Parents and DH feud

This is my concern going forward

My dad was a bit like your DH. I didn't forgive him and I didn't forgive my mother for putting up with it.

This thread has made me really sad. The thought of the poor OP and her kids being stuck with this man who clearly wants to suck every ounce of joy from life is just, well, depressing.

OP your husband is awful and this is NOT normal. You will regret the way he’s treated your lovely parents. Get out of this relationship where you seem to be submissive to his demands - he sounds like a petulant child and you let him get away with it.

I expect that @eveningqueen456 has a lot to think about and process. When you've had twenty years of attempted conditioning which you've resisted for yourself at times but otherwise fallen in with. You don't think ahead as to how it will affect your relationship with adult children, but that day does come and it's here now.

On mothers day my youngest was away. So a month later when they were all free, they took me out to dinner sans father. It was lovely he wasn't there to be honest because he'd have driven the conversation.

My eldest said to his face recently that he'd been very strict, husband honestly thought he was a laid back dad. If we had laid back times it was because I'd put my foot down.

OP won’t come back to this thread now bc she’ll have probably been expecting a lot of comments that advise her how to persuade her FH (FOUL husband) to swallow it for the day for the sake of their son. What she’s received however is 99-100% of posters telling her what a complete and utter shit he is and advising/telling her to leave him. Also criticising her for abandoning her parents by meekly falling into line on his say so. After 20 years she has probably convinced herself this is acceptable to some degree so she has been able to live with it, but 100’s of posters are telling her this is out of order and absurd, and warning her of the further damage it will likely wreak on her and her kids’ relationships in the future. If she doesn’t want to leave him there’s really nothing she can say which won’t be torn apart by attempting to defend him.

But it’s not too late OP - don’t let him ruin another 20 years for God’s sake! He will only get worse and you are allowing him to dictate yours and your children’s lives!

That’s not love.

How can you better live with this man? How do you have any respect for yourself living with a man who is so awful to your parents?

Leave him for the good of your current and future family. X

Your husband sounds like a manchild. What a terribly sad life situation for you.

I don’t think I could have been with someone so easily ticked over nonsensical stuff. You say he didn’t expect you to chose, but he did and you did. The fact that you’ve gone about your life for 20yrs without being able to talk to your life partner about the people that gave you life is astounding. Truly, truly astounding.

But the grandad would be happy for his sil to come if he came along happily, clearly over the years he hasn’t and thinks he can dictate where the grandad has his birthday, the husband doesn’t want to include grandad full stop! Your post makes absolutely no sense

I'm sorry OP but your DH sounds just awful. I would honestly seriously consider leaving him. He is controlling and miserable and is making life harder.

I hope the ops parents are at her house now , having had a lovely dinner with op and the grandchildren, and her Dh has taken himself out of the house to sulk like the judgemental teenager he is.

I have known a couple of women who were married to tight fisted men.

One died in a work related accident and his wife blew through the compensation and all his savings accounts within a year. Her house became party central as she made up for lost time

The other was a much older woman. When her miserable tight fisted husband (who didn’t believe in banks and paid for everything from money made from his cash only business) had a stroke.
He was put in a home and she ripped the house apart pulling up floorboards, taking the backs off paintings and ripping open mattresses. She even got someone to blow his safe.
There was money everywhere

What I can tell you about these men was for all their controlling behaviour and careful savings through complete meanness, when it came down to it. No one shed a tear over them.
It was just a huge relief when they died

I can't believe the level of cheeky fuckery and entitlement in this alone its madness the husband is away with the fairies no wonder the OP's family don't like him, he looks down on them, is rude and treats them and the OP like shit and then gets pissed off his MIL didn't give up her job to save him paying for childcare! Utterly batshit crazy logic and extremely entitled god I couldn't bare a man like that to touch me his personality is so unattractive I'd rather be celibate.

I can't believe what I've actually read my jaw will remain on the floor for while!

@eveningqueen456 your husband has more red flags than a bloody Communist party meeting! He sounds like a massive snob and a hateful, controlling childish cunt! Having a sulk because he couldn't dictate where your dad held his own bloody birthday!

OP never mind about him leaving you kick his tight fisted arse out the door why on earth are you still with this man he basically wants to control how, when, where, what and cost they spend its none of his fucking business for a start HE ISN'T PAYING FOR THEIR LIFESTYLE so your parents can live and spend how they want!

Even tantruming over the wedding ffs he wasn't paying for it that was incredibly generous of your parents no wonder they don't like him he rudely threw their generousity back in their faces and insulted them because he doesn't agree with their lifestyle. Its madness.

Your husband is also a massive cheeky and entitled fucker he treats your parents like shit, looks his nose down at them and gets angry because THEY LIKE TO SPEND THEIR MONEY and thinks he's entitled to them providing free childcare for him!!! He's absolutely fucking crazy, taking the piss and overall a selfish miserable cunt!

Regarding your sons birthday why do you want him there seething because of the cost that he isn't even covering? And all because your parents are there. Its nuts tell him he doesn't have to come and he isn't wanted because he spoils the evening with his hateful and incredibly rude behaviour and the same with your dad's birthday. Tell your dad to do and invite whoever he likes and if H goes mad he wasn't invited point out to him that rightly your father wants to enjoy his birthday and doesn't want H there because he's nasty hateful and rude.

You can't behave like a cunt and then be pissed off the people you treat badly don't want you around and your dad can't win anyway unless he allows your H to dictate it all. Either way your H would still complain and get angry so stop pandering to him and enjoy your celebrations.

Throw him out OP and start enjoying your life without that miserable fuckwit dragging you down find a man who isn't so tight and unpleasant. I couldn't ever find a man like that attractive just the description of your husband makes me wanna puke.

I cannot get over the fact a grown man has spent 5 years sulking that he didn’t get to go to a Brewers Fayre. LTB. You only get one life and this is a beyond grim way to spend it.

Bloody hell I can't stand my in laws but they would never know and I try my best to not let me husband know either as unless something REALLY bad has happened then it's not fair to make them feel that way. Your husband sucks a bit .

What are you going to do if your children get married? Have 2 weddings?

Your husband sounds very judgemental. I couldn't live with someone who felt like that about my parents, it would be a deal breaker for me.

So he wanted you to have a shit wedding when you were being offered the one of your dreams and he wanted your mum to give up work so he wouldn’t have to pay for childcare, wow red flags a plenty with this one

Your husband sounds like d!ck and if he treated my parents that way i wouldn’t have taken long to make my decision and choose them over him

I reckon the DH has £££ so OP isnt going anywhere. Again - she said she likes her husband. & can go out and spend her money as she likes. Yet still, advice is 'leave him' when she's not asked for advice on leaving him and nor has she said that she wants to

So your DH is prepared to boycott his own child’s 18th birthday party because he doesn’t want to be in the same place as your parents & his son’s grandparents.

Im not the biggest fan of my in laws but honestly your DH sounds unbearable. Does he have any redeeming features? How have you & your kids put up with him for so long?

Wowser it's nit like your parents,expected you to pay. Sounds like your hubby has a inferior complex- why have you stuck by him he sounds toxic.

Bloody hell. Just leave your husband out of the party!

on a more serious note, this is horribly controlling. I hope this is not indicative of how he treats you in general.