Parents and DH feud

FWIW, my husband came from a family more well off than my own, and he is waaaay more stingy with money than myself. Also seems to think I'm always being overly dramatic, so I asked him his opinion on this thread, and even he admitted this is absolutely shocking and pathetic behaviour. You'll be happier without him, you and your kids can go to nice fancy dinners with your parents and your son can dance the night away with grandad 🥳

I still don't understand why you're with him, OP.
Why does he have such a problem with people spending THEIR money?
Does he not earn a lot and is jealous? If he does earn a good wage, what is he doing with all the money he's saving by not indulging, doing fun stuff or buying nice things?

Also, if he's got such a huge problem with the way people spend their money, what is it going to be when it comes to your DC's wedding? For all you know they may want a big flashy event. Are they going to deny themselves of it because they don't want to upset their father? Will he refuse to attend? If your parents are still here and are able to attend their wedding, will be refuse to attend then?

If DC decides to throw a big party for their children, will he choose to sit that out too? There goes the hands-on grandfather he's claiming he'll be.

I know I'm asking a lot of questions here, but you need to ask yourself these things, along with some of the bigger things other PPs have raised.

You and your DC (and parents, actually) deserve better than this. And I think you know that.

Exactly, inverse snobbery!

HE’S the only snob, and a really nasty, sneering, angry jealous little one at that.

Looking down his nose at anyone who dares to live differently to the way Mr Working Class Sneer decides is the done thing.

OP your kids are going to hate him when they grow up and realise what a nasty piece of work he is. Cut to the chase now while you can still spend quality time with your parents, get shot of him and don’t let him spoil your times with your children and their families as he’s done with your parents

inverse snobbery - brilliant- that's exactly right. Making out he's so perfect.
I had a boyfriend once like that.
Him and his 3 siblings brought up in a council house.
My parents worked hard, saved and were lucky enough to buy a 4 bed new build a few years only, before we met.
He called it Snob Hall.
My parents were always lovely to him, especially my mum.
It was ridiculous.
Fast forward 40 odd years and I'm now married to dh. (Also 3 siblings and after his parents divorce lived in a council house) but he couldn't be more different
Loves life and always pleased when people have nice homes/ houses/ holidays and is pleased for them / us.

OP beware, the fall out point isn’t going to be your parents, it’s going to be your children - who will undoubtedly grow up and marry other normal people who have fun, dare to go to restaurants, and have happy kind families who also might spend money on holidays and gatherings. And your children will start normal lives of their own and, if they don’t already, will come to despise his judgemental, unpleasant, bigoted crap. And they will stay far away and will keep their children very far away too.

I cannot believe how rude and entitled this man is too. Who the hell would think they get to judge their parents in law on one hand for having too much fun, despise them for it… and still expect them to stop work to give them free childcare?! How can you not utterly despise him OP? He’s utter scum.

It's your son's party, he should be able to decide for himself who he wants to invite, and if he chooses his grandparents, he has the right to have them there and husband can jog on.

Your DS has one 18th party and invites exactly whom he wants to his party - if that means your DH gets the hump because GPs are invited and doesn't go so be it. I can't abide tightness , I'm not quite sure why you are still with him ?

Enjoy the part

I find this post sad, the OP has accepted that her husband is a miserable, tight old git, always was and always will be
He has told her/shown her that he has no time or respect for her parents or making his children happy with regards to their important celebrations, but she asks Mumsnet is she being unreasonable to accept her husbands behaviour!

Your children should come first
I and loads of parents put the utmost importance on family celebrations, school results, university places, exams, degrees, driving tests and other achievements throughout their formative years

He ought to be ashamed that he doesn’t make his family and their successes, happiness and future memories a priority and something to celebrate
What a miserable old man and what awful memories your children will have of their past

Because being miserable and grasping is so attractive. I'm with your parents and the rest of the universe. Have a big party. Invite all the guests your son want and if Capt Brewers Fayre gets his knickers in a twist over that then it's only himself who will suffer. If he's the kind who wants to make others suffer for having a celebration you have bigger problems. You know this man. He sounds controlling and mean.

“As for him gloating/threatening that he’ll be able to retire long before you”

This is disgusting of him too. I would prioritise divorce and seek legal advice to try and ensure he doesn’t get any of your parents money in the future.

Also, what will he do if his kids grow up wanting to go on holiday, eat out etc? Will he disown them??

Life is too short to spend with someone who hates your family and makes life difficult for you. He sounds unhinged. Who hates people to that extent “for their lifestyle choices” when they are not hurting anyone?? He could disagree with them - sure. But he’s making your life unnecessarily hard and showing a complete lack of respect for you as his wife. If he respected you he would make an effort because they are important to you.

I hope you have said to him at some point in the last 20 years that he can't take his money with him?

Expecting your parents to give up work to look after your children is just madness. My paternal grandmother was only in her early 40s when my older brother was born...she worked for another 30 years. I doubt my parents ever even had the thought that she should be providing childcare...

He accuses your parents of being snobs, however he sounds like an inverse one to me. I'd seriously be thinking about your future with this man. I think your retirement years would be very miserable with him. He's also setting a terrible example to your children.

@Acornsoup
DeeCeeCherry

OP hasnt asked for advice on leaving her husband. She says she's ok as shes her own person and spends her money as she likes. & she likes her husband - she's said so. Im bemused as to why this is a 'leave him!' thread. Given that when her parents pass then OP's husband is going to also benefit from their money despite hating them it seems to me OP is as bad as he is, only in a different way. Bearing in mind their DS has to listen to open hatred of his grandparents and can't even invite them to his 18th, which cant be pleasant for him, all in all OP being her own person able to spend as she likes sounds a bit trite doesn't it.

I think you've missed the point. Why would she stay with him? He brings nothing.

I think @DeeCeeCherry has listened to OP and has nailed it - she hasn't missed the point at all!
OP didn't ask for any advice on whether she should leave or not

OP please please don’t let your DH spoil your relationship with your parents. Once they’re gone you’ll miss them terribly and be full of regrets and it will be too late. They must be so sad when they see the life you’re living with him, I know I would be.

For goodness sake set yourself and your children free from this chippy bastard.

I think you've missed the point. Why would she stay with him? He brings nothing.

This is boiled frog syndrome. It started as seeming down to earth, now 20 years later it means you can’t go to a restaurant, can’t celebrate a birthday.

Your background doesn’t exactly sound like Saltburn. I think he’d struggle to find a woman who family didn’t go to a restaurant on occasion.

How is he with the kids? Like what happens if they wanted to try something he considered ‘posh stuff’ eg tennis?

So anyone different than him is to be hated? Life is too short to be so miserly.

Hopefully the parents have their heads screwed on and will skip a generation so only the grandchildren will inherit, I wouldn’t imagine they would like this awful man to get their money whilst dancing on their graves.

OP hasnt asked for advice on leaving her husband. She says she's ok as shes her own person and spends her money as she likes. & she likes her husband - she's said so. Im bemused as to why this is a 'leave him!' thread. Given that when her parents pass then OP's husband is going to also benefit from their money despite hating them it seems to me OP is as bad as he is, only in a different way. Bearing in mind their DS has to listen to open hatred of his grandparents and can't even invite them to his 18th, which cant be pleasant for him, all in all OP being her own person able to spend as she likes sounds a bit trite doesn't it.

Stingy and boring - not the best qualities

Take my advice and get rid of him too!

This. Not cool at all, he sounds very controlling - tell him to get over himself.

Out of interest how does he feel about higher education does he want your children to do well in life and have they taken on his views as their own?

I was wondering about this too