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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

289 replies

Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:02

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:14

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Because there is a slight difference between in essence texting, and picking up a 13kg 18 month old into the back of a suv, and same with a 4 year old, bending down getting them changed etc, it’s subtle but it’s there

OP posts:
Lemonandlimehubbabubba · 30/04/2024 15:13

Yes def ask him to come home - I have a bowel condition (IBS and EDS related issues) plus ASD and my dh ended up giving up work as my flare ups are so severe and so often so I totally sympathise how awful
you must feel , you need to be able to rest

DuploTrain · 30/04/2024 15:12

No it’s not unreasonable. Apart from obviously you’re not in a fit state to look after them and need to rest, there’s also the safety aspect that there would be no-one there if you passed out or something.

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Womblingmerrily · 30/04/2024 15:11

How long have you had this for? Both overall and this particular episode.

How long do the flare ups last? What helps/makes it worse?

Have you discussed with him what you should do if it flares up when he is away. Did you form a plan to manage it?

Have you already contacted your doctor? What did they say?

When you say you're working - are you at work?

Have you contacted your husband? What does he think?

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:10

MiddleParking · 30/04/2024 15:09

I think it really depends what he’s away doing and when he’s due to come home. I would go to pretty significant lengths to avoid asking him to cut a work trip short to be honest.

His office is based away, it’s just his office day and he’s got a work meal

i don’t know what I can do, other than pray the pain fades

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 30/04/2024 15:09

I think it really depends what he’s away doing and when he’s due to come home. I would go to pretty significant lengths to avoid asking him to cut a work trip short to be honest.

Anaesthetistsrus · 30/04/2024 15:06

They’re really young … I’d ask him to come home.

And keep chasing the surgery.

Also when you’re better look for a babysitter so the next time you have someone you can call on to help, in a pinch.

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:06

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:05

What do you usually do when you have a flare up?

Depends on how bad it is, if I start vomiting I go to a and e.

normally I just need to rest, don’t eat, and literally pray it goes away

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:05

Amicompletelyinsane · 30/04/2024 15:03

No. If you are that ill get him home

But I almost feel like it’s in my head, all my tests are fine, if it’s ibs why is it this debilitating.

OP posts:
OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:05

What do you usually do when you have a flare up?

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:04

Squishwallow · 30/04/2024 15:03

How old are the DC?

Preschool and toddler so 3 and 18 mnths

OP posts:
Amicompletelyinsane · 30/04/2024 15:03

No. If you are that ill get him home

Squishwallow · 30/04/2024 15:03

How old are the DC?