Grandma choosing dog over her grandchild

I don’t think we can take what she says in good faith because she sounds like a drama queen. “My mum has picked a dog over her grandchild”…errr no she bloody hasn’t. She’s chosen to help her sister as well as her and this isn’t good enough for the OP. It all reads like drama and therefore when she is talking about the dog I expect the say degree of exaggeration has gone on there.

I honestly don’t think she is prioritising anyone over anyone else- I think she is trying to please everyone.

1. Why can't we take what the OP says in good faith?
2. The dog broke into her cupboard at her house and ate currants in the