Partner asked me to get up with baby in the morning

You didn't even mention whether or not he had a job to go to every day. And put your baby in its crib and have a lie down during the day. Even for half an hour. Ignore the crying if the baby has been fed and changed.

Why is he getting up to do nappy changes just to sit there? Popular opinion but if he is working, particularly if he needs to drive to get there and you are EBF I would just do all night wake ups. We did this and it worked well, I co-slept so baby latched on and then went straight back to sleep, it worked quite well. Also, unless they poo (which is possible!) I didnt tend to touch the nappy during in the night, certainly not multiple changes. Apologies if you have a baby who poos a lot in the night though!

OP, when my twins were newborns they were bottle fed so nights were on us both. We’d both get up, feed one each, change nappy if needed, lather rinse repeat. Lord, did he know how hard it was! But - it caused relationship issues. I’d be so jealous of him as he left for ‘peace’ at work, he was jealous he had to function at work while I ‘chilled out’ at home with the babies. We got competitive (‘mine fed so much longer, you got more sleep!!’) and it nearly broke us.

There’s no way around it being hard - we ended up having relationship counselling and it was amazing and reminded us we need to be a team. Work together, set clear expectations. I know people have suggested similar but try and do the same! Newborns absolutely rock your world but stick together as a team, try not to feel jealous of things the other cannot change and set really clear roles for each other to survive it. Good luck!

Ugh OP I cannot bear to read these posts that suggest two people weren’t involved in making a baby. Sleep is so incredibly important. Unless your DH is a brain surgeon or operating heavy machinery or doing some that that involves life or death there is no reason why this cannot be shared fairly. You are doing a JOB looking after the baby in the day. And bloody hell DH should be dropped/pausing evening hobbies whilst you have a 10 week old. It’s so easy to fall into this pattern when it’s a first baby but take it from me, you need to establish as early as possible that this is a shared responsibility. Even if you are EBF it does not mean you should be surviving non severely less sleep than your DH.

Also if your baby only naps on your, co nap on your bed together safely. That's what I did. Id get around three hours in the day napping together

He doesn't need to get up to watch you nappy change.

30mins sleep from 4am sounds good to me. I'm lucky my baby has always been a brilliant sleeper but most of my friends 1 year olds are up for the day at 4.30! One of my friends is pregnant with number two and up at 4.30 everyday.

Separate rooms

Bigger nappies

one morning off each at the weekend

Its like a relay race, you are exhausted and if you don’t get sleep you will turn on each other.

It’s not forever. Good luck x

No hobbies in the first 6 months! He has a duty to you and the baby.

Do you get hobbies op?

Again another sensible post. I couldn't do this to DH knowing he was working full time when I could put my feet up & rest through the day any time I felt like it.

You've written my thoughts exactly 👍

I’m tempted to ask him to stay up with me during every breastfeed too just so he understands how exhausting it can be.

Why on earth would you do that? What’s the point of depriving him of sleep when he needs to be at work in the morning? He needs to knock on the head being awake for the nappy changes too, there’s no point in him losing sleep. I wouldn’t make him get up with the baby in the morning either. He has to go to work! You can rest when the baby does. YABU.

As a father who could change a nappy it is incomprehensible to me why he can't change the nappy if he is awake anyway and the baby's fed. And he doesn't need an official witness!

Actually you need good sleep to support breast milk supply.....so it's in husband's interest to help you sleep. Otherwise if you have to bottle feed he can be nominated to do half the feeds!!
My DC liked contact sleep........is it worth trying a sleep in a pram/pushchair - particularly as the weather improves? Worked well for us - can then rest or sleep nearby......

My h used to bring baby to me, doze or chat while I fed baby, change him if needs be, wind him and put him back to bed. All his choice. None of this counting who has had the least sleep. There needs to be less resentment on both sides and more understanding from him.

I’m going to add no-one reasonable would think it’s ok for one of you to be completely sleep deprived so you can barely see straight while the other one is well rested. It’s just not on, parenting is a joint project. Yes crying babies wake you up but he doesn’t have to get up does he. If he’s not doing anything useful he can stay lying down.

