DH’s (in)ability to look after newborn

My daughter who has a 15 month old used an app as did most of her friends.

Just asked my daughter who has a 2 year old and she was most surprised there even was such an app never mind using one. So obviously not that commonplace

I’m mainly here for the baked potato toppings 😂. Will try that one OP, love a JP! But this thread just reminded me that in the early days with DD my DP kept trying to stop me doing things like unloading the dishwasher/ putting out the laundry as DD might need feeding. I remember one time almost shouting ‘just let me please empty the dishwasher!’ So funny to think that emptying the dishwasher seemed like a break! But it really was.

If it’s fucking huckleberry Yabu to expect him to check it.

we used it with
out first and it caused more arguments than anything.

in terms of everything else…
”darling you take the baby maybe a change will help her settle I’ll do the laundry”
”DH I need the bathroom and a snack, can you change the baby?”
“I need to unload the dishwasher can you bathe the baby”
“I’d like to spend some time with the older two here the baby she needs a new outfit”

How was an app invaluable in raising a baby?

How what?

How? Could it change a nappy? Feed a baby? Make a coffee?

Step away from the app! And sit down and have a conversation about how you feel. Oh, and when you want to pop out for a bit of time by yourself, just tell him.
”I’m nipping to the shop, I’ll be back in an hour”

I have 3 DC, all EBF, all said EBFs recorded on an app… I also found the transition from 2-3 harder than 1-2 - DD3 was just a more demanding baby than DD2 and it’s already a lot looking after young children when you throw a baby in the mix. I know it’s extra labour/load but I found I really needed to clearly communicate my needs to DH - we were both pretty overwhelmed and had different ideas about what we should be doing. Once we got into a routine it was fine and I absolutely love having 3 DDs (now 7/5/2) but the first couple of months were a wild ride and I’m happy not to do it again!

I don’t get all the hate towards the app.. me and my husband had one when ours was newborn and it was an absolute godsend!!

I use an app, all my NCT group use an app ( our babies are 10 - 16 weeks). Ignore all the digs about it, it was invaluable when DS was ill.

However, one PP is right that it is a method of recording info to spot trends/manage time, it it NOT the main way for you and your DH to communicate about your baby's needs and your needs for respite/support.

Glad you've had a good convo with him this evening. Keep telling him when you need to tap out/swap jobs. I say this as someone who has been shit at claiming time for herself.

Baby is EBF!! Why do people suggest formula? FFS How is that really going to help? So now Mum will have even MORE to do, washing and sterilising bottles, having to express her milk to cover the missed breastfeed, so her supply doesn't dip. Why can people not just respect an EBF relationship between mum and baby?? Honestly, such an unhelpful comment to an EBF mum.

"He’s said he hasn’t bonded with her very much so maybe that’s why?"

He's probably avoiding her, then.

I personally cannot get my head around an app for communication! Speak to each other 🤦‍♀️I had three 25 years ago and it was ok because we spoke to each other.Husband did piss off skiing two months after having number three but all ok because I then took myself off to Tenerife for a holiday a couple of months later .
Just verbally communicate and stop using Apps .

I have an app too, you aren't the only one. I've had twins this time and feel like it is even more useful but even when I had just DS as a teeny baby, I found it incredibly helpful too.

I had one 11 years ago and one 5 months ago. I don't use an app and I'm pretty sure I didn't even have a phone with my first 😂. Maybe try and take every day as it comes a bit more live in the moment. What doesn't get done today will get done tomorrow. Some days I'm defeated by 11 am and I don't even have 3 tiny ones. You should probably spend more time communicating in person and less over an app. If I were your partner this constant app checking bullshit would drive me insane.

My daughter has a four month old, and she doesn't use any kind of app. Honestly, it's just so bizarre and unnecessary. Tracking nappy changes? What on earth for, unless there was a specific medical need? The nappy is dirty/squishy, you just change it. I think tracking every single little thing might be causing you more additional stress than you realise.

Anyway, if you need more help from your husband, you need to tell him in the moment. Hand over the baby and say "Tag, you're it."

Ask him!!! When he was doing the laundry you should’ve asked him to help because you were struggling. I have a 16 week old and if it gets too much for me I ask my husband to help.

Jesus, I wanted to call DS Huckleberry! That was a lucky escape.

(DH, the most easygoing man in Christendom, put his foot DOWN.)

After three babies? Suddenly now it's putting him off?

Three is hard in the newborn phase, you do feel frazzled and struggle to find time to do anything without a baby hanging off you or a small child following you around. It gets easier honestly, I am not surprised you have reached this point with the others have been home unwell too.

You need to say to DH, please take the baby I need a break. He is clearly doing what he thinks is helpful, but also what is easier for him and that is not what you need right now. In a ideal world he would figure it out, but clearly that isn't happening so don't stew on it, it will just sap your limited energy, voice it.

With the bottle issue (I EBF'ed all mine) the only teat that worked well for mine when they bottle refused was a Nuk latex teat which might be worth a try as it is softer, more malleable and feels more skin like.

Sorting laundry in peace feels luxurious at this point

Yanbu for this at all.

I've now agreed this with dh, that doing any "chores" without kids present is a treat, not a chore.

In our house, if you do a chore with the baby in the carrier, or letting the older child "help", then that is praiseworthy and you get thanked.

If you (say) do the laundry or cooking on your own, with headphones in for example, that counts as your downtime.

It really works for us. I was building resentment in the early weeks when dh would escape the kids to do elaborate cooking. Now he gets the 3yo in with him to "help" or supervises the baby in the bouncer at the same time.

Then he could do a 'how much time at work' DW V DH

It's not a competition, it's just communication!

'take her before I explode' should do the job!!