Would you have thrown the shoes away?

Sounds like a passive-aggressive gesture to me.

So he won't replace them?

It's time a few of his shoes go missing.

Tot up the replacement cost of all the shoes.

The bag as well, if he dumped that too.

The money to replace the footwear should come from his disposable income.

OP you need to start a thread in the Relationship room (or better yet… the Divorce room) because what you are describing sounds like a profoundly unhappy marriage that has tilted in to… malice. And this is going to be a horrific family environment for you and sadly your children

I'd have to question his judgement/intellect on this one. Is he normally so stupid? I'd be extremely cross.

DP would probably (well, might) double check at the last second 'that bag of stuff...?', but I wouldn't guarantee that (or gamble that a load of tatty clothes or shoes weren't on their way to donation/recycling when they looked exactly like a bag of clothes or shoes on their way to donation or recycling.

It is harder to keep things clean, tidy and up to date/fitting when there are loads of old and useless things scattered around the house with the occasional better thing, though.

Your H is a first class idiot.

I would be fucking livid at this, but to be frank, my husband isn't so distant from his own wife and children that he wouldn't recognise shoes that are worn fairly regularly.

Your husband sounds like a complete dickhead that enjoys making you feel small and also making your life harder.

I personally would not throw stuff away without asking, my dad once threw a black bag out that my mum had left by the door for the ironing lady, he had to replace some of their clothes (lol)
But thats men for you just do things and don't think them through.

That's quite funny in a way! I can see both sides here. I mean it was a canvas bag not a bin bag and I personally would have checked before going to clothes bin but hey ho. I really.hope some of his shoes were in!

Clearly safer to do what I do when people don't put their shoes away - throw them in the back garden 🤷‍♀️🤣

DH was totally wrong to assume without checking

At least maybe people will put their shoes away now !? Hope some of his were in there

Could you claim on household insurance I heard of someone who did the same and got the money back on insurance

Has he lost the power of speech?

If I left a large canvas bag full of shoes lying around my house the other occupants would either ignore it (DS) or ask me why it was there (DP). There is no way anyone would take anything to the clothing bank unless there had been a conversation that started with 'I've got some stuff to go to the clothing bank....'

What is he like with you day to day?

Wow so he checked that all of his was not there ! Yanbu. He was wrong. A quick check in with you would have avoided this.

The more you post, the more deliberate it seems.

How silly of him.

I found a book I thought my dh had read and I was going to take it to the charity shop. I texted him first to check - this was one single cheap book.

your dh was a fool

Perhaps don't leave multiple pairs of shoes lying around in various rooms and put them back where they belong. Either immediately after use (I assume the shoe rack is by the front door so how do shoes manage to be left in various rooms?) or at the end of each day have a sweep around and put them back then. I get that it's difficult with toddlers but if you get into the habit of removing them when you're by the shoe rack when you come in they'll soon get the hang of it.

As there were none of his shoes in the bag then he's obviously the only one in the house that uses the shoe rack for its purpose and doesn't leave things lying around.

However, I would have checked if the bag was destined for the bin before taking it. Or communicated to him what you were planning to do with it so it didn't get thrown out.

He should have checked with you first.

Is it something that normally happens, as in him taking items to the clothes bank?

Maybe he assumed that as it was only shoes in the bag you'd had a declutter of the shoe cupboard.

I like to think that I'd have paused to check with you first, but I still think that it was a risky thing that you did if you didn't specifically communicate with him about NOT throwing them out.

Would it not have been logical to have just put them back on the boot rack for the time being to sort out when time permitted?

An expensive mistake I guess, and he will have to contribute towards putting it right.

Well my husband would know those are the shoes the kids still wear

He absolutely did this on purpose. He's a dickhead.

Yes I agree. He knew exactly what he was doing here.
next time he puts a bag of his stuff down you know what to do!

I do think it's weird you gathered shoes out of the bedrooms into a bag and brought downstairs - that bag would look like something that was to go if the shoes didn't usually "live" downstairs...

And maybe he thought you were trying to also chuck his favourite tatty shoes out?

Could have said to him "the bag of shoes in the front room is for me to sort Saturday"

The fact you're scared of an argument with him isn't good though