Would you have thrown the shoes away?

I voted YANBU based on this incident. But the question is do you have form for sticking things in a bag in the corner rather than clearing up properly. If so I might bin them myself out of sheer annoyance

It's not weird to collect things in a bag. How else can you carry half a dozen or more pair of shoes.

This was my thoughts too.

From your other posts he clearly is aware you have a method to your madness of trying to keep on top of things, and that is piling similar type/location items together to then deal with. This concept is not new to him as he has previously moaned about this method.

Basically I think he did it to spite you for some reason, which is pretty disgusting behaviour.

Can you tell his mother about this and embarrass him into sorting himself out and not being such a massive cockwomble?

He's a idiot for bining the shoes and his attitude afterwards. He needs to replace them not you.

Rarely tries to help?

All of you just stop. It is not fucking helping. It is his job as much as yours when they are his children.

He needs to pay for all new footwear for the children and to replace what was yours. He's pissed off with you as he knows he's done wrong but doesn't want to admit it.

So that makes it sound even more deliberate, he knows you gather things to sort and tidy later. He could have sorted and tidied the shoes himself but he chose to get rid of them instead. Does he do his share of chores and organising? It sounds like he doesn't.

I tidy like this, there's nothing wrong with it, i have adhd and piles are the only way I get done what I need to, I have other friends who do the same, it sounds like your husband has done this to teach you a lesson, to make you clean and tidy how he thinks you should. If he knows that's how you manage your tidying then it would have been more obvious that that's why they're were piled in a bag together.

I assume the shoes were not tied up in pairs. They were loose.

It would be crazy to take them to a clothes bank loose and donate them not in pairs, but loose. They would get seperated. Did he do that? What a fool.

Why would we jump down your throat for having a husband who treats you badly?

How much housework does this man do?

Your husband is not very domestic is he ? He had no opinion whether these things were still good or not or in use ? He just went with it that the wife says these are no good . I'd have a chat .

I don't think collecting things in a bag is weird at all, I do that all the time to sort stuff out, particularly clothes and shoes. My husband never had the crazy idea to through them all out without checking with le first! The same way I wouldn't throw out anything he has packed without asking him what he intended to do with it ...

Also, we both know which shoes our kids are wearing!

The solution:

1) Go to the charity shop and ask for them back. Explain the mistake and offer a donation, or perhaps even donate your husbands clothes to them?!

or

2) Buy yourself some nice new trainers, and the kids some shoes, and take it from the food budget, particularly the food your DH likes eating. e.g. when my DH pisses me off, the food becomes vegetarian as I am not fussed about eating meat and it's expensive!

Or he can acts like the grown up he is, and goes to the charity shop himself and explain, maybe op and the kids do care about the food they eat? Maybe their food budget isn't large enough to replace everyone's shoes and leave enough to feed them decent food? I know my food budget isn't large enough for that and still have enough for proper food.

Having a penis doesn't stop someone from knowing the things their family use daily.

The next thing of his that hits the floor would be in the bin a minute later.

He should have checked, but I'm baffled as to why you collected up a load of shoes and put them in a bag.

Hmm. Sounds as though he knew exactly what he was doing to be honest and did it to piss you off. If he regularly took things to a clothes bin then okay, but as you don’t and the way he reacted, sounds I’d bet this was no mistake.

Just noticed that you say he had never taken anything to the clothes bin in his life before. This makes me think he did this as some sort of aggressive gesture. Has he been complaining about shoes or other mess? Does he criticise your methods eg gathering things into one place and sorting later?

I have adhd. putting stuff in a bag is a completely normal thing in our house, and my dh would know not to throw it away. we call them doom bags.

Unless it's in a (secured) black bin bag I wouldn't be throwing anything out without checking.

What a selfish arsehole. So will he be explaining to the school why your kids can't do sports because he donated their shoes, then refused to buy replacements? He sounds like the type who won't take notice of a system anyway as he just does as he pleases.

He sounds awful. Particularly from your follow-up post about his reaction - no shame, no contrition, no acknowledgement that he just didn't think.

Unless he was expecting to have a bag to give to charity waiting for him to take, there's no reasonable rationale for his actions. It's like seeing a bag of shopping by the door and going 'oh, I should throw this in the bin, the collection's tomorrow'. Things in a bag do not automatically equal rubbish.

He sounds like an arsehole. And what do you mean “he won’t be replacing them?”. How can he not- surely you have a joint account for children’s clothes?

Im assuming she means he won't be the one taking the time to find and buy them, he'll expect the op to do that. I won't be surprised if he doesn't even know what size their feet are, or he'd pretend he doesn't know how to buy kids shoes.

At first I thought maybe it's a mistake, I have a friend whose dh was having a wardrobe clear out and he places a load of stuff in a black bag on the landing. The place where my friend would black bags of rubbish from bedrooms when she's cleaning and she binned it.

She never opened to check because she had no reason to think that the man who lived with her for the last ten years and had been using the same system wouldn't have out clothes he wanted to keep in a rubbish bag in the area rubbish gets out to be taken down and binned and in their case they laughed and nobody was angry or mad.

Your husband sounds like a cunt. He checked the bags and made sure his own shoes weren't in there. He either mustn't pay any attention to you or his children or he'd have known they were shoes in use, or he's known and binned them anyway. Either scenario doesn't sound great to be honest.

Male dignity... He knows he's on the wrong and he's stupid, but it's too hard for him to admit or even bear the thought. So he behaved like this as a damage shield.

We all know full well that in any functioning family/relationship there would be communication along the lines of “I’m just taking this bag to the clothes recycling, anything else that needs to go?”

The fact that he just took a bag with no discussion and you didn’t even know he was doing it suggests that there are serious communication issues going on here.

This is not a regular thing like taking out the bins.

And any normal man would be mortified, not smug.

Putting them all in one bag is strange as it implies they're perhaps to be got rid of, but getting rid of them without checking first is a bit silly.

On the other hand, it's all very well saying there were two pairs of trainers that you wore on a regular basis, but he is a MAN and given his reaction, he probably wouldn't have noticed what trainers you wear.

The solution:

1. Go to the charity shop and ask for them back. Explain the mistake and offer a donation, or perhaps even donate your husbands clothes to them?!

or

2. Buy yourself some nice new trainers, and the kids some shoes, and take it from the food budget, particularly the food your DH likes eating. e.g. when my DH pisses me off, the food becomes vegetarian as I am not fussed about eating meat and it's expensive!