Parents and DH feud

Sorry OP, your DH sounds insufferable.
Have you considered that life might be more pleasant without him?

You've been an absolute mug to allow this type of behaviour to continue for as long as it has

Your DH sound squarely in the wrong here, if he's held it against your parents all these years that they worked and had fun and weren't available to provide his family with free childcare 😮

Leave your husband before he takes all you inheritance.

I bet your son has a better party if he isn't there.

Eurgh. Nothing makes tbe libido shrivel up like a tightwad man.

Why does he get to decide who is and isn’t worthy? What a pompous prig.

Your parents sound quite jolly, they must be wondering why on earth you married such a miserable git - as is everyone on Mumsnet.

Your children will soon be flying the nest, I suggest you join them before wasting any more of your life.

What do you really see in this mean spirited, rigid thinking tightwad? I bet he won't be backwards in spending any inheritance you may get from them!

I know someone in this position who is married to an arse like this and it's untenable. Every family occasion has to be done his way or he sulks (or goes to work even on Xmas day if the DPs ask if they can quickly pop in to drop off presents!) I know its hackneyed view on here but he's very much undiagnosed ND (the eldest DC is ND) but refuses to get help, and basically its his way or the highway. She has a FT job now thank goodness and is planning her exit!

I’m sorry OP your DH sounds like an utter bore. It doesn’t sound like you knows how to have fun at all and resents anyone who does as they’re ‘snobby’ and not ‘run of the mill’. Why are you with him?

When I went back to work he also presumed my mum would give up work to offer us childcare but she carried on working till her 70's so they can afford the lifestyle they choose to live.

Why not his mum? Or indeed, why not pay for childcare like, um, the vast majority of other working people?

It's so hard to understand why has been pandered to such that he still does it.

Surely everyone could have been invited to the nice restaurant & him go or not as he pleased?

Unless he was being asked to pay what difference did it make to what restaurant it was?

Your husband is a selfish arse and is prepared to ruin his son's 18th birthday because he doesn't want to be near your parents? Tell him when the party is and if he isn't there then tell him to pack his shit and go.
I'll bet he won't mind spending any of the inheritance they may leave you, I can't believe what a mean spirited and selfish excuse of a human he really is - tragic.

What a souless man, sad man
He has a massive chip on his shoulder and is jealous of your parents and anyone enjoying their lives to the full
Though he will tell you differently

Have you stopped to think about your life as you get older and that by staying with him, you will never have a relationship with him like the one your happy parents share
Can you imagine living a fulfilling life with him around when your children eventually leave home?

That thought would put the fear of God in me and I would be gone

Your husband is a terrible combination of miser, kill-joy and reverse-snob.

Marrying him was clearly bad enough, but to still be with him when he doesn't want you to see your own parents because they just live their lives as they see fit? And didn't drop everything to provide free childcare for him?

Wow

Why on earth are you still married to him???

Doesn't sound like it's going to be a big loss when he's not there.

I would call his bluff, if he's really that petty he's going to miss out on such a big milestone it's just going to be him that looks bad.

@eveningqueen456, can I ask what his redeeming qualities are?
Apologies if it's already been asked

I think your dh really needs to grow up - unless your parents have been very unfair or rude to him over the years. It’s hard to know with only one side of the story, but he ought to try and make an effort.

Why don’t you and your children move in with your parents? Sounds like you’d all be happier.

Your parents sound really lovely btw.

@eveningqueen456

I hope you're reading the replies and seriously reconsidering your life and why you're staying in the marriage. Setting the 'feud' aside, why do you want to live with such a miser if you can afford, or have the means to afford, a 'real' life spending your money for what you want? And if you can't afford it, IMHO you should be working towards affording it.

And I hate to bring up 'dead man's shoes', but have you considered the ramifications of the control over any inheritance you or your children may receive from your parents 'in the fullness of time'? It will be considered joint property/funds and do you really think he's going to give you any control whatsoever over if and/or how these funds are used? I certainly don't. At best they'll be squirreled away in a joint account never to be touched so he can gloat silently over the amount, at worst he'll put it under his name so you don't 'squander' it.

There's much more here at stake than just you having to tiptoe around him.

So your husband won’t even put himself out for your son’s party?
How is your relationship with your husband? Do you do anything nice together?

I doubt she was expecting this response.

It’s unusual that we all stand together so strongly, I like it, but it must be hard for her to take in.

I couldn't be with someone like this, personally. It sounds like you're very different people and his 'snobby' comments makes him sound like a massive inverted snob with a chip on his shoulder.

Does he enjoy being prickly and getting annoyed by people having fun?

Your DH is a miserable bastard and I'd not put him before your parents who btw sound lovely. Why did your DH expect your mother to give up working to look after your children, what a fuckin twat!

@eveningqueen456

What a vile horrible man. I can't believe you've put up with the shit show of living with this miserable joy sucking twat for 20 years.

Make it stop now.

Let your son have his party and invite whoever he wants. So what if the miserable grinch won't come? Who's going to miss him?

See your parents when you want and ignore him if he sulks.

Make plans to leave. You, your children and your parents will all be so much happier.

Sounds to me like he is jealous of your parents having the money to live the life they want. Did he expect them to be frugal so that you can inherit a bigger chunk?
What a tiring man he seems to be. When do you get to do what you want and have the holidays you want?