Partner asked me to get up with baby in the morning

Absolutely this! Honestly sleep apart some nights if you only have one kid! Why wouldn't you both get breaks!

Ok adding to this I appreciate that but why on earth are you doing a nappy change at 10 months at night? It sounds like the brand you are using are either rubbish, don't fit your kid or aren't right? Pampers last 12 hours for us, and yes absolutely the nappy is heavy, but there is no way I would be changing my kid unless they wet themselves which has so far been never at night. Also getting your husband out of bed or him choosing to do so is just mad/bizarre. Every minute is essential lying down.

Yes your husband should be giving you a break at some point. We do it at night and then have a morning lie in each at weekends, but every family is different. And as everyone is tired everyone has arguments about this and what is fair, however few bother posting it on Mumsnet

My partner will wake up and sit with me when I do the nappy change, but will then go back to sleep.

i also don’t get this bit? There is no need for him to wake to be with you. What is he doing when he comes home? I think he needs to be helping more in the evening.

If he’s working and you’re not, then he shouldn’t be the one getting up in the night or early in the morning.

On the weekends/annual leave then it should be shared but it’s not fair if he loses sleep if you’re not even working right now.

It would be different if the baby was a very bad sleeper and you were only getting an hour or 2 a night but it sounds like you get a decent amount.

When you go back to work then it should be 50/50.

The sleep competition does become a huge thing when you are both sleep deprived. I agree with other posters, you need a clear split. For us my partner would stay up until 1am and then I would be on duty from 1am onwards. I went to bed at 8pm so I knew I had a full 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Whoever was on duty would be downstairs with baby so we didn't have our sleep disturbed.
Our first baby was was very unsettled and I struggled to get any sleep if she was in our bedroom so we found this was the solution. Baby 2 was easier but we did the same again until proper sleeping pattern established.

My biggest advice - stop calculating everything. 30 mins here, 4 hours there, etc etc… just try and break out of the habit, it’ll drive you insane otherwise!

Having had two children myself, neither of whom has slept through the night save for a handful of times, it’s so much worse for your mental health to be continuously documenting every single minute. Especially if each minute ends up being used as leverage in your relationship.

You’re knackered and it sucks, but let him go to the football and return the favour by giving you an early night in the next couple of days.

You need to find a solution where you both get some undisturbed sleep. Do you have a spare bedroom? If so your husband will get a better night sleep there on nights when he is exhausted as he won't be disturbed, but give the little one to him after he's had an early morning feed (closest feed to 4.30) so then you get 2-3 hours undisturbed before he leaves for work. That could mean you sleep in the spare bedroom from that time and your husband goes in with the baby. Or alternatively some sort of ear plugs/headphones

Your DP needs to get up in the mornings.
you need to do the nights if you’re breastfeeding as in his defence, he can’t.
there is absolutely no point him getting up to
watch a nappy change. Get him to wear earplugs or sleep elsewhere. He can then get up early but with breastfeeding you might have to get up early also.
I swapped to pumping and then formula at only 2 weeks because I found the amount I was awake so awful it was driving me to insanity and I couldn’t sit and watch my DP sleeping all the time. Like you, I couldn’t nap either cos my LO wanted to contact nap on me all the time.

You're both exhausted.

I personally think you should do the night feeds Sunday night to Thursday night and Friday and Saturday night your OH can do it to give you a break.

If you're on maternity and he's working all day Monday to Friday it's only fair that he sleeps for work and you get up in the night during the week.

You say you can't put your baby down for a nap during the day, do exactly what you do during the night. But shut the curtains, set an alarm.

I did this on my own from birth. Every night. It works. I napped during the day, it was the only way I was gonna not feel exhausted. Unfortunately having naps when your baby is napping is part of having a baby. If you don't nap you're gonna be exhausted. Sleep is mucked up when you have a baby.

@fellinlovewithawar , does your partner go out to work? If he does I think you are being extremely unreasonable expecting him to be awake during the night and early morning. He cannot close his eyes and get a rest during the day, you can even if your baby sleeps with you. If the football is something he’s always done I understand that he doesn’t want to give it up but he should understand that you too need some time to yourself and find a way that you’re both happy with to allow you that.

