Inheritance

I agree, I think there are various ways of making things fair and it isn't always that everyone gets an identical share.

I've been married twice, 2 children from each marriage. We started from a position of my 4 would all get an equal share of my half and the two we share would get half of his share. of 1/8 each for my older two, 3/8 each for the younger two but when we looked at the figures that didn't seem fair, 1/4 each didn't seem fair as the older two had their own father. In the end we have gone of 1/3 each for the younger two and the older two sharing the other third which we feel recognises my husbands relationship with the older two as their stepfather. As my older two have already inherited from their father we can see this should end up with all four getting roughly the same amount when you look at all 3 parents.

I think there are various ways to look at fairness but in the OPs case I think the issue is if the stepmother outlives the father will she leave everything to her own children? I think there are ways to avoid this and legal advice would be needed.

The issue I think is not the division, which seems reasonable to me, but the question of whether or not it is guaranteed.

If the OP's father's will leaves everything he owns to his wife and they have an agreement that she will then divide her money in a particular way, it is worth nothing. The OP's stepmother could change her will and leave everything to her own children, writing the OP out. That would be unfair, and morally wrong, but there would be nothing to stop her.

The rental property is solely legally owned by the OP's stepmother, so it is her will that is the issue. Whether she leaves a share to the OP is entirely up to her.

As far as I am aware (and I'm not a lawyer), the only way to guarantee the OP will get a share of her father's property is for him to leave her a share in his will and give his wife a life interest in it. He does need to rely on his wife's goodwill.

This is what we have done. We have severed our joint tenancy and become tenants in common. If I die first, my half of the house goes to our two children, with my husband having the right to live in it until he dies. If he dies first, his half of the house is left to his three children, with me able to live in it until I die.

Similarly, any savings in my husband's sole name will be split between his 3 children. Savings in my name will be split between my 2 children.

Essentially my stepson gets 1/6 of the total value (one third of his father's half). He will inherit less than my children, but I don't see that as unfair. I suppose I might feel differently if my stepson had been in my life as a young child and we had been close, but that is not the case. My husband is treating his three children fairly. I will not be leaving anything to his ex wife's child. And obviously his mother will not be leaving anything to my children either.

For what it's worth I agree with the OP that openness is helpful and we have discussed our wills with all three children (all of whom are adults).

My brother and I were left nothing by our father, and his grandchildren didn't get a penny either. It all went to his second wife, their son and 2 grandchildren. I think it was so mean not to leave even a few pounds to the grandchildren, they were totally ignored.

I didn't bring my own experiences into my reply. Good luck

There’s no right to inherit in the U.S. Parents are free to disinherit their independent adult children, but yes, it’s advisable that they state their intention in their will.

Has the OP clarified what estate she will be "expecting" when her mum dies?

I believe that you can do that in England.

In Scotland, it is possible to challenge a will, in order to ask for more, but you'd have to prove that the deceased wrote his will either under duress or while he was of unsound mind.

@WearyAuldWumman Thank you for taking the time to explain that.

I'm in the US and although inheritance laws vary slightly from state to state, you can disinherit your child/children (except under very rare circumstances). You must have a legal will and you must actually spell this out - "To my son, John Doe, I leave the sum of 0 dollars" etc.

Yes, that is correct - but only the moveable estate: money, jewellery, cars, etc. That's been the law since the 1960s. Whether the children are 'natural', adopted or 'illegitimate' makes no difference.

If a child has died, then their heirs can claim. Moreover, they have twenty years in which to make the claim.

When my husband died, his children and grandchild actually got over half of the moveable estate. I was executor and the main beneficiary. The solicitor kept emphasising that I was giving them more than I had to. (The will was written before the grandchild was born, but DH told me what he'd like me to give her. I gave her extra.)

If the children have been left something in the will, they can choose whether to take that or their 'legal rights' - usually, whichever is the more.

Often, children decline their 'legal rights' in favour of their mother.

When my husband died, the solicitor wanted to send a form letter asking whether they wanted to claim their legal rights.

I told him no - he was to write and tell them that the cheques enclosed (and the jewellery, etc) were their legal rights. I also asked him to write to the grandchild, telling her that she was being sent a cheque as per her grandfather's verbal instruction. (I actually gave her more, but she doesn't know that.)

Not of you are in England as you are not being maintained by her (and neither is your dad).

I think my husband's kids imagine that I 'stole' from them. The kids got a third of the moveable estate split between them. DH asked me to give an amount to the grandchild'. I actually gave her more. I also gave them all personal effects worth a thousand each, a monetary present to the adult child who married after my husband's death and money as a graduation present to the grandchild.

I was my husband's carer for nearly twenty years. The kids made it clear that they wouldn't help care for him. In the end, I had to quit work early, thus affecting my pension. His will reflected the fact that I'll have to pay for my own care. He didn't leave a huge amount - I was the major breadwinner for most of our marriage - and there was no question of an inheritance tax liability.

This is interesting! So is it impossible for a parent to disinherit his child in Scotland? Does 1/3 of the estate always go to the children?

(Just curiosity on my part; I don't live in Scotland)

Where does your father reside? In Scotland, his children would automatically get a third of the moveable estate split among them. (They could only get more, if more was stipulated in the will.)

My friends dad died first. He had no will and the stepmum got everything. When she died left everything to her bio kids. My friend and the other siblings got left out of the will. She asked for a deed of variation. It took 4 years for an agreement to be made. She now has no relationship with her siblings. They knew their mum cut her out. They knew it wasn't fair but greed was more important.

Then my dad got cancer and my mum got worried about having enough money

This is a very valid concern. Your mother may very well need care as she ages and the cost is astronomical. Surely you can see this from her point of view?

Your mother's needs as she ages take priority over your children's house deposit. After all the money belongs to her and to your late father; it was never yours.

So are you saying I am lying about him telling me on several occasions that he and my step mum have made a will and everything is split 3 ways?
Split three ways is not the same as split equally three ways.

This makes me so sad for your mum. Sounds like your parents did exactly the right thing to protect her financially rather than prioritise the grandkids having house deposits. Who knows how much money she could still need to burn through in care fees, medical expenses etc? Being old and alone isn't fun and she's doing it while knowing that her children resent her keeping the money she and her husband built up together over their lifetime.

@nameshame24 Thank you. I can see a lot of the emotional side is what's driving it, and I certainly understand. But yes, taking a step back for now and thinking about what is most important. Trying to rebuild trust with your dad, and get certain things off your chest? Definitely do it.
But I hope none of your parents or step mum is unwell enough for now to worry too much about inheritance. Focus on improving and nurturing your relationships in the present with your dad.

Hi OP

I just wanted to say that I know how you feel.

My parents nearly twenty years ago called a family meeting about their wills and told us that the wills were set up to leave half to me and half to my brother. They had already sorted the assets so that half was in each (individual) name.

we said, great, fine, thanks for letting us know.

Then my dad got cancer and my mum got worried about having enough money.

So she hassled dad and they both changed their wills to leave their assets to each other (mirror will).

I wouldn't have cared except that they'd gone to the trouble of telling us and I'd had plans to pass it down to my kids as house deposit.

So when my dad died my mum got it all. She doesn't even spend her income but is terribly anxious about not ever having enough money. She has in mostly cash assets a substantial fraction of a million pounds.

So my kids didn't get their house deposit.

And my mum still moans to me about being poor.

I give her short shrift to be honest.