Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

I’ve had Crohn’s for 25 years almost and I’ve never had it show in blood tests even when I’ve been hospitalised for one of many surgeries. I would expect my husband to come home if I had two young children to look after

Yes because that's comparable with looking after a 3yr old and 18month old.

This site makes me despair sometimes.

This sounds like endometriosis if I had to guess. I would absolutely insist on a laparoscopy to rule it out. The adhesions from it are staged right up to Stage 4 - the worst kind. I think you’ve been fobbed off by gynae to be honest.

Cross posted sorry ignore the above.

YANBU. Sorry you are feeling like this.

I had similar symptoms and after a lot of time and going round in circles with tests it was diagnosed as diverticulitis. Was given antibiotics and it went as if by magic.

I'm not an expert, so don't take this as a medical opinion, but it might be worth a shot.

Could it be Diverticulitis OP? Has this been looked at? My mum has it and your symptoms are identical.
Edit...ignore me, I've seen it has been ruled out. Honestly, identical symptoms to my mum though, down to the mucous and the flare ups....very weird.

I hope your symptoms eased very soon and you can get some answers.

When you're feeling a bit better do try to get some emergency backup sorted for the future. Yes I know it is hard to build a network - I have never lived family either. But it is essential for those of us who often end up poorly whilst holding down the fort. So you do have to get to know a local babysitter / agency / childminder etc.
To keep costs down, ideally also connect with some local mums and offer to help them in return when you're in better health.
That's what I've done and it's been a lifesaver many a time.

Best wishes and get well soon

DH has severe IBS at times and lots of food allergies/sensitivities and sometimes finds taking an antihistamine helps during a flare. May not help at all in your case, but might be worth a try if you have some.

Interesting. The treatment for diverticulitis is a liquid diet for a week (as well as antibiotics ).

Just a random question, but do you eat quorn? I spent several years having what seemed like random bouts of excruciating pain (I would be curled up in the foetal position for usually around 24 hours, then have explosive diarrhoea and then it would be gone). I had no idea what was causing it but was given meds for IBS. Then I moved to London and took a job that involved really long working hours, so that I never cooked for myself and I didn't eat quorn for probably 3 years. Zero issues. Then I quit the long hours job and happened to cook a big quorn bolognese - and BAM, it was back. Apparently this is a side effect for some people. It may be totally irrelevant for you, but thought it was worth asking in case you (or anyone else reading this and having undiagnosed stomach/bowel pain) are also a quorn eater.

So....

1. You need to go to A&E for further investigation
2. You can't look after your young children whilst being investigated in A&E, so they might need emergency foster care overnight, whilst you are there.

If I were your husband I would definitely prefer to miss a work dinner (with a good reason: "my wife is in A&E") than have the kids fostered with a stranger overnight if possible!

Op, I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so rubbish.

If it was possible, you should definitely have asked dh to come home. You can't parent in such pain. You are more important than his job. Ignore the weird martyrish posters on here 🙄🙄

If you don't already, it might be worth keeping a diary of symptoms and if they align with your menstrual cycle, just to see if you can rule some things out.

I hope you feel better soon. And it's worth thinking ahead to find a childminder, neighbour or friends who will help you if you need it.

If I was your neighbour, I'd help you out!

Call a babysitting agency. Tell them your situation and see if they can find care for your children during waking hours until hubby is home.

@Sosomuchpain

Because there is a slight difference between in essence texting, and picking up a 13kg 18 month old into the back of a suv, and same with a 4 year old, bending down getting them changed etc, it’s subtle but it’s there

At least you still have your sense of humour 😆. Yes, in answer to your question, you probably should ask him to come home. You've no idea how long this will last and how bad it might get. For your kids' sake as well as your own, he should come home. Keep chasing for proper diagnosis. Don't take no for an answer. All the best.

OP could also be gallbladder, some of your symptoms sound similar to mine, post natal stuff fits too. It took me years to be taken seriously when I was actually really sick. None of this is your fault and you deserve better care, and yes DH needs to put his big boy boots and put you first.

Oh, piss off. It's totally different posting on MN from a couch than it is wrangling two DC, one of whom is a toddler!! Can't you see that??

What even is this reply?! There is zero point in commenting. Stop wasting your time and op time.

Op, if you're feeling so bad, get him home. When a parent can't do their share, the other must pick it up. Work or no work. I hope you feel better soon.

Re the grumbling appendix, I know someone who had these flare ups for years and had very similar symptoms re the pain and vomiting (not sure about the mucous). By the time they operated the appendix was very inflamed. It might not be that of course but it didn't show on scans etc.

That’s awful OP, I’m so sorry you’ve been so let down 😩😩😩

some times when it’s been bad, I’ve had to stop eating and drinking, only water for days. It is just no way to live

It’s inconceivable that you’ve been suffering like this for 7 years, @Sosomuchpain You have all my empathy - wasn’t it just yesterday there was another article in a national newspaper about how women in pain are dismissed?

And (sad to say) I also completely understand the thing with finding your friends are not your friends when you’re in need …

Get treatment, come back stronger, find new people …

By the way - importantly - what would your husband want you to do here? Is he actually on your side?

But they would be helping your H if they took the kids 🤔 and they'd be helping their grandchildren too.
So can he sort it?

Do what exactly? I see this on here so often. Some people just don't have that support. Because their friends and loved ones are abroad or dead or they're estranged from them. Or they have siblings at opposite ends of the country. Or they had to move away for work.

You can't just build a network from nothing. It takes years. You sometimes have to work with what you have. OP in this situation I'd try and get hold of DH asap.

Being cynical here but I bet if you told a GP your husband is having to miss work to support you, and you can’t have sex, they’d be far more likely to investigate. Women’s pain is often minimised by medical professionals but god forbid it should negatively affect a man.