Birthdays - does no one bother any more?

@brightyellowflower you are definitely wrong to blame social media for the lack of birthday presents for your DC. My eldest DC was at primary school before social media was a thing and it was the same then. You bring a present to a party, otherwise not. You may not like it but that's how it is.

She didn't throw her child a party and expected her friends to turn up and give presents anyway. Or maybe take them into school for her - either way it was the other children't parents who should have KNOWN it was her child's birthday and figured out a way to get a present to the poor little mite on the day.
Has to be a wind up.

That is just such a sweeping generalisation. My friendship group always do a card and if a big birthday so 40 and latterly 50 a collection with a gift card we think the person would like. That is whether or not they are having a party or do and regardless, if they are having a celebration, whether we can go or not.

I know from looking at their FB posts that they are also buying presents and and their other friends are also buying them presents for their significant birthdays. Those friends of friends of friends I assume also do it for their groups of friends an so on and so on. There's a bloody lot of card shops about to say no one is buying cards. Some people don't obviously but not everyone - and I do get that card buying is going a bit out of fashion but let's not throw our hands up and say everyone is thoughtless, no one makes any effort.

But you have alll made me realise why my daughter also got zero presents or cards off her friends for her birthday - because we didn't do a party.

This is entirely normal for children. Children don’t generally have money or the means / impetus to buy presents, and your daughter’s friends’ parents aren’t keeping a calendar of the birthdays of all the children their own child knows: they will only know it’s your daughter’s birthday if they are actively told it is because their child has been invited to a birthday party. So yes, if your daughter wants presents then she needs to have a birthday party.

Presumably this isn’t the first year your friends haven’t bought you presents? If they habitually don’t buy you presents yet you continue to buy for them year after year and then get upset that they don’t see this as an indication to reciprocate, you’re just setting yourself up time and time again for disappointment.

I usually avoid the issue of people forgetting my birthday by going away and doing something for me that I like.

This has to be a wind up...a thank you card for wishing someone happy birthday?

You bought someone a thank you card for wishing you happy birthday?

How old is your daughter that didn’t get gifts on her birthday from friends?

It sounds quite odious though, at what point do you stop giving cards to each other, thank you for thinking of me, thank you for thanking me for thinking of you ad nauseum. Cards are expensive, unless you want to give the shitty 12 in a £1 box which do always go straight in the bin.

You can make yourself a victim out of this or you can actually tell people what you would like them to do or, better still, put some effort in yourself. People don't owe you presents and a party because you choose to spend half an hour picking out a card for them. People are not mind readers and people would rather spend time with someone than get something they didn't ask for. Do things with people and stop making it all about one upping people on "care" via gifts.

If you want to do something, you arrange it and invite whomever you would like to be there. It's easy and far easier for the person who wants a bit of a fuss to do than anyone else. We are not kids who need a lollipop when we go to the dentist.

OP I'm sorry that you and your DD didn't get the response on your birthdays that you wanted.

Going forward I'd be looking at what messages you are giving out about your birthdays and what you expect from them. By not making a fuss that signals to others not to make a fuss either. It doesn't need to be an expensive party but you have to give some sign that you'd like to celebrate a birthday as rightly or wrongly people these days don't do it automatically.

This would be a success as far as I'm concerned. I don't wish people to know how old I am (I pass for 10 years younger), and I CBA with presents that need attention (plants flowers) or need shipping to the charity shop, I don't drink much etc.

They send a message over social media. It's hardly reaching out.

They did reach out they sent her happy birthday wishes.

Are you maybe not from the uk? Culturally here when attending a birthday party it’s the norm to take a present. It would be perceived as very poor form to turn up without one. Maybe think of kids when your kids attend a birthday party, but they’d not buy all their class presents otherwise?

so if not hosting unless very close it is not so common just ti send Adults birthday presents. Its lovely they wished you happy birthday and remembered.

im sorry you don’t have much money, and want presents in return as you feel you spent on them, you sound bitter about it.and thats a shame. Maybe next time dont go to their parties so you do not feel the need to buy a gift and don’t feel so upset when you don’t get sent stuff in return?

Happy big birthday. Hope you had a lovely day.

My 50th was similar, bit flat and spent alone. So I treated myself to coffee and far too much cake. Lol x

Cards aren't dead, they just mean they can't be bothered personally.

Cards are cheap you can get five for a pound now in the discount card shops.
It's nice to open a card that someone's chosen for you.
Texts aren't the same.

It's funny to hear Brits throw a party for themselves - it's not a done thing here (Canada). people would be a bit horrified!

Your friends should have reached out to you for your birthday, OP, I'm sorry that they neglected you. Spoil yourself with a new purchase that you would like for yourself, and let it go.

I'd be hurt too.Happy birthday. I think people are cutting back though in general to be honest.

I only get cards from immediate family, and one from an old friend. The same old friend is the only friend I ever send a birthday card to - cards just aren't a thing for most people now. I'd only give a present at a party, I don't remember when I last gave a present to a friend, or a friend gave me one. For me, exchanging presents with non-family is something you do at children's parties and that's about it.

OK, but you must see it's your choice to spend that on them? Gifts are just that.

I have friends who get twitchy if you give them stuff. They don't want expensive gifts - they obviously say thanks or whatever but it sets a precedent with expectations, as you have said. I don't want that to be any issue in my friendships. Some people love spending £5 on a card and something showy to give, but it's not for us.

Maybe just go to their level and take the stress off? Or find new friends if you are very offended. Your call.

Edit to add sorry you nearly died - I also had that a few months ago. What kind of card were you expecting with that? I hadn't even considered that and I live alone! I've not been into Clintons for years though so they probably do do a "sorry you nearly died" card now.

I wonder if they may have misinterpreted your not having a party as that you didn't want a birthday fuss at all? I can't bear to be reminded of my birthday, and especially of any age-milestones, and would be very upset if others did give me birthday wishes and presents. I am doubtless unusual in feeling that way even with regard to family, but there are certainly people who wish their milestone birthdays to be private, family-only occasions. Perhaps your friends thought that you were in this category, and were, as they thought, taking the lead from you, If your friends are in general stingy or selfish or indifferent toward you, then it's very hurtful of them; but if it's just the birthday, it may be a one-off misunderstanding.

Happy birthday !

It doesn't matter if they are "wealthier", what an odd thing to add!
My friends either organise their own party/meal/drinks/walk or we agree just a text is fine. Maybe flowers or a small present for a big one.

No one is going to throw a massive party out of pure love for you unless you have a serious issue (cancer/homeless/someone murdered your whole family this year) and they think you need massive rallying around. Most people past 30 just get on with it OP and celebrate their kids parties.

I fell out with a friend a couple of years because I didn't go to her party (she hadn't actually even invited me!) - she actually called me the C word!
Please don't be one of those people, not at 40, it's just embarrassing.