If he's getting up for nappy change, then the advice given to antenatal classes in the early 90s seems reasonable here - DH gets up and changes nappy, then brings baby to you (in bed) to feed. If everyone falls asleep, all well and good.

If you don't want to do that, DH stays asleep, you do the changes and feeds during the night and he gets up early to see to baby before going to work.

When you're exhausted, and you clearly are OP, stay in bed for a day or so. Put baby next to you and feed/change as necessary. I think it's called a baby moon. If that helps, treat yourself to days like that. After all, nobody is going to benefit from you being exhausted.

You have to share whatever care is needed and fit work and hobbies around that.

I bottle fed all 3 of mine but I did all the night feeds and nappy changes as I knew my husband was going to work.

I really don't understand why he's getting up with you for a nappy change?

Maybe express some milk so he can feed on a Friday night to give you a full night's sleep?

You need to divide and conquer so you can both get as much sleep as possible. What is the point of him getting up with you in the night?

Just to echo other posters, you need to take it in turns it's pointless you both being up.

If i were you id get sorted for bed then give a feed, hand baby straight to DH and get some sleep.

I honestly find this bat shit, i ebf both mine 15 months apart Did every night feed and morning care as my husband is running a business. He did his share on a weekend he worked away m-f
Absolutely pointless him sat up whilst you're feeding

Sleep deprivation is hell. Hopefully you can come to an agreement that helps all of you.

I think it would be interesting for him to do at least one night getting up with you for every feed and nappy change. Then he can imagine that stretched across 9 months or so and see what a total head fuck it is.
seriously, sleep deprivation is torture, you must get big long naps in every weekend. You have to claw it back. He has to go out with the baby for an hour or two and let you catch up.

With our EBF newborn I did all the nights and I made my husband sleep in the spare room so he had a full nights sleep.

There was no point in him being woken up too as he couldn’t feed our DS and nappy changes took 5mins.

This meant my DH wasn’t tired and he then could do the mornings, take our baby for a bit after work then cook dinner whilst I fed the baby/got them down.

You have to divide and conquer here.

I had almost zero help with mine. Ten weeks in you are probably the most exhausted you'll be. Very soon it gets better.

My tip is warm bath and feed before bed, have them in the top part of a carry cot or in a Moses basket right next to you on the mattress of your double bed. This is as close to co sleeping as you can get without sleeping together. They can hear your breathing and smell you so they know you are very close.

You are so close to getting through the most difficult nights. Very soon you'll be dropping a night feed. Almost there!

Sleep deprivation is awful and you'll only survive (relatively) unscathed if you and your partner work together. Some people get back to sleep easily if woken, others don't, so it can be difficult to say how much sleep your partner has had. Also, some people can function adequately on little sleep. If there is somewhere else for your partner to sleep and be disturbed less at night use that. If you're only cancelling his football as a punishment then don't. Plan together how to maximise sleep for both of you. And good luck, it will get better eventually.

Have you ever passed him the baby to do the nappy change if he is awake, and you turn over and snooze @fellinlovewithawar I would not be impressed if DH sat and watched me do a nappy change and then complain he is tired

You both need to give each other a break. He's getting woken up throughout the night then having to go to work. Do you have a spare room/ can he sleep on the sofa so he can stay asleep during nights when he has to work the next day and then give you a break from 6am? You can then swap at weekends.

Tension during the newborn phase is totally normal when everyone is tired, try to be kind to each other.

You need to look at who does what. No point in him waking and watching you change a nappy. Best thing will be to start expressing and let him give a late bottle and you go to bed at 8pm. He should be doing early mornings if he’s not been disturbed in the night. Your current arrangement you’re both waking which is pointless. I am sorry but I think telling him he’s not going to football is treating him like a child and will not help the sleep issues. I understand why you feel like that; resentment creeps in. The early years are tough, work together not against each other. Have an honest chat about how he can help.

What a vile, judgemental, unsympathetic and completely unhelpful post.