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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aibu to ask DH to come home immediately from business trip?

289 replies

Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:02

So I have an unknown bowel condition, waiting for exploratory surgery to find cause.

my symptoms are basically pain huge swelling, fatigue and so much mucous (sorry tmi)

ive had every test in the book all fine. Except when I’ve had extreme pain to the Point of vomiting I’ve had bloods that have shown high inflammation markers, and random stool tests that have shown high calprotectin.

hubs is working away, I’ve got the dcs who are preschool age and toddler, im working but I’m having a massive flare up and I’ve been sick from the pain. I can’t take any codeine due to an allergy and the usuals don’t touch the sides. Genuinely concerned I can’t manage the kids. I can’t really stand up straight, my mind is a mess (due to being in pain), can’t take the slightest touch on my tummy.

no family or friends that can/ will help. It’s not unreasonable to ask him to come home is it?

OP posts:
Furrydogmum · 30/04/2024 15:31

Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:26

Could I ask you more on this?

were her pregnancies ‘normal’ and vaginal delivery?

were they spotted In a scan because I’ve had an ultrasound and looked ok, but the mri I had was just for small bowel

Show quote history

I'm sorry I am not sure of the finer details.. She had normal full term pregnancies and vaginal deliveries. I think her consultant considered her foolish to have five pregnancies as she began with the pain after the second. She had numerous investigative procedures and hospitalisation.

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:30

Marblessolveeverything · 30/04/2024 15:26

If suspected appendix you need a&E. Get a taxi, is there anyone who can watch them while you go? If not th n bring them because the alternative is potentially an unresponsive adult with the two little ones.

Literally no one, I can’t cope with them at an and e for 6 hrs. The pain isn’t at those levels thank god! Or I’d have to just tell the school and maybe arrange temporary foster care

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:26

Furrydogmum · 30/04/2024 15:24

My friend had adhesions after bowel surgery and subsequent pregnancies. She suffered a huge amount of pain. Yours sounds similar. I hope you feel some relief soon.

Could I ask you more on this?

were her pregnancies ‘normal’ and vaginal delivery?

were they spotted In a scan because I’ve had an ultrasound and looked ok, but the mri I had was just for small bowel

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 30/04/2024 15:26

If suspected appendix you need a&E. Get a taxi, is there anyone who can watch them while you go? If not th n bring them because the alternative is potentially an unresponsive adult with the two little ones.

Furrydogmum · 30/04/2024 15:24

My friend had adhesions after bowel surgery and subsequent pregnancies. She suffered a huge amount of pain. Yours sounds similar. I hope you feel some relief soon.

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:22

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 30/04/2024 15:21

I think your title has made it sound like a bigger deal than it is. You just need to ask him to come home from work, that's all. The title makes it sound like he's away from home for an extended period.

Cross posts - I thought 'just an office day' meant he was somewhere reasonably local with dinner out then home later. Sorry!

Edited

Well he took a flight? It felt trip adjacent to me, plus I feel utterly incoherent now anyway lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:21

Terrribletwos · 30/04/2024 15:18

I really would suggest you go back to your GP and ask for more tests urgently! You shouldn't be vomiting with IBS.

Show quote history

Something the consultant said is if I have adhesions from years of a grumbling appendix? That can cause the severe vomiting pain and the adhesions could cause the prolonged symtoms

OP posts:
PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 30/04/2024 15:21

I think your title has made it sound like a bigger deal than it is. You just need to ask him to come home from work, that's all. The title makes it sound like he's away from home for an extended period.

Cross posts - I thought 'just an office day' meant he was somewhere reasonably local with dinner out then home later. Sorry!

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:20

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 30/04/2024 15:14

How long is he away for and how long will it take him to get back? How often and how long do flare ups usually last etc? Will it impact his career and the household income if he has to do this?

if he is due back in the next day or two, can you find a way to muddle through, even if the kids have to go to nursery/childminder for longer hours? If he is away for months, absolutely get him back.

He’s back tomorrow.

theres no direct flights left today. I’ve checked
(He’s still in the UK just very north and flying is cheaper than train)
guess I’m powering through

OP posts:
capelmustard · 30/04/2024 15:19

Having suffered from similar in the past, you are being sensible to ask him to come back. There's no way I could have safely looked after young children in that state.

