Booked holiday with DC - ex claiming abduction - AIBU.

It's not very clear whether he agreed to this or. Or. Was it discussed on email or text message, did you say 'I'm booking this holiday for these dates' and he agreed?

Or was it all a bit wishy washy half hearted in passing conversation?

Does she have a good relationship with the grandparents shel be in her own with for 2 weeks now his trip?

Is her Dad named on the birth certificate? Does he have parental responsibility?

If you are in England then there will be no fine for missing two weeks of school in reception class. They only start fines for missing school in year 1 onwards. And 100% certainty she will not lose her place in the school for missing two weeks.

And if he going to refuse you permission to take your child on holiday for three weeks, then surely you can turn round and say the same about his planned three week holiday?! He’s an idiot.

The only way of getting around this is to apply to the court by way of a C100 (you'll have to attempt mediation first, and obtain a MIAM from the mediator if the other side doesn't engage - which they may not in order to prolong the process), and ask for a Specific Issue Order to take the child abroad for that length of time. Whilst the child doesn't legally have to be in formal education until the term after they turn 5, the courts don't often allow holidays during term time, so a bit of information regarding "they will learn about X country by exploring Y museum in Z place" as well as highlighting the fact they will spend time getting to know their wider family is imperative.

The courts are currently inundated so I would get this started ASAP. Cost of C100 is currently £232, if you receive benefits or are on a low income you can get help with fees (form EX160).

Off topic slightly - but in my experience they only seem to check documents on the way into to the UK which seems absurd.

You both need each others permission to travel and as your child is 4 you have many years where good will on both sides will be helpful so it is better to cooperate and be open with each other.

regards to missing school - at 4 it’s not really a problem.

I think your best way forward is to apologise for the confusion (whoever is responsible), say you will be responsible for any repercussions from school (there shouldn't be any as she's 4) and then sort any legalities needed giving each other permission for these two 3 week holidays. You know you were sneaky this time but try to clear the air so you can enjoy your holiday (and be prepared for your DD spending all of Christmas 2025 with her father).

I am a bit surprised at suggestions that New Year celebrations equate in any way to Christmas for a 4 year old.

I think it's underhand to not tell him in advance and it would break my heart to not see my 4 year old for 3 weeks over Christmas.

I agree 3 weeks is too long, & are his concerns about your home country being unsafe genuine? You should of discussed it before you paid it off…

If you’re separated I think you’re going to need a permission to fly from him regardless of names on the birth certificate.

Leaving on the 23rd would have actually been better as the child could have joined in Reception Christmas activities, then done Christmas with Dad the weekend of solstice.

They said they'd discussed it in December 23, meaning 2023. Then that the father would have a few days for New Year, suggesting that it would be the last two weeks of term that would be missed.

I read it as initial conversation was in December 2023, not that that was departure date. How else would dc miss two weeks of school?

I don't think it's fair for such a young child to be away from either parent that long around Xmas.

@Kalevala they're going on the 23rd for three weeks!

So away for a lot longer than NY!

I have been stopped in the past and DC questioned btw.

100%

My DC is 16. I am getting divorced in a European country. I have been forbidden from going to the UK on holiday until I am divorced and everything is in writing as it would or could be abduction.

Leaving aside the arguments of whether it’s fair and who said what…

Have you got a child arrangements order? If you do, and it says the child lives with you, then you have the legal right to do this, assuming you’re not breaking any other court orders (eg court ordered weekly contact). It is not abduction if you return.

If you don’t have the order, then you need his permission to take her abroad, as he needs yours.

You need to sort this out legally, especially if he’s likely to kick up a fuss (eg call the airline).

Very sneaky of you, especially as he asked to discuss Christmas 2024 arrangements with you in January and you wouldn't. If I were him, I would be suspicious of your motives for this trip.

Even if what you say is true- that you're intending to return to the UK- it's really mean to take your daughter away from her Dad for such a long holiday over Christmas. You could have taken her to meet your family at any time- it didn't have to be over Christmas.

However- it does mean that you've set a precedent, so he can equally book a long holiday over Christmas with his daughter in future years.

I think it’s more selfish of him to deny his child a chance to meet their family, because a holiday wasn’t done the way he wanted it to be done
No it really isn't. That's your thought process to try to justify the selfish choice YOU have made.

That's exactly how conflict between parents explodes. In the end, you're left with kids who wouldn't trade any trips to America to have parents who get along and respect each other.

You need permission from those with parental responsibility to take a child abroad and it could be classed as abduction if you don't have consent.

Will they miss their Reception nativity? If I was the other parent I think I'd be more upset by that, the whole class will be practising in the lead up. Christmas, not so much a big deal as it's a 12 day period and a get together and presents can be done on their return.

Do you have his initial (or any...) agreement in writing?

If they are back for New Year then it sounds like only half of the Christmas period.

I do think it was a little sneaky to not mention the holiday until it was paid for.
Either way, you will now need to apply to the court to take DD away, because he could well prevent you from leaving.

It seems like your ex is irritated because you weren't upfront about the specific dates holiday. It sounds like he is being a little dramatic with his language though as he has said that you will need to deal with any consequences with the school (of which there are none). To me, it sounds as though he isn't going to be reporting an abduction. He knows that you could make his life difficult for his 3 week holiday. I would get written consent prior to his holiday, while you have leverage.

Of course you should've mentioned being away over Christmas when he said to discuss in November!

And YABU with the "I forgot" to mention he's been away with DC for three weeks.