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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask what you think when you see a white woman and a Muslim man?

316 replies

Weallknowfrogsgo · 29/04/2024 08:12

White non markedly Muslim or other wise woman and a Muslim man together, clearly in a relationship? What do you think?

as this is an anonymous forum, please do be honest.

after that thread about the woman marrying and arab, it strikes me that a lot of people have some quite strong opinions on this, and the convert to Islam threads on here also have been quite telling

disclaimer this is me, despite living in a very multicultural place, we do get looks here and there and boundless questions on our relationship that tbh aren’t very appropriate to ask a stranger whenever we meet new people. And if we go someplace less diverse the looks are more apparent.

OP posts:
Original poster
Weallknowfrogsgo · 29/04/2024 08:45

Crushed23 · 29/04/2024 08:44

It wouldn’t even register here (London).

Also, as PP said, how would I know the man is muslim / the woman isn’t.

The ethnic mix you’re describing could just as easily be a white Bosnian muslim woman and a Hindu man.

But a Muslim woman wouldn’t marry a non Muslim would she

OP posts:
Original poster
Weallknowfrogsgo · 29/04/2024 08:44

fungipie · 29/04/2024 08:40

I know many Muslims who are white, or who don't wear any traditional clothing. This post is just bizarre.

No it’s not look at the vitriol on all the Muslim adjacent posts on MN, clearly a lot of people have some very strong views.

OP posts:
Crushed23 · 29/04/2024 08:44

It wouldn’t even register here (London).

Also, as PP said, how would I know the man is muslim / the woman isn’t.

The ethnic mix you’re describing could just as easily be a white Bosnian muslim woman and a Hindu man.

DrJoanAllenby · 29/04/2024 08:42

Anyone can be a Muslim it's not subject to a race or skin colour.

What you are asking is if your see a white woman and an Asian man together are you bothered as your conception of Muslims is mostly likely to be a stereotype of Asian Muslims.

Babyroobs · 29/04/2024 08:42

I live in an area with a high muslim population and don't think I've ever come across this. I see quite a lot of hindu men with white women and the other way round.

fungipie · 29/04/2024 08:40

I know many Muslims who are white, or who don't wear any traditional clothing. This post is just bizarre.

beAsensible1 · 29/04/2024 08:40

meh. Probably wouldn’t notice. lots if white people are Muslim so I don’t generally know someone’s religious unless they’re wearing a thobe or hijab.

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/04/2024 08:40

Locutus2000 · 29/04/2024 08:15

Personally? I couldn't give a monkeys.

Me neither.

theduchessofspork · 29/04/2024 08:39

I wouldn’t think anything

CharlotteLightandDark · 29/04/2024 08:38

I’m white and my partner is of Pakistani heritage, he’s not a practicing Muslim but his parents are.

its never been a thing for either of us and his parents have zero say in anything that happens in our relationship. Interestingly his siblings also are with white partners.

appreciate it might not be typical for Muslim parents to have such little influence over their offspring’s choices/lives but that’s definitely the case here.

Noicant · 29/04/2024 08:38

I can tell the difference, but I’m asian (not Muslim), met an Irish man who identified my religious background once accurately with no clues.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 29/04/2024 08:36

I wouldn't give it a thought.

Ginmonkeyagain · 29/04/2024 08:35

Yes some Muslim men in the UK wear a skull cap and shalwaar kameez or robe but that is a pretty observant Muslim man from a certain cultural/national background.

Like Christians, Muslims come in all shapes and sizes. There are a lot of Muslims in the African disapora - so you may see a mixed white/African Caribbean couple and the man could be a Muslim but you may not know.

Original poster
Weallknowfrogsgo · 29/04/2024 08:34

mitogoshi · 29/04/2024 08:29

As far as I'm aware, Muslim men don't have horns or allah tattooed on their forehead! How would you know a man was Muslim as opposed to south Asian or Arab. Plenty of secular people around too. Marrying someone from abroad is a bigger risk than their nominal religion in my opinion and even then it's down to your choice. I have several good friends in multi cultural marriages in Leicester, it's common, both white/non white or both Asian but different religions. People jog along just fine and people really don't care

Maybe it’s just due to my marriage but I can tell for the most part the difference.

