Would you have thrown the shoes away?

So he doesn’t have any idea which shoes your children are currently wearing?

That is pretty crappy parenting.

He sounds like an arsehole. And what do you mean “he won’t be replacing them?”. How can he not- surely you have a joint account for children’s clothes?

Does your husband randomly not throw your things away because you say to him daily don't throw my stuff away or does he just not do it?

This

Neither my dp or dad would dare do such a thing. Having a massive sort of things atm and there's several conversations about a what's going where in random bags but things are double checked before going anywhere

So this was the first time he ever took clothes to the clothes bin. And he managed to do the "job" instantly instead of leaving the bag lingering for weeks (which is what I do!)
What a dick.

Now you can never ask him again to do anything "in case he does it wrong" so he's happy with the outcome

He is an idiot. And also an arsehole for checking for his own stuff then chucking yours and the kids out. How much of a shot dad do you have to be to not recognise shoes your kids are using?? And to get bad at you? Arsehole. He’ll need to use his own money to replace it all.

what you have described there sounds…. concerning

so you think he did confirm to himself that none of his own shoes in there before getting rid of?

or that he just scooped up a huge bag of shoes and got rid of without checking any of his in there, which would have confirmed to him that not a bag to get rid of

either way… sounds a pretty crappy marriage

Hes a dick

I'm impressed at the speed in which your husband physically took them to a recycle bin. If that was me they would sit in the cars boot for about a month.
But yes this is very unreasonable.

YANBU. It's the sort of behaviour I'd expect from someone who doesn't pull his weight around the house or make the effort to buy the essentials for his kids. I don't understand how anyone can be that unobservant to not think these are my kid's sports shoes, only bought recently, better check why they're in this bag. All he seemed to care about was that none of his shoes were in there! Sounds like strategic incompetence. I would expect him to go out and buy replacements and if you each have fun money budgets, the cost should come from his.

I’m assuming he’s going to replace them all like for like in his own time?

He’s obviously the one who completely fucked up here. Obviously you don’t just take a bag of everyone else’s shoes to the charity shop without checking with the person who put them in the bag. I mean it’s ridiculous.

Of course you weren’t wrong to gather up the shoes, put them somewhere for safe keeping, planning to clean the rack when you had time. That’s how things happen with small children - in stages, but with stuff kept safe until you can finish the job.

Honestly, this is so one sidedly him in the wrong i can’t believe you’ve had some such contrary answers.

May I recommend our system:

Anything for rubbish goes in a black bin bag

Anything for charity / donation goes in a clear bin bag

Anything being kept but gathered up to be sorted out, moved around goes in a reusable shopping bag or similar.

I'd be livid that anything got chucked out on an assumption without some simple communication first.

My dad took a pile of ironing to the charity bin at Tesco once. They obviously weren't bagged up or anything, just a pile of clothes in the usual place my mum put the ironing. I'll never understand what possessed him to do this. At least in the OP's case the shoes were bagged up and may have looked like they were intended for the charity shop. I'd have still checked though!

I was thinking this as well - none of his shoes got lost.

If there is no way to get them back from the clothes bank (thinking it might be possible to get some back if it's a local one), then your husband needs to get new shoes for your children and be more involved in organising their wardrobes etc in future. He can also think up a system for making sure that a similar mix up can't happen in future.

Has he admitted he made a mistake and apologised?

Gathering shoes in a bag is a bit random but my DH would always check with me before throwing something away.

i’d wager this isn’t a happy marriage generally

Shoes nowhere near the front or back door?! He should have checked.

I find it bizarre that someone would throw out shoes or anything else in this situation- I often gather items of clothing etc up for dry cleaning or mending and so on and often leave them sitting in a bag.

How can he have thought that you’d suddenly want to get rid of so many shoes at the same time.

common sense?

Indeed not, which is why it's essential to talk to each other. Oh dear, OP, I'd have been flabbergasted in your shoes (assuming you still have some).

How weird. Even if I was quite sure a bag of stuff was for the bin/clothes bank/whatever, I’d still ask! What an idiot 🤦🏼‍♀️ Surely one glance at the shoes inside would’ve seen him recognise that some of the shoes were still in use by the kids/were yours?!

i’ll take a punt that not one single pair of shoes in the bag belonged to him?