To find working part time hard?

I agree with all the comments about the structure of your hours. It’s not just the rushing around; unfortunately it makes you the default parent and homemaker too. I imagine, although you don’t say, that you picked up the job as additional and nothing else changed in terms of the burden of life admin, housework etc at home - you’ve said nothing to suggest your DH is useless at all, just that this is what always seems to happen. As minimum you need to shift that. Start by writing down all those endless chores and things to do that are flying around your head, and sit down with DH to share them out. He probably has no idea. And if he’s home 4.30 each day, actually he has plenty of time to take some of your load on - and importantly, he’s not more shattered (and so less able to do stuff) by his longer day and commute than you - your day is long and hard. Much love to you. It does get easier as they become less dependent even if it stays quite busy.

I found leaving work at 2.30pm very stressful. You are clock watching and sometimes I would be in the middle of something and have to drop and run.
Yes it would be better to stay later a few days if you could manage it. OH needs to pick up some of the morning slack.
A day alone would make a massive difference- I would do all the shopping and cleaning and organising. You just get in a better place.

I agree with others, organising everything the night before. All clothes, lunch things etc. I’d often prep some of the next nights dinner whilst making tonight’s dinner to make it easier.

Having done both, I would argue that FT working is easier. You're not on the same deadlines for pick up and DH can't help when the drop off and pick ups are at 9 & 3

Getting organised is key here. I work FT and have a 4 year old (plus four other assorted ages in the house). Lunches made the night before, school uniforms laid out and ready, school bags ready, my lunch ready if I need it so mornings are less chaotic. Get the kids up early enough so things aren't a rush. DP needs to help with school runs.

I would work longer days and have a day or two off to be more leisurely with drop offs and things. Get DH to do some of them. Sounds so stressful.

Yes, I think those hours are actually the hardest. Lovely to be able to do school runs and be there for the children, but no one else in the household appears to be even aware you go out to work, and you're so restricted on time that you can't even stay an extra 10 mins at work to get something finished.

I tried several variations, but 2 long days, with DC in childcare worked much better for me. 2 days pw, they enjoyed the wrap around, and I didn't really have any parenting responsibilities on those days, just got them up and put them to bed

I’ve said this before in various ways, and I do know it’s not popular to say it but having two pre-schoolers IS a job.

just out of curiosity more than anything, the bit where you say when you child turned 3 you were told you'd have to go back to work - was this to do with the UC payment or just that you were told you should go back to work? those are still quite young children to be juggling if you absolutely don't have to (I know a lot do of course!) as others have said, you need to check with a healthcare professional that you aren't also suffering from late PND or similar as you do sound really miserable (big hugs!!) - how flexible is your work, could you ask them to do 10 - 2 and give yourself a little bit longer to decompress from one 'job' to the other so it doesn't feel like such a rush? Honestly, I sometimes rue the day we women got 'equality' because it doesn't always feel very equal does it!

Yep normal life … we try to help ourselves as much as possible avoid the morning madness. We pack and get everything ready the night before (when we’re little that included setting the breakfast table), all bags (including my work bag) also ready to just grab.
I actually leave the house earlier when less traffic and get to school 10 mins early (if I left 5 mins later we would be late) and that time in car is just part of our day (he would go through his spellings, read me some of his book etc).
end of day we have routines too … everything unpacked, hubbie and I divide and concur so we get a bit of sit down time before bed

Can you extend the nursery hours and DH can do pick ups if he gets back at 4.30?

I completely understand where you are coming from! Your girls are super close in age & that in itself is demanding. I work part time & do it in two days. I basically do two long days and arrange childcare for those days. I think if I did what you are doing I would be the same. So maybe look at different hours? So you can have a day to breathe & get shit done! Best of luck x

Is there a way to juggle your hours to start earlier or later for fewer days? You don’t mention what you do, but if this is an option even say 9-4.30 3 days would give you some time of not rushing and DH can do pick up. It has to work for you! I’d say explore this, and be as organised as you can be. Shower the night before, get up as early as you can tolerate so you can eat and drink and get ready yourself without the chaos (this would be a challenge for me as my kids get up so early!)

mornings will always be chaotic as there’s never not going to be things to do so I don’t think changing anything there would help.

I would keep your job as those hours are super rare but put your children two days a week in after school clubs and your husband collects on the way home that gives you 4-5 hours child and work free to get everything done and for probably only a small cost. If you do a Tuesday and Friday anything that needs doing your never too far away from your “free time” and it can wait

I used to get every ready the night before and be awake an hour before my kids were up. I dropped at school and childminder and childminder picked up both x3 days a week full time. It worked well.

5 short days is a schedule I wouldn't want to do for exactly the reasons you state. Not full time pay but you get five small blocks of time after work that fill up with minor tasks rather than longer periods to really get things done or spend quality time with the kids.

Could you look for something that condenses the hours into less days? I work similar hours but three days so I have two full days "off". One or two full days is always going to give more time to be productive than five "post school" windows, even if the hours are technically the same.

Can you go down to four days? Or do linger on the other four?

Of course it's hard, you're not getting any time to yourself. You're rushing from pillar to post. Being there for every school pick up really isn't necessary. They'll be fine in an after-school club or with a child minder until your DH can pick them up and feed them. I'd then work 3 longer days, if this is possible? You'd get the headspace needed to be more involved in work. We all need that.

I briefly tried 9-2.30 but it was like you say, always rushing, no downtime. It was much better working my hours over 3.5 days. Can you adjust the nursery arrangements at all? Then when both are in school your DP can collect from after school club on your long days. Men are allowed to request flexible working too.

I’ve worked 3 days a week since my eldest was born 8 years ago and I agree with others that it’s the structure of your hours that is making life stressful. I did similar for a couple of years and was super stressed and always chasing my tail. Switching back and forth from parent to employee to parent, responsible for everything, tied to the school run so could never take an afternoon off or meet a friend for dinner after work or even run errands.

3 full days was much easier for me (with little ones at home two days and dh doing some of the picking up and dropping off on the three days). I’ve just switched again so we’re less reliant on clubs, as youngest is going to reception in September. Same number of hours but this time I’m doing two full and two half days. This is still a better balance for me with a day at home and two days of after school care. Would that work for you?

Your current set up sounds exhausting and unsustainable and like your DH really needs to step up and share a bit more of the load at home.

Can I be brutally honest?

Of course the mornings are a rush. You're trying to get out the house to a deadline with 2 young children. It's like herding cats.

This is normal. It will improve as you get more used to the routine and your children get older and can do more for themselves.

But to talk about this affecting your MH and to be struggling so badly, then either something is wrong and you need to see a GP or you need to toughen up and accept that having kids - sometimes - is shit.

Is there a reason your partner can't drop one of them off? Why are the girls at different nurseries? It will be hard doing 2 drop offs in the morning and trying to get to work on time. I would make sure everything is ready the night before by the door. I'd keep trying to get them in the same nursery or see if there is a childminder that you could use for them both instead, or i would use afterschool club. As for not getting anytime to yourself, we'll you aren't. I'm assuming you pick both kids up when you finish work so it's busy when you get home too. I'd consider afterschool club even if it's 2 days a week just to give you a bit of time, even if all you do is prep the evening meal or run a hoover around.

I hear you .I had a similar set up,in many ways you have the worst of both worlds. Maybe see if you can drop a day. A day off helps hugely. Also can hubby do a couple of days drop offs .get things prepped the night before, maybe batch cook at weekend.

I don’t really understand what is so stressful but perhaps you just need to be more organised? Like why is the morning so manic? Is everything prepped the night before, do you get up early enough ? Are you using your weekends to ensure that the week runs smoothly?