OP posts:
TheKookyPoster · 29/04/2024 08:33

Just from a friends experience….
Honestly I’d assume he was using her for some fun, will eventually break up with her and marry a Muslim woman his family approve of. Leaving white woman totally heartbroken. I’m sure I’ve read similar stories on mumsnet, so I think it’s fairly common.

Not that I’d really think about it much if at all if just some random strangers. But if it were a friend I’d share what happened to said friend above and advise to be cautious. Ask to be introduced to his family etc. If his family welcome you, I’d be less cautious.

Dearg · 29/04/2024 08:33

If I saw them on the street, I doubt I would notice.

If I met them in a social situation, I may, I think, be curious about how they reconciled their differing beliefs ( assuming their beliefs did differ).

But, I am equally curious about my local vicar whose wife is openly agnostic, and also curious about some of the posters on Mumsnet, who have partners who are very culturally opposed to one another.

But I wouldn’t think it was wrong, for what it’s worth.

Dancingontheedge · 29/04/2024 08:33

There are specific clothing choices, beards and headwear that would make me think a man might be Muslim. Of course, it’s up to the individual, but in many areas of the NW where I lived, it was fairly common to be able to identify a man as a Muslim. Even to whether he was Bengali or Pakistani or Pushtu.
That said, I’d have no opinion on a relationship as described in the OP, other than noting it in the same way as tall/short, same sex, matching outfits or any other combo.
It’d be the behaviour, the interactions and the usual stuff that makes anyone think That’s nice’ or ‘That’s worrying’

Notamum12345577 · 29/04/2024 08:32

mitogoshi · 29/04/2024 08:29

As far as I'm aware, Muslim men don't have horns or allah tattooed on their forehead! How would you know a man was Muslim as opposed to south Asian or Arab. Plenty of secular people around too. Marrying someone from abroad is a bigger risk than their nominal religion in my opinion and even then it's down to your choice. I have several good friends in multi cultural marriages in Leicester, it's common, both white/non white or both Asian but different religions. People jog along just fine and people really don't care

Add to the fact that millions of South Asian people are Christian, and a lot more than that are Hindu, and Sikh….

user1498572889 · 29/04/2024 08:31

I wouldnt think anything. I probably wouldnt notice.

ringoffiire · 29/04/2024 08:31

a) How would I know he's muslim?
b) If I did somehow know, I wouldn't think anything.

Original poster
Weallknowfrogsgo · 29/04/2024 08:31

How would you know?

genuinely surprised people are asking, if they are wearing traditional dress, long beard, prayer cap, someone who’s marked muslim by their appearance, answers so far are genuinely surprising me given the PP about a woman going to an Arab country to get married

OP posts:
Ginmonkeyagain · 29/04/2024 08:30

Muslim isn't a race - there are plenty of white muslims (eg there are white Muslims in Europe - Bosnia, Northern Cyprus, parts of former USSR). There are also white converts to Islam.

mitogoshi · 29/04/2024 08:29

As far as I'm aware, Muslim men don't have horns or allah tattooed on their forehead! How would you know a man was Muslim as opposed to south Asian or Arab. Plenty of secular people around too. Marrying someone from abroad is a bigger risk than their nominal religion in my opinion and even then it's down to your choice. I have several good friends in multi cultural marriages in Leicester, it's common, both white/non white or both Asian but different religions. People jog along just fine and people really don't care

Starbugg · 29/04/2024 08:29

Islamophobia is rife on Mumsnet - as evident by that thread. The responses would have been very different if someone was having a non-legally binding Christian ceremony. It’s exactly why there is now a Muslim board on Mumsnet - to give Muslims a safe space away from the open disdain that people have towards Muslims on Mumsnet.

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