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AIBU?

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Drunk friends

86 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 14:55

Cannot quite believe the situation I ended up in at the weekend and would really appreciate any objective input please!

Good friend organised to go for bottomless brunch and drinks after with a group of ladies. 7 of us mostly in our late 30s. We arrived around 2pm, my friend (let's call her Kate) and one of her friends (let's call her Claire) got quickly drunk but Kate sorted herself out by stopping drinking and having lots of water. Claire went very much the other way.

The original plan was to get the bus home around 9pm and most went by then. Kate and Claire wanted to stay longer. Kate wanted to order some food which I thought was a good idea so I reluctantly agreed to get 10pm bus but said I must be on that as I had to be up next day and had plans with my young children.

Time came to leave and Claire wouldn't go, still drinking and dancing. Claire doesn't speak much English and Kate has same native language as Claire so Kate was trying to persuade her. We spent 20 minutes trying to get Claire to leave but she wouldn't so I eventually said well I will have to go on my own because I can't miss this bus. Kate said wait she would drag Claire out. I stood outside another 5 mins but they didn't come, popped my head back in and Claire was sat drinking. So I left but text Kate saying if they rush they can still make it.

Now Kate is saying I am a terrible friend for leaving drunk friends alone. I feel awful but also feel like it's me who should be annoyed that I stayed later than I wanted to but still ended up walking alone then waiting on my own for the bus. All the way to the bus I was calling and texting them both so I feel I did all I could.

There was a later bus we could have got but I was already an hour later than I wanted to be and felt it would have been the same problem if I had waited another 30 minutes, possibly worse as Claire was still drinking.

Was I in the wrong?

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 29/04/2024 15:41

If anything, they abandoned you.

Chatonette · 29/04/2024 15:39

Kate and Claire aren’t 17. You set boundaries, gave them several warnings, and continued to call/text.

Crumpleton · 29/04/2024 15:36

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 15:08

Just to be clear, I didn't tell them they had to leave, Kate agreed to leave at 10pm so I stayed with them. Kate wanted to leave then but Claire wouldn't come. I am now being told I am a bad friend for leaving them there knowing they were drunk. I was a bit annoyed about all the stress at the end of the night, but wouldn't have said anything about it. It is Kate who has told me I shouldn't have left them.

I'd message back and say
"Not only did you totally ruin my evening with the lack of ability to control your alcohol intake, you have the cheek to moan because I got fed up with your selfish behaviour and left.
I was their to meet friends not to be your personal chaperone"

IhateSPSS · 29/04/2024 15:33

I'd text Kate back saying that you clearly communicated that you were leaving on the 10pm bus in order to be able to be there for your DC waking up in the morning, that was your priority. Kate was going along with Claire's timeline, which is her choice, you were going along with your own and you don't appreciate the guilt trip.

madameparis · 29/04/2024 15:28

Kate and Claire are adults and responsible for themselves. You are not their sober babysitter.

I would tell them that you wanted to leave, you gave them the option to leave with you for the 9pm and 10pm bus but they turned this option down. You cannot have been expected to drag them onto a bus, or stayed out for hours and hours to babysit drunk people. Their wants/needs do not trump yours.

AmIclutchingpearls · 29/04/2024 15:08

Just to be clear, I didn't tell them they had to leave, Kate agreed to leave at 10pm so I stayed with them. Kate wanted to leave then but Claire wouldn't come. I am now being told I am a bad friend for leaving them there knowing they were drunk. I was a bit annoyed about all the stress at the end of the night, but wouldn't have said anything about it. It is Kate who has told me I shouldn't have left them.

OP posts:
theonlygirl · 29/04/2024 15:06

Of course you didn't do anything wrong. Kate is a CFer. They're not kids, they can get themselves home.

BiIIIie · 29/04/2024 15:01

To be fair to them I wouldn't go out for a bottomless drink with strict plans on what bus I had to be on, things can change when people are having a good time. But if you needed to leave that's fine, they shouldn't blame you for that. If they agreed to leave they should have gone. If they didn't agree it will have put a dampener on their night having to leave early.

Peonies12 · 29/04/2024 15:01

You left them together? They're adults, don't give it another thought.

CustardySergeant · 29/04/2024 15:00

You did nothing wrong whatsoever.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 29/04/2024 14:59

No. Kate and Claire are adults, they wanted to stay and drink.

You made it clear 10pm was your cut off, what did Kate expect you to do? Drag them out screaming from the pub/club.

You have responsibilities, it doesn’t sound like they do.

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