As pp mentioned, look for a babysitter or two that you can call on in future.

I am very thankful I don't get this anymore it was awful, you have huge sympathy from me.

Terrribletwos · 30/04/2024 15:18

Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:06

Depends on how bad it is, if I start vomiting I go to a and e.

normally I just need to rest, don’t eat, and literally pray it goes away

Show quote history

I really would suggest you go back to your GP and ask for more tests urgently! You shouldn't be vomiting with IBS.

foodglorious · 30/04/2024 15:18

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Thats actually really rude. Ive been in hospital with a debilitating condition very very unwell, and at times could still use a phone to message.

Comedycook · 30/04/2024 15:18

How are you financially? If he can't come home can he throw money at he situation.... emergency temporary nanny, cleaner etc?

Sahara123 · 30/04/2024 15:18

I would certainly call my husband in those circumstances and see what he could do .
i had high calprotectin and bowel inflammation markers earlier this year , diagnosed with C Diff infection sorted by antibiotics? Although I’m sure your GP would’ve noticed that

Original poster
Sosomuchpain · 30/04/2024 15:18

Womblingmerrily · 30/04/2024 15:11

How long have you had this for? Both overall and this particular episode.

How long do the flare ups last? What helps/makes it worse?

Have you discussed with him what you should do if it flares up when he is away. Did you form a plan to manage it?

Have you already contacted your doctor? What did they say?

When you say you're working - are you at work?

Have you contacted your husband? What does he think?

Overall I’ve had problems for 7 or so years. I got dismissed a lot when I was young, but had some investigations now. Todays flare started today.

extreme pain will last for a few hours, maybe 6 or so but then I usually end up utterly exhausted, the more common flare ups are moderate pain and last for days or months. There I have limited range of movement, I can’t lift anything heavy because it kills me, I can’t bend or hunch over etc

notbing helps, it’s pot luck. I don’t know, it’s why I’m clueless.

GP advised a and e which I can’t get to, due to the kids

im wfh today but barely functioning, I’ve just been crying in pain all day.

i cant reach him

OP posts:
MILTOBE · 30/04/2024 15:18

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Oh ffs stop being spiteful.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 30/04/2024 15:18

Who normally has the kids when you're working? If they can't have them until your husband gets home, then stop work so you can at least put one of the tasks to one side.

EatCrow · 30/04/2024 15:18

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Yes, my iPad and phone often scream and demand food and play.

CurlewKate · 30/04/2024 15:17

Just a normal work day? Of course ask him to come home. Surely he would be outraged if you didn't!

ButterCrackers · 30/04/2024 15:17

If he’s back soon can you get a babysitter or day and a sitter for the night. I know that will cost but at least you’ll have a solution if you need to go to the hospital. If it’s a long trip then he needs to cut it short.

Squishwallow · 30/04/2024 15:17

I would probably battle through purely because I know that all symptoms will subside the minute he walks though the door because that's stupid fate for you.

Didimum · 30/04/2024 15:16

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Utterly ridiculous comment.

Get him home, OP.

BobbyBiscuits · 30/04/2024 15:15

In your experience, could the flare up die down in a matter of hours, or days? How long would it take for him to get back? If you feel unable to care for the kids and you don't see any improvement likely soon then you have to tell him to come immediately.
Are your family too far away? I don't suppose you could get a childminder at short notice, just to be in the house with you for the kids?
I'm sure it's not in your head, it sounds like you're in a lot of pain and I hope they find out the cause so you can get it sorted.

Lemonandlimehubbabubba · 30/04/2024 15:15

OhHelloMiss · 30/04/2024 15:11

You are able to pick up your phone to mumsnet though

When is he actually due back?

Because typing a few sentences on a phone is equal to looking after 2 children ……😵‍💫

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 30/04/2024 15:14

How long is he away for and how long will it take him to get back? How often and how long do flare ups usually last etc? Will it impact his career and the household income if he has to do this?

if he is due back in the next day or two, can you find a way to muddle through, even if the kids have to go to nursery/childminder for longer hours? If he is away for months, absolutely get him back.