When someone dies.....

My parents are in their mid-eighties and mum has been 'Swedish Death Cleaning' for about 10 years now. Apart from my dad's home office, all the 'stuff' in the house that's more than 1mth old is important and needs to be allocated amongst the family.

She bought a book from WHSmiths that she's filled out with all the info on their bank accounts, insurance policies, solicitors' details etc. and she's told us where the book is. She still writes Christmas Cards, and we know where her list is, so we know who in her social circle to contact.

Mum and Dad have both sorted out their funeral arrangements and POA and we know exactly what they do and don't want. It's been a big relief for mum knowing everything is sorted out, I think Dad's just pleased someone else did all the hard work!

My FIL is dying, and we don't know if he's got a will, what he wants in terms of a funeral or whether he wants to die at home or not. It's really hard as we can't talk to MIL (she's in denial about the diagnosis) and FIL shuts down every attempt to ask.

I need to do all the above .. not just in case of death, but in case of being unable to manage my own affairs.

EPOA
Will
Make sure all pensions pay out to the right person (remarried)
List of all accounts/pensions/credit cards etc

Himself needs to do the same though no doubt he'll over complicate it and have it encoded/sealed by 25 passwords and hidden in middle earth.

My DF did all the finances in my parent's household. We always assumed DM would go first as she had poor health for a large part of her life. DF died suddenly of a cardiac arrest and whilst we'd always assumed paperwork would be in order (DF worked in finance before retirement), in reality, all the paperwork was there - just not in one place or in any particular order. We found stuff on his desk, down the side of the sideboard in the dining room, in the wardrobe............
He also did online banking, so there were no printed bank statements . We had no idea what DMs income would be - we knew she'd get part of his pension but didn't know how much his pension was. It took a while to sort through and figure out and were under pressure to get the paperwork together ASAP as professional executors were appointed, and they visited 4 days after DF died to collect all the paperwork!
We also discovered that DM didn't really know if DF wanted to be buried or cremated. She thought he maybe didn't want to be buried as when she'd tried to discuss 'buying a plot ', he hadn't wanted to discuss it. Fortunately in rooting through all the papers we found one of those booklets like the one Age UK produce in which he had put down where he wanted to be buried - lucky we found that before a cremation was arranged!
DM was not computer literate, but the saving grace was she did know the password, so we were able to access their address book!

After that was all over I vowed to get our affairs better organised so our DS didn't have the same issues. I have a list of assets and liabilities stored with our copy wills, which DS knows the whereabouts of. I regularly update it as money is moved around. When I showed it to DH, I couldn't believe he said "what's that for?!" You can tell who's always done the finances in this house! I'm slowly letting him do some things but despair whenever he tries to sort HMRC stuff out!

If the person who has passed away does not have the money to pay for a funeral there is help from the government
We did it for a family member who died

My father also compiled a list of names and addresses of his friends and asociates who he'd like us to inform when he died.

This was very useful as there were names of people we'd never heard of!

Thank goodness, well before she developed dementia my DM put all such info in an old briefcase, and told us where it was.

Dh and I still haven’t done it - so every time we go away together I think of the headaches for dds if e.g. the plane crashed….

One thing I have done, though, is to make a list of anything valuable, so they will know what not to leave for a house clearance outfit - I’ve told them very firmly to do that when the time comes, since clearing relatives’ houses (I’ve done it) is both physically and emotionally exhausting.

We did put Ps of A in place during the first lockdown, though, and wills are up to date.

Having dealt with the post-mortem administrative sh*tshow of four parents and another close relative, we have put all of our affairs in order and purchased a fire safe in which to store it, in order that our dc don’t have to go through the same with us!

After my DM died my DH put a file together of all her information to make it easier for me and my dsis to sort everything out. It was lovingly referred to as the death file and now we all have our own death files on the back of it.

Absolutely!

And to anyone on this thread who has parents/elderly relatives - Please check what they are paying for things such as TV, Broadband.

My elderly relatives had been paying £240 a month for a SKY package they didn’t use for 5 years.

They had also doubled up on a lottery DD for nearly 3.

My DH is terminally ill and has been putting his affairs in order financially. He keeps promising to make a list of important contacts and passwords but hasn't done so yet. What irritates me the most is he's always been a compulsive shopper, buying tons of clothes and stuff for his hobbies and interests, but not so good at getting rid of things. Our house is so cluttered. Even now he's reluctant to get rid of stuff which means this mammoth task (and believe me it's huge) will be left to me to do. It will take many months 😡

I am going to compile a "what you need to know" box for my DDs, which will contain my will and all other relevant information they'll need to complete admin after my death. When I clear out DH's stuff I'll also reduce my own (which isn't vast anyway) so they aren't faced with the same challenges.

