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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to live on the Army patch?

29 replies

PiranhaPeaches · 30/04/2024 09:32

Following on from the thread about snobbery, my partner of 2 years and I are considering our options. He's in the army, based further north, I work in London but have the kind of job that can find work just about anywhere.

We are planning a move out to the north as it's where he's based and also where I'm from originally.

Until we can buy somewhere, I suggested renting on the patch. He is vehemently against the idea.

My thoughts are it will mean we don't have to pay sky-high rental prices, it will save us hours of driving to see each other every weekend, we'd have much more space than we do now, and we're not at the mercy of landlords who could sell up / evict us. Partners role means little risk of him disappearing for months on end. He has two more years at this base and is likely to extend there until he leaves in 5 years. Living on the patch would be a temporary measure until we buy.

He says the patches are bitchy and horrible and I don't understand what they're like (frankly unless they're whipping eggs at the house or playing D&B at 3am, I don't care. I'm a very laid back person, but my partner is not). He says they tell on each other all the time, make up rumours, and the husbands / partners are up in front of COs to complain / explain.

There is a further complication which I hadn't thought of before, but following on from the snobbery thread I'm including here. My partner is working class. Joined at 16. Senior NCO. I'm the opposite. Come from family of officers, few titles scattered about (not on my side). Privately educated, university, "posh" career. It makes no difference to us, we're together because we have strong shared values and ambitions and because we make each other laugh til we can't breathe. But it sounds like this might cause an issue for other people on base, based on aforementioned thread.

So, am I completely bonkers to consider it? Is it really that bad? Or would it be worth putting up with for a short while?

OP posts:
PiranhaPeaches · 30/04/2024 09:45

Octavia64 · 30/04/2024 09:35

It's like living at work.

Your boss sees you telling off your kids, your co-workers get involved with the fact that Jane is no longer taking to Helen because she didn't get invited to the BBQ etc.

If you don't work with these people it won't impact you as much.

Honestly, it's good to have some space from your colleagues.

It wouldn't be much of a change from how it is now to be honest. He lives in sergeants mess, I live in a houseshare in London.

We both have our own social circles outside of work so although I'm happy to socialise on base (of course) it wouldn't be my sole source of company! We don't go to many army events now tbh, maybe the odd summer party. I probably go to more army events involving school friends than I do involving DP!

OP posts:
PiranhaPeaches · 30/04/2024 09:42

PuttingDownRoots · 30/04/2024 09:37

Honestly... the normal people out number the loobs. You don't need to get involved in any drama. Most people don't.

However... the state of a lot of housing is appalling. Mould. Crumbling walls. Manky carpets and curtains. Takes ages to get repairs.
About the only good thing is its cheap.

Do you ever visit?

Thank you, this is largely my thinking. Assume there will be one or two stirrers but most people are generally pretty decent or simply not interested!

Aware the state of the housing isn't top spec, have spent my fair share of time on a number of bases around the UK before I met partner too. But both partner and I are practical and good at DIY. I haven't seen these particular patch houses from the inside, but the sergeants mess is in reasonably good order. If the patch houses were in a truly appalling state we'd give it a miss however.

We alternate weekends so I'm there fairly regularly. When walking about at the weekends my main impression is how quiet it is to be honest. When I've been there midweek it's still fairly quiet too.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 30/04/2024 09:37

Honestly... the normal people out number the loobs. You don't need to get involved in any drama. Most people don't.

However... the state of a lot of housing is appalling. Mould. Crumbling walls. Manky carpets and curtains. Takes ages to get repairs.
About the only good thing is its cheap.

Do you ever visit?

Octavia64 · 30/04/2024 09:35

It's like living at work.

Your boss sees you telling off your kids, your co-workers get involved with the fact that Jane is no longer taking to Helen because she didn't get invited to the BBQ etc.

If you don't work with these people it won't impact you as much.

Honestly, it's good to have some space from your colleagues.

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