DH did nappy changes at night, unless his job is air traffic controller or driving for long hours you can share it. I can’t sleep during daylight hours so Dh used to pitch in at night during the week and then have a few naps at the weekend. It was hard both of us but we managed. Thank god DH wasn’t so precious about getting uninterrupted sleep because this goes on for years not just over maternity leave. If you set the tone for only one of you getting up theres a good chance you will be stuck with it forever.

How many times have mums managed with barely any sleep, working and a huge load men are not so fragile that they can’t cope.

I would expect you to be a little unreasonable as a sleep deprived mother of a 10 week old! It's good to have a rant and get it off your chest. It sounds like you both are doing your very best, but the little things are going to be magnified at the minute and you both have to find your groove. I think it is sweet that he has sat up for the nappy changes and I'm sure you have had lovely moments bonding as parents and with your little guy.
Once he gets a little older and you feel comfortable co sleeping it will be a game changer. In the mean time you will just keep on muddling through doing your best.

If you can learn to lie down breastfeeding in bed and co - sleep safely at the same time then it will change all of this and you can nap when baby naps in the day and start to feel human again.

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

I’ll probably get shot down in flames for this but here we go….I’m on maternity leave and my partner works full time. I am taking extended maternity where I will not be bringing any money into the household so it is on him to do so. In this respect I see it as reasonable for me to be up at night because I am not getting up in the morning to go to work and support anyone financially. My baby is also EBF and honestly my Carter has done 0 nights or mornings before he has gone to work and I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

what he does do is have the baby for a couple of hours in the evening so I can go to the gym. In the very days when I was getting no sleep this time was used to sleep not gym.

You need some catch up sleep and some support but you need to structure it in a way that allows him to still be able to function at work. It makes no sense for you both to be knackered.

The first weeks are so hard. I remember being up with DD all night trying to get her to feed and wind. I had been told to feed her every 3 hours and it was breaking me so by about week 9 we introduced a new regime. I mixed fed anyway as DD was underweight (boob followed by formula bottle) but for the 2 am feed DH did it, so just bottle obvs, and this worked really well for us. He's a night owl, I'm fine in the mornings providing I got the core hours in the night. It doesn't matter who does what but splitting it up so you each get a decent amount of sleep really helps.

If I was to give one bit of advice that would be to try and get little one to settle in the cot during the day. I found letting them have a little playtime in there helps so whilst you're having a shower or going to the loo pop them in with no expectation of sleep just to get them used to it. Little short sessions in a safe place. I had some soft contrast books that I would prop up and a mobile that would hold their attention. Obviously if you want to continue with contact napping then do but it helped me to have a little break.

Oh and I changed nappies at every feed.

Why is he getting up if he’s not changing nappies? It’s hard when you’re EBF and doing all the night time shifts. My DP used to take the baby every weekend morning so I had a lie in. This worked for us - I didn’t see the point us both being knackered when he could be relatively rested in the week having to go to work and all.

I have an EBF 5 week old baby too OP. My DH done the nappies at night whilst I was recovering and had stitches, he done it so I wasn’t needlessly getting up and out of bed. Now I’m recovered he sleeps at night, I from after one breast and feed off the other, in the morning DH gets up for work, does nappy/clothes change then gives him 3oz of expressed milk whilst I get a longer stretch of sleep. Whilst he’s sorting baby he sorts clothes for our toddler for the morning too then leaves for work early AM. At the weekend he does the same and only wakes me if baby needs a feed from me. Would your baby take a bottle of expressed milk so you could get a longer stretch of solid sleep in the morning?

Oh stop with the silly drama.

YANBU.

He's taking the piss with his football and "sitting with you during the nappy changes".

Do you need an official observer?
Company?

WTF is wrong with some men???

I’d totally make him stay up and do something productive for the full time you’re up with baby. Then leave him with baby allll day (popping back in to feed) and see if he understands then.

yes you’re both tired, but why do you have to be understanding and him not??