Parents and DH feud

Your husband is unbelievably selfish. Even if you don’t like your partners parents you should at least tolerate them and be pleasant towards them for the sake of your wife surely? He’s not going to show up to his son’s birthday if they go because he wasn’t invited to your dad’s birthday dinner? He is being ridiculous, you are entitled to have dinner with your dad without your husband present. Tell him to grow up or piss off

Who knew there were so many show off snobs around? Just normal folk going about their business, working and spending their hard earned cash on whatever they want. Your DH is absolutely bonkers.

what does DH spend his money on @eveningqueen456 ? Does he work and just save save save? For what?

Money never ever to be spent. He might retire but he won’t part with a penny on anything enjoyable (aka show offy or snobby). These are terms I’ve not really said about people since primary school. It’s a bit juvenile.

I doubt your kids will want Mr Miserable providing any childcare. Even if it’s free!!

“If I don't leave him soon I think he may leave me as my parents are going to become a bigger part of my life as they get older and I don't think he will be able to cope with this.”

This is a huge thing to say as you’ve skirted round this issue until now.

My ex husband didn’t like us seeing my parents more even though they were able to help us through a very difficult 2 years, looking after our DD. He resented that even though his own parents were older and not mobile, so I had to sometimes lie to my parents that we were busy and couldn’t see them.

I don’t get why it upsets him to the point where he doesn’t want to see them or dictates where other people spend their money or birthdays

I feel sorry for your child too

You parents have seemingly done nothing wrong, they won’t be around forever and you don’t want to live with that regret.

You need to tell him to shape up or split - I’m sorry

What happens if your children become really successful in their jobs and potentially earn lots of money? Will he disown them unless they live way, way, below their means and never do anything that indicates they have money. Would he expect them to rent eternally because buying their own house would be being flash?? It's a really sad situation to be in. You could see them disappear over the horizon if every time they do well their father criticises their choices.

Normally, when I read about conflicts between someone’s spouse and parents, I would advise the person to back their spouse. That is unless their spouse is obviously in the wrong. OP, your husband is wrong. He sounds jealous and judgmental. His attitude will damage your children’s view on money. I would put my foot down now and if it ended my marriage, then I would think it’s for the best.

Every time your husband makes a comment about how your parents spend their money or their financial choices, I would tell him to mind his own business unless they are asking him for money. He honestly sounds miserable and miserly and can’t seem to get along with anyone who isn’t.

Does he also chastise your children for going to restaurants or cinemas for dates? What’s he going to do when they marry and want to have a wedding, or when they have children and take vacations? How’s he going to react to their partners?

I would have a serious conversation with your husband. I would tell him that if his only complaint against your parents is how they spend their money, then he needs to get over it. For this occasion, he needs to suck it up and be there for your child.

He can be so lovely but only to people he likes and they are what he calls "run of the mill" people who don't spend money to show off.

Spending your hard-earned money on things you like and enjoy is not 'showing off'. Your husband sounds insufferable.

Look on the bright side, you'll get half of his lovely savings

This is such a sad post.

Does he love you, or even like you. If you became ill were unable to work would he care for you.

I think deep down I know he is out of order

I'm really sorry that this is deep down. Your posts shout out to everyoe who has responded on here what an awful, controlling and unpleasant man your husband is. It's sad that it has taken several hundred posts for you to realise this.

It’s like you are sleepwalking.

Or if your kids’ partners do about you both in the future…?

God @eveningqueen456 every time you post he just sounds worse and worse.

I bet he likes your aunty and your neighbour as they show him deference that makes him feel important and bigger/ better than them.

He sounds like a fucking misery.

I just can't understand why he has such disdain for people who spend their own money differently to him. It's actually really small-minded, mean-spirited and myopic.

The assumption that he thought your mum should give up work to look after your DC is just dreadful. Really really grim. Sounds like he is living in his own fundamental patriarchy. He needs to wake up and see how the world has changed.

I am so glad your DP are living their life how they want to.

Do you think you could show him this thread?

Imagine having hatred for someone because they wanted to pay for the wedding your wife wanted and occasionally going to a nice restaurant.

What does he do when there is something to actually be angry about?

he seriously needs help. That’s not normal behaviour.

This is so, so sad to read. I so hope you leave this man. Once your parents are dead you will regret allowing him to treat them this way.

Your husband sounds very jealous. He is jealous of your parents and anyone else with money. What makes him think he can dictate how other people spend their money? Your parents are doing nothing wrong.

I really don’t like the sound of the way he responds well to your aunt because she is overly polite to him. She fawns. He feels he has ultimate control and is some kind of generous benefactor in assisting her. Yet he can’t help your parents because they don’t fawn and have more money than he does. He seems to only like being around people where he is top dog and made to feel the big man. This also comes across as coercive control to me.

Im wondering also if he is a communist, or has some other strong political ideology?

Your DH or right, life is too short to spend it with people you don't like, I hope he includes himself in that's scenario. Imagine your life in a few years OP, your parents are gone, your children have flown the nest, do you really want to spend your middle age with such a tight arse who doesn't know how to enjoy himself.

Her husband has said he'll retire early because he can afford to. She'll have to carry on working. There's no sharing in the offing.

I recall a neighbour retired headmaster who was like this his wife had to carry on working until she had a large inheritance including a house. She packed her bags, moved out and divorced him. We were all cheering her on. He moaned to his male mates that he couldn't understand why.

How would your DH feel if you spoke of his family like he does about yours : criticizing their lifestyle, expressing disapproval on how they spend their money and time, expressing your dislike for them.

I don't like saying this OP but I think your H will very happily spend any money that is left to you by your parents, I don't think he will feel at all squeamish about doing this one bit. I morally feel he doesn't have a right to that money but that's me and it's your marriage and you will do as you will

Your husband sounds horrible. Have a party with your parents & let him stay home being miserable alone. Who is he to dictate what your father does for his own birthday? And trying to put a dampener on your kids 18th by making him choose between his dad & grandparents? He sounds pretty mean.

He has never stopped me seeing my parents and I see them fairly regularly but he is so full of hatred for them that he can't be in the same room as them.

How can you even stand to be in the same room as him OP?

He is repulsive. Anyone who was 'full of hatred' towards my parents wouldn't get to spend another day in my life.

You are probably going to be able to retire quite comfortably because you more than likely will inherit from your parents.

Horror of horrors she can probably take half his pension (and savings) too. She will be a lot richer and he will be a lot poorer - which should actually make him happier since he hates money. However it will screw up his plans to retire early to look after the non existent grandkids.

Divorce him before he retires OP, especially if he's planning on an early one.

EDIT - pp are asking very good questions. What will happen if your adult children decide on holidays abroad or fancy weddings, or a very nice car? Will he disown them too?

This, exactly. Your husband sounds like an insufferable, bitter, miserly, controlling twat. Stop pandering to him. If he doesn't want to join in, let him go off and sulk on his own. Why does he get to dictate the terms of other people's lifestyles, for God's sake?

You say you do what you always want but have you been on family holidays that you want to go on, or was camping your choice? Have you been able to do things with the DC that you have always wanted to do?

Your DH sounds extremely hard work OP. Your parents haven't actually done anything wrong for him to be so rude.

I imagine you compromise a lot for your DH, maybe in ways you aren't even acknowledging.

You have a DH problem.

I'd let him know how things will be from now on and let him know if he won't agree and grow up, he can move out.