I'm doing a "when I die" folder atm. I'm fairly young, but one of my parents died suddenly when I was quite young and a lot of the decision making fell to me. I don't want to leave anyone else with having to make decisions when they are grieving.

Currently trying to choose what outfit I'd like to be cremated in - thinking of putting "my nicest pyjamas and slippers" - want to be cosy when I go!

I had to choose an outfit for my patent, and would have preferred clear instructions.

My parents did this for me years ago. It definitely helped. They gave me a copy of their wills and a printed sheet titled "where the money is" and included lists of shares, policies, banks, bonds, pensions etc.
(I'm am only child so no potential arguments over wills etc)
The issue these days is trying to speak to anyone on the bloody phone. It's all well and good having lists but trying to find a phone number with a human on the end for certain places is a nightmare.

Your friend who thinks it is morbid is pathetic, as is anyone who thinks like that.
We will alll die sooner or later. All of us.
And sorry, but announcing you've undertaken a life admin task, which clearly many others have done, doesn't belong in aibu

After my father in law died I started doing the same. I did eventually find his passwords hidden in amongst addresses in his phone book but for a few weeks it was a nightmare trying to sort everything out.

I got a book on Amazon called “when I die” or something like that. I’m also appointee for my eldest son who is disabled and I’ve explained to my daughter exactly how his money works as it’s paid to me then I transfer it and pay his care bills etc! I have policies my husband probably wouldn’t even think about so I just want to make everything easier for my family.

I'm in the process of this, and Swedish Death Cleaning. I'm hopefully a long way off death yet but wanted to sort things early whilst still relatively sound in body and mind.
I'm horrified at the thought of my dc's finding my excruciatingly embarrassing teenage diaries, but not any important stuff.
I think people put this stuff off too late and often then aren't capable of doing it.

There is also a similar think as the Tell Us Once for governmental stuff available for financial institutions though it's not as well known, my daughter's a manager in a bank and didn't know about it!
After my OH died I did what 's mentioned, I listed account details and so on.

DM and I speak quite openly about what we want after our deaths. DM wants pure cremation like we did for DF. Ideally I want placing on a raft, setting on fire and floating out to sea. Obvs that’s probably not going to happen so I’ll settle for pure cremation!
DH just won’t discuss it, like you’re tempting fate or something and you’ll drop dead tomorrow if you communicate your wishes!

One thing that my grandad did was put a red X next to certain names in his address book, with the instruction that when he died, inform those key people and they will ensure anyone wider connected to them is informed. That was very welcomed when the time came!

For another relative who didn't have ££££ in the bank, a fully paid up funeral plan was a huge relief. We had several deaths in a short space of time which ate up our savings (4 funerals in 3 months, 3 of which we had to pay for ourselves at almost £5k each with minimal extras)

Yes I've been thinking about this too. I keep meaning to do it. But really do need to. For both dh and I. As he really is clueless.

Funeral wise, we are Muslim so we often have a simple burial anyway. So that's not something to worry about.

But documents etc. Banks definitely need to sort that all out!

I am trying to do this. I have a specific email address that I only use for official things like insurance/bank etc etc. My adult DC have the password so that they can access those details if I fall under a bus. They also have both POAs and my will is simple and a copy is on that email. Trying to declutter my house.

I created an excel workbook with all my information about 4 years ago and I update it every 3 months. Will save mybdvs hours of work in locating everything.

DH died recently and, although he had listed most things, he hadn’t kept everything up to date. I didn’t know who his car insurance was with for example, as documents were all online and it wasn’t paid by DD.
I have started listing all my stuff, accounts insurance, mortgage accounts etc so that when I go DC have an easier time.

I have given a document setting out funeral wishes, music etc to one of my DC and a copy of it is with my will, which is in a labelled folder with all my other paperwork.

My house is very pared down, nothing in loft or garage, and hardly anything in the shed (!). I look after the finances of a disabled family member, so all information about him, his benefits and all the various things I do to look after his affairs are written down. My own paperwork is in order.

It's been like this for years (used to work in probate).

Sorry. I posted too soon

Very useful document to record all necessary information to make it easier on your loved ones. My parents have just filled this in after witnessing a friends difficulties after his mother's death.