Parents and DH feud

It’s so hard when families are like this. We have a similar situation but it’s definitely my psrents and other family members in the wrong. My husband tolerates them for my benefit and I tolerate them for my kids benefit but they’ve been vile to him over the last 30 years. Just makes everything so hard.

Yet in the reverse situation where the wife doesn't get on with her in laws the MN mantra is that he should always 'support' his wife! Surely not even more hypocrisy.

things got better between me and my husband because he said the only way to move on was to never talk to him about them or expect him to have anything to do with them and it was ok - we rarely argued any more because all our arguments were usually about my parents.

Things got better because you did as your husband told you to.

@eveningqueen456 I had similar when we got married. We had arguments about quite a few things, including them inviting their friends and my friends then couldn't be invited.
My parents weren't wealthy when I was growing up but are now and can be a bit extravagant with it which makes my husband uncomfortable.
However, after our arguments over the wedding we realised that it wasn't going to change so we lived how we wanted and let them do things their way.
This means we join in their plans when it's more expensive like your dad's birthday meal as it's their choice. When we do things, we do it at our price point.
My DH doesn't like it but realises the pain it would cause me to be in conflict with my family so sucks it up. I do believe this is how a marriage should be.
Neither have changed their minds over the years but rub along so the kids have a positive relationship with their grandparents.
I would say that my DH wouldn't complain about me going out with a friend as he respects my decisions. It's not like I'm getting us into debt from the odd Costa!
I just wanted to share to say I understand your side, but really, he is being very selfish and unkind to you. You don't deserve to be treated like this. It's more than disagreeing over money. He's controlling everything which isn't healthy.
Your poor son.

I have no words for this. Everything said above has pretty much covered it.

i wonder what your husband will do when it’s time for your kids’ weddings and celebrations and they want to celebrate with something other than tea and biscuits in a church hall. Will he begrudge them that? Will he be giving up work to provide childcare? Will he be insisting they celebrate in his way. He will alienate his own kids and their future spouses the same way he has your parents? Lots to think about here

What a tight wad! How have you tolerated this all these years? Awful behaviour

Your dh sounds like the worst sort of snob there is imo. Those who snobs downwards. Aka only the bare minimum is ever tolerated and anyone else who wants more or better are wrong.

I find people like that difficult to be around.

He sounds tight and has a massive chip on his shoulder caused by his fragile ego. Your parents sound great on the other hand.

Hi op @eveningqueen456 , I agree with everyone else on here.

I am interested to know about his parents and his relationship with them (and your and your sons relationship with them)?

Would they be invited to your sons party?

He sounds jealous and controlling to me too.

What a depressing life. Why have you stayed in it? Do you actually even like him? He doesn’t like anyone, particularly himself.

I dread to think what will happen as your kids get older OP and want to get married. Presumably he won’t be going to that either if your parents were coming and they’ll only be allowed to have it where he thinks is suitable or he won’t speak to them next.

Your husband is a controlling abusive childish cunt.

Maybe one day your dh will grow up.

and maybe one day he will realise how your parents spend their money is their business.

jealousy and meanness are not nice qualities in a person, it is sad you didn't see this before you married.

Op it's a form of abuse to control your relationships like this.

Your husband sounds like he sucks any joy out of life. I hope your children haven’t inherited his mindset.

Your dh is awful. It’s none of his business what your parents spend money on. Can’t believe he expected your mum to give up work and provide childcare.

your ds should only have one party. If your dh chooses not to come that’s on his head. Your poor parents must be worried sick about you.

Your DH is a nasty, stingy, controlling arsehole, so there's your problem. Your parents sound fine.

He sounds like an absolute nightmare. What’s it got to do with him how your parents spend their money?!
Eww.

My dad was like your DH and now I barely talk to him.

He was a scrooge who hated 'snobs' as he'd call them (i.e me). All he wanted to do was go to butlins, eat at the grotty pub round the corner,

When I said I was off to a nice restaurant for a friend's birthday, going on a holiday abroad, or god forbid buying an expensive piece of clothing with my hard-earned money he would go on an on about 'why would I want to do that? Why don't I tell me friend to go to the grotty pub around the corner, the food won't be nice where we're going, what a waste of money, you could get the same top in Asda for half the price etc etc.

When I announced I was off to uni and moving out, because I wanted a decent job and to leave my shitty hometown he basically disowned me. He thought I should carry on with my job in the local supermarket and who did I think I was trying to better myself with 'all those snobs'.

Such a miserable way to live. Life is for enjoying.

Who made him your boss - I bet he can be lovely -/when he’s getting his own way!!!!! Does he stop the children seeing his grand parents? How dare he!!!!!

Absolutely.

For that alone your husband needs to get a grip. For his attitude over your son's 18th he needs a flea in his ear.

What a mean, selfish attitude.

For the first 15 yrs of our marriage things were always tense between us because I always felt on edge trying to keep the peace

15 years of a bad atmosphere.. What do you honestly get out of this relationship at all?

You don’t say much bur it sounds like you’re living parallel lives: separate friends and social life, parents and sister kept apart from the family, etc.

OP I know a couple like you and your DH. The husband sounds just like your DH. He can’t stand his wife’s family because they spend money on nice things, go on nice holidays, eat out in nice restaurants. They do it because they can afford it and because they want to.

He talks constantly about money - the price of this, the price of that.

The couple are in their 70’s now and they are miserable. They bicker constantly, have no shared interests.

Seriously, get out now before you feel it’s too late. You have allowed this man to impact the relationship you have with your parents. And the relationship your children have with them.

He is narrow minded and selfish. The fact that he expected your mum to give up work to provide childcare speaks volumes in terms of his views of women. He also feels like the world owes him something.

Good grief OP, your dad is either or about to be 80 and is generous and you enjoy his company and your parents love, they don’t have a whole lifetime ahead of them, don’t lose these precious years any longer.

I wonder how your husband would feel about spending any inheritance you may have left to you in years to come.

Your son is nearly 18, sounds like you are more in tune with your side of the family, it’s never too late to Chuck him back, sooner rather than later.

What a chippy little prick he is.

Spot on!