Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Booked holiday with DC - ex claiming abduction - AIBU.

181 replies

SimplyMother · 29/04/2024 16:45

Hello all, a co-parent disagreement has arisen with me and ex. I’m worried as my partner is saying my actions may be seen as international abduction.

I told my ex that I’d like to take our child to a North American country for Christmas. I am born there but have been here since youth. It has been mentioned over the few years, and I reminded him if he’d be okay with it in Dec 23, for the next Christmas. As he was okay with it, I had booked the trip in January, and told him recently as it has now been paid off. The holiday is for 3 weeks.

He texted back, “shocked,” and claimed that he never knew that it would be for this year. I said he knew and he said he didn’t remember, and it was never seriously told to him in writing. He expressed discontent with the length, as it would take our then 4 year old out of school for 2 weeks - he claimed that he would’ve given the winter holiday if I asked but I don’t believe it. He also claimed that 3 weeks is too long for an announced country that is my “home country, that isn’t classed as very safe.” He’s saying that as it was booked behind his back, what I’m doing can be classed as international abduction.

He hasn’t threatened me, but says that he is not in agreement. And he says if I go, if there are repercussions with the school, I should deal with it alone. He says that when he asked last month to discuss Christmas 2024, I should’ve brought it up then - I didn’t as it wasn’t paid off yet.

Am I wrong - is it abduction? I plan to return, my life is here.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 29/04/2024 16:57

You didn’t mention it because you didn’t want to be challenged. Very underhand. I would be very unhappy if you did this to me and I would have great difficulty trusting you in the future.

AnneNotEmily · 29/04/2024 16:55

3 weeks is a long time, especially over the Christmas holidays. Had you discussed how long you were planning on taking him for and that he would be missing school. If not I can see why he is cross although I don’t know if it would count as abduction.

Sirzy · 29/04/2024 16:55

I think it’s odd you discussed Christmas without saying anything to him. I also think now you have a school age child neither of you should be taking term time holidays without the others consent.

MississippiAF · 29/04/2024 16:52

Why wait until it was fully paid to tell him? Makes it seem underhand tbh.

I think taking a child abroad for three weeks over Christmas, so the other parent completely missed the festive holidays period completely, requires explicit agreement.

SimplyMother · 29/04/2024 16:52

DillyDilly · 29/04/2024 16:48

Even if the holiday wasn’t paid off when he wanted to talk about Christmas 2024 a few weeks ago, you still had it booked so seems strange not to have mentioned it then.

It was because we were talking about custody as a whole. We had planned custody for the year, and then he asked to discuss Dec 2024 (Christmas), a later in the year in, November 2024.

As we weren’t discussing it there and then, and the holiday wasn’t paid off, I thought it’d be best not to.

@MississippiAF He will still have some days to celebrate New Year’s.

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 29/04/2024 16:48

Even if the holiday wasn’t paid off when he wanted to talk about Christmas 2024 a few weeks ago, you still had it booked so seems strange not to have mentioned it then.