To Tell My BF I'm Upset He Didn't Text Me

You’d be too needy for me and I think you risk causing a situation where he’s tiptoeing around you trying to guess the level of care you need. He really did try this time but instead of texting in the morning he texted in the afternoon to check how it went. Not exactly the crime of the century. I wouldn’t know when the correct time to text is either but towards the end of the day would make sense to me too as that’s when you’d be able to give an update.

You can’t expect one person to fill every gap in your life, if he’s funny, loves you, interesting, generous or whatever maybe that’s enough and you can leave sending caring messages to a parent or a friend of something.

I completely agree.

If you’ve been having performance problems at work, then the last thing you should be doing is going on your phone and texting your bf.

If you wanted to speak to him then you could have messaged him at lunch time and spoken to him about it.

He did text you, just not as early as you had hoped.

If he wasn’t feeling well then it’s normal to cuddle up and watch a film, instead of going on your phone.

I understand how you feel but I don’t think this was personal.

Because these sorts of men only ever go for much younger women.

I think this is just about people all being different.

If I had a shit day on Friday, I wouldn’t want anyone texting me about it on Monday. Wouldn’t want them checking in and seeing how I feel about going in etc. it would just draw attention to it for me. I would be really pissed off at colleagues that kept bringing it up.

He text and asked how your day was. You text him back said you hope he was ok.

So you both text eachother seeing how eachother was. With him texting first. Then neither texted eachother again until later that night. Again, him texting first. But he is uncaring for not checking in again earlier, knowing it was a difficult day for you. But it’s fine that you didn’t check in again, knowing he was ill?

I can only compare it to when I’ve had a rubbish day at work (maybe just frustrating or too busy) as I haven’t had a properly shit day like yours.

i think with my husband it would be a mix. Sometimes he might say goodbye in the morning and add, “hope it’s better today!” Other times I’ll be asleep so might get the same by text at 08:00. But there would be time when - like your boyfriend here - I got a text much later with a more retrospective, “hope it’s worked out better for you today”.

The thing is, whatever version I get, it comes from a backdrop of 100% feeling loved and supported by him. I might not wake him to say, “I feel shit about going in today” - but I know I could. I know that whether I get the text at 08:00 or 15:00, it’s from genuine care, not some kind of duty. Which means it doesn’t to me when I get a message. Or even if. He could forget (occasionally!) and I wouldn’t feel any less loved overall.

So I would step back from this specific incident and look at the overall relationship. In my experience, if you’ve dumped someone once, it’s rarely the right relationship afterall.

If he begged for you to get back together after you’d split up, you’d expect him to put a bit more effort in.

My boyf is a similar age to yours and I have similar issues.
If I’ve got something coming up that I’m worried about, I think it’s nice to get a text to say something like “I hope it goes ok today”. A couple of my close friends do but I would like it from my partner too. I did get that from a previous partner which I think makes it more difficult (but I chose to split up with him for other reasons).
I think quite a few of the replies on here are extreme re both your behaviour and his (although that always seems to be the case!). I think it comes down to needing to communicate your expectations but also managing your own expectations.
I don’t have a solution as in the middle of it myself but I just wanted to empathise with you. Who doesn’t want a thoughtful partner?!?

If youre someone who needs reassurance in this form better to drive away men who can't or won't provide it

"You're crying at work which is completely in professions and behaving in a whining manner to your boyfriend*

Now would be a good time to focus in strengthening your emotions otherwise work and your boyfriend are soon going to thing you are histrionic, attention seeking and flakey

Wow. Internalised misogyny much!!!

You sound delightful

Yes this

Wow. This is a bit harsh! She's already said she's due on, which makes it 10 times harder to control emotions. Trust me I've tried. Crying is a perfectly normal emotional release, and I wouldn't want to work anywhere that didn't understand this.

Plus why can't she tell her partner what she needs emotionally? Many men need telling and showing. They don't always realise what we need.

If he's not responding, then that shows a lack of willing/care, but she needs to address it first, cus he could just be oblivious

Yes, you're being needy, but some people are and some people just are not.

He's not a mind reader either and I'm not sure how many messages you need to exchange in a day these days. When DH and I got together we would send a message every evening (LDR) and it could be 1 message or 5 but that would be it.

I'll never get this messaging stress. In fact If I get messaged too much it gives me the Ick

Sorry not helpful

I haven’t RT whole FT but you don’t sound needy, you sound like someone in a relationship who hopes for a little more care and attention than fuck all.

YANBU.

I am so sorry, but no, not a genuine anything.

Far too many narcissists walk among us. (Him, not you.) He 'hoovered' you back (it's a term). Suggest you look up traits of narcissistic behaviour and see how much else fits.
He can tell you that you're so important to him when he doesn't want to lose you, but look at his actions when you need support. This has made you unhappy for good reason.

Sorry I am with this poster. He wasn't ill - just couldn't be arsed. Not someone I would want in my corner or near me.

So you wanted a message.

he didn’t.

he also explained he was ill.

and you’re still not happy.

when he said he was ill what did you do?

you sound exhausting.

OP it’s totally reasonable to be in a loving relationship and expect emotional support. That’s what your supposed to do for each other. It’s not being whiney or expecting him to be psychic - your two years in. He should know your going through a shit time and be able to support you.

Your two years in and he didn’t realise you’d need checking in on? I just don’t buy that - he doesn’t give a shit OP or he is not mentally able to give you support.

Have a really good think are those times laughing with him really worth feeling alone when the going gets tough for you? How would he be if you got seriously ill? How would he be if someone you loved died? What support would he be able to give you?

You already told him you were going though it so he knew.

You are being needy.

Did you text him to see how he was feeling after you knew he felt unwell?

I'd be seriously taking a long hard look as to whether the relationship has run it's course - 2 years together, living separately I'm guessing, barely texting each other other 🤷🏻‍♀️

As for work, as shitty as it is, you have 2 choices - stick with it or find another job - it's that simple.

If I'm unhappy at work, I'm out of there as quick as possible - life is far too short and there's always something else.

This. PPs are being very unfair. Your partner should be there for you during difficult times. They should have your back. Otherwise you are not a partnership, you are just two people.sharing the same space. The people responding that you should just get on with it yourself are probably avoidant attachers!

What a passive aggressive snide little comment. From ignore everyone else to the fake sorry he’s a dick.

Please don't listen to anyone telling you that you are needy for expecting the bare minimum in your long term relationship.
Sounds like he wants you more when he can't have you, hence the harassing you to get back with him before. Now he's 'got you' he's become lazy again.
You know your worth and you can do so much better.
I'm sorry your bf is such a dick OP.