Parents and DH feud

@Loopylambs no-one should expect/presume grandparent to give up work to provide childcare, doesn’t matter what your background is. Also very misogynistic to assume it would be MIL not FIL.

Also OP said in a later posts that he doesn’t want his son to have a party as that would involve spending money.

Parents can’t visit or be spoken about in the house. That is more than just down to different backgrounds and expectations

He presumed she would give up work to help with childcare , different backgrounds and expectations .
He doesn’t want to be part of 18 th birthday celebrations with in laws .
Hardly abusive to only have camping holidays , many families do. ?
Sounds like very different backgrounds and expectations, I can see both sides.

@Loopylambs did you see the bit where he expected his MIL to give up work to provide childcare? How is that reasonable?

He doesn’t want his child to have a party for his 18th

Only wants camping holidays

Not sure about all of this . Parents and DH have different values and lifestyles. DH gets on well with Aunt and helps her out and she has helped out with DC . Why would your Parents ask for help with cars/ moving furniture, when they don’t get on with DH and have never helped you with childcare etc? A posh restaurant for parents 75 th birthday without grandchildren ? They don’t sound family focused., which is fine and their choice but I can see both sides.
Sounds like DH has had to compromise too, expensive wedding with “real champagne “when he would have felt more comfortable with tea and cake in hall.
If DH wants to take Son to pub and buy him a pint for 18th let him . If parents want lavish party with Son let them. Both have very different expectations.

OP is not coming back

Sounds a like a passive /aggressive response i.e. he resents that they have money to spend and are having a nice time because he isn't able to do that and its projected onto them as "they're extravagant" or irresponsible or they make him feel inadequate or whatever it maybe. People's attitude to money is often pretty complicated in terms of how they "use" it emotionally. Were your husband's parents particularly frugal ?

Sounds like he takes the " working class " philosophy to the extreme. He is the one who is actually the snob.

Staying with him when he disrespects your parents is bad enough but if you stay and he happily spends, tries to say how it is spent, or thinks any inheritance is his when they have died would be like shitting on their love for you.

Wake up.

Your husband is pathetic. Behaving worse than a child! His way or the highway? Spoilt brat!
massive ick!
what does he do with “his” money?! Can’t take it with you, might as well spend it and enjoy that one short chance at life!

I feel he has already sucked a LOT of life out the OP. She will say she does what she wants, but yet, he controls her speech within the house with him present.

That isn't a life filled with happiness and love, at all. It's a life filled with stringent control and hatred. I hope the OP sees that she needs to leave, and soon. Her children have already grown up around this miserable, nasty tightwad. Are they going to think that this is the way all families should be?

The first time he said he hated most of my family, I would have sent him packing. His narrow-minded view of the world and how one's life should be run, is actually disturbing. I agree with PP that he will not be better "for one day". I doubt he could do it for an hour.

OP--find your value and your worth. You KNOW you deserve better than this twat waffle as a partner.

Also, as another person mentioned, he may hate your parents, but I bet he will greedily accept their inheritance, if there is any. If there is, and you have stayed with him, I hope you use it ONLY for you and your children and use it to help you retire early.

Look at it this way, OP. Do you REALLY want to live another 20-30+ years with someone so rigid, controlling and mean?

I would rather be alone than to ever be with someone who could not tolerate anything but what he wanted in life.

Leave him before it gets worse so you can actually ENJOY being around your parents for the coming years.

Lol. THIS. Can’t wait until he tells a daughter in law to be that unless the wedding reception is exclusively a cake from a box mix in the church basement she can never set foot in his house again.

He’s absolutely ridiculous. It’s nothing to do with him how someone else spends their birthday. How would he feel if your Dd had told him what to do and where to go for his own birthday? He sounds abysmal Op sorry.

OP, I don't believe you answered the question on the first page or so about who was to pay for your dad's 75th. Was everyone meant to pay for themselves or was it to be understood that you'd all chip in and pay for your mum and dad?

Oh my god,
This post ( I could be wrong) sounds like theres more to the story.
Like the OP works their butt off, earns Loadsa money, pays HALF of ALL BILLS, including RENT, half the Car, Half school fees. And calls it Equal /fair.
Otherwise. How would DH tolerate Life??????

Your husband’s totally right—f*ck people who eat in restaurants.

JOKING!

sounds like a massive cahunt.

This has really reminded me of the time my 1st husband shouted and complained and whined for a whole week when I wanted to take my child to my mum's for Christmas. I'd missed the year before as he was newborn. It had been "my turn" for ages but the following year he made out I was being a selfish bitch for wanting to go.
That was my mum's last Christmas and I never forgave him.

Controlling much? Wtf are you still married for? You need to bloody well ring a peal over his head and make him realise how out of line he is. I can't quite believe you let him do this all these by years. Wtf is it to do with him if your parents want a party or nice meal out.
Get a backbone.

Your husband is a raging snob. How ironic!

Yup, exactly what I was thinking. He’s bitter, controlling and jealous, but is perhaps reigning it in just enough to not land himself in a divorce before the payout.

Your husband sounds like a bit of a dick and seems jealous if people who have money. I assume your parents worked hard and are enjoying the benefits of their efforts so if they want to celebrate at a nice venue then fair enough. Brewes Fayre can be pretty poor. I'm sure you and your sister had a nice evenjng without him.

Gosh, well you're just two very different people with very different values, aren't you? He's not wrong. You're not wrong. You're just both very different.

But your parents were wrong 5 years ago not to invite him and give him the opportunity to decline. That was mean, and it's not surprising he's bitter.

Do you really want to stay married to him? Your parents are likely the most supportive and loving people you will ever meet. They must feel terribly hurt.

One day you’re going to feel very sad about how your husband treated your parents and affected your relationship with them. I couldn’t be with a man like this.

I would be interested to hear from the 3% who voted YABU in the poll??