Inheritance

I haven’t say I understand your upset - the whole way everything has been handled is just weird. Who talks to a young child about inheritance? In my experience only very controlling people. I’m in my 40’s and have no idea what my parents wills are, nor my grandparents who are still living.

However the money from your gran - it was her choice who she left it to, and she didn’t leave it to you, so it’s not Gran’s money buying the house, it’s your dads money. No matter how fair or unfair that may seem.

If your dad leaves everything to his wife however you’re right - she could change it and leave you with nothing. I’d talk to him and see if he could change that, to leave you your 1/5th direct, even if he puts it in trust with disclaimer that if wife needs it for care she can use it.

It sounds entirely fair. I'm sorry it's hurt your feelings but it is right.

What your grandma would or wouldn't have wanted is not relevant. She did what she wanted with her money which was leave it to your dad, and that's his money now to do whatever he wants with.

You really shouldn't be getting involved in this. You're not owed a single penny and this kind of behaviour is really ugly.

OP, reading between the lines it seems like you carry a lot of hurt over the fact that it appears that your father's "second family" has taken priority over you for years now. Or at least that's your perception. And it is a fairly common scenario with remarriage (and understandably painful).

But this focus on your (anticipated) inheritance isn't going to get you anywhere. You've asked your father, he's given you an answer and I'm afraid doggedly pursuing this will likely end up damaging the relationship you have with him. Is it "fair"? I don't really know. But pursuing this will make you seem very money-focused and motivated by greed.

I have an adult son and my husband and I have discussed the contents of our will(s) with him. There will be no surprises, but none of it is open for negotiation and I would be hurt if he endlessly wanted to discuss how he might benefit financially from my death.

The only reason I have now asked him to clarify is because my Aunt has come to me and told me that it isn't how I have been told and she wanted to make sure I'm not left out of the house my Dad bought with my Grandma's money.

Sounds like auntie is a stirrer and is trying to cause upset.You have no control over what your father puts in his will. He can write a new will at any time. I understand why you are upset, but having this conversation may not achieve the outcome you are hoping for.

Be careful of what you wish for here.

If your dad splits his assets between the three of you, and your stepmum splits between her biological children, you get 16.6% and siblings get 41.6% each.

So 1/5th is more.

In England anyone is free to leave whatever they wish to whoever/whatever they wish in their Will. There is no law of inheritance regarding rights for family or relatives. One can leave everything to charity or the cat next door. You can however contest your right to inheritance/inheriting more through the courts after person who made will dies but it is very expensive and somewhat unpredictable.

You cannot contest if he leaves it to her without reservations she can do whatever she wants

You said you’ve been lied to for years? Can I ask why you’re even discussing the will? Why do you need to know before anyone is dead… have you brought this up a lot? Why have you been ruminating over this? I have never asked my father about his will. I find that a bit strange.

Not a lawyer either but we looked into contesting when the issue came up in my family and there wasn't a chance and my family member did ask a lawyer for advice and was told little chance of winning and not worth the cost

The fact she earns off a house that was from your grandma and no relation to her is what makes this all wrong.

Leaving my money directly to my kids to avoid any potential of a new partner of DP being able to cut them out after other family experiencing similar issue. Inheritance could be decades in the future for you (I am nearly 50 and don't expect to inherit anytime soon) so is it coming up for you with being a parent yourself and feeling sad about the other issues in your relationship with your dad? Even if you see the will he could change it again.

I'm not a lawyer, but no you wouldn't be able to challenge it. Anyone can disinherit their children, never mind their step children. It's a very common scenario.

Your dad would need to leave your share to you on his death.

This. You need to tell him how you feel. And ensure he has something in place which leaves you money, his wife could change it all otherwise if he dies first.l and leave you nothing.

It's my Dad's money.

They're married, it's their money.

I understand you feeling upset about being lied to.

Ultimately, one is likely to predecease the other and update the will, so I would prepare yourself for that possibility.

Personally, I’ve heard of too many scenarios where this has happened so DH and I have left our share of our home to our children, not each other. Currently, they are primary aged! All other assets, life insurance, pension etc goes to DH/me.

This sort of situation is very tricky.

If your dad dies first, unless his will is written in quite a specific way (eg to leave a life interest in the house to your step mum) then the assets become your step mum's and she can do what she wants with them.

This can and has led to children of the first marriage (like you) getting nothing and the children of the second marriage inheriting everything.

There are ways around this - your dad could leave some money or some assets specifically for you but it doesn't sound like he wants to,

Being an executor of the will won't make any difference.

There is no inheritance.
No one has died.
No one is entitled to see any will before the testator dies.
Absolutely anything could happen between now and when your dad dies.
If he leaves it to your stepmum she can do exactly what she likes with it because it then becomes hers. Likewise if she dies first and she leaves it to him.

You need to leave it. None of this is your decision.

The division is fair. Your step mum doesn’t want to leave you any money bc you have a mum.
step mum and dad each has as be 50:50.
step mum will leave to her own two children
your dad will leave to his three children
a will can be written to ensure no changes after the first person dies, but generally there is nothing stopping the survivor changing the will.
yabu abit and do indeed sound money oriented, despite saying you’d give to charity, which I doubt. You do not come across in a good light I’m afraid. The division is fair.

This is exactly what my friend did. When her second husband died, he shared a small insurance policy with his two children from his first wife ( deceased) then left everything else to my friend - this included a large lump sum from his employer, a very generous pension and the mortgage paid off.

When my friend married him, they were both in their mid forties and he contributed most of the funds to buy their house together. Their will said that when my friend died, her estate would be split equally between his two children and her son ( by her first husband).

However, within a couple of years my friend changed her will leaving everything to her only son and stopped all contact with the other children, for no reason that I was aware of. She also told the boys that they were no longer going to inherit anything after she died - despite most of the money for the house coming from the insurance after their mum died.

I find it hard to understand why she did this, all three boys were adults by this time, no longer living at home and finished their education but her son was ( and still is) rather flakey, in and out of work, gets into debt which his mum pays off and had some issues with alcohol and drugs. But in her eyes he can do no wrong so now he will inherit a very large amount, probably in excess of £1.5m.

Even though I am divorced, I have made sure that my will is very clear on my wishes and have shared it with my children so there will be no surprises! I gave one child £20k to help him out a few years ago so wanted to make sure that was reflected in my will.

I would take care with this. Strictly to be fair you should get 1/6 (ie. one third of Dad's half). If you pursue this you risk pissing everyone off and them taking you out completely.

Being an executor makes no difference to the content of the will. In fact, it's a faff.
Take a look at the other inheritance posts, particularly in step-familes; the anger, angst and hatred this situation creates invariably delivers is mind-blowing.