has hapenned before. No parent sends their child to school thinking 'my child is going to witness a child smashing a window in today'. Just as I didnt expect my child to go to school and get hit, punched and head smashed into a table by a child with SEN.

This is in no way blaming the child with additional needs or the school who tried their best. But every child has a right to feel safe at school, and the impact of these incidents on the children without SEN is so often underestimated/ignored as its seen to be ableist as 'the child can't help it'. I know they can't (I work in a SEN school) but that doesn't mean it doesn't flipping hurt when my daughter was hit every day. Or it wasn't really scary to see classmate smash a window. These children are probably witnessing violent outbursts on a daily basis and it's really harmful as they come to normalise violence as part of their day to day life. If a child was witnessing violence at home they would likely be removed due to the risk of psychological harm. But they witness or experience violence at school and somehow thats fine and parents dont need to be informed. It's crazy!

Schools are discouraged from suspending and expelling students (OFSTED pressure). There’s no special school or PRU places for pupils with consistent bad behaviour so they are “stuck” at schools that can’t deal with the pupil. Waiting lists for diagnosis are years long and social services are overworked so investigating possible family issues doesn’t happen.

No one was injured.
The children were removed safely.
You do know about it.
How would you feel if it was your child? Would you be OK with the school sending a letter about what your child had done to a whole class's parents?
Have a bit of compassion.

I think this is how it should be handled. But in my experience the school will say nothing, and I wouldn't email the school either. As long as my DC felt safe returning g to school I would be happy the school had dealt with the situation appropriately. However, if my DC was at all wobbly I'd raise the issue so school could help them. I would expect a very open conversation if my DC was at all unsettled.

This could have been my child. At that age he flipped a table in the classroom and I could absolutely imagine him breaking a window in this scenario. But we were crying out for support from school, while school denied there was a problem. They wouldn't even let me speak to the SENCO. Anyway, I would have been beyond mortified if all the parents had been told and were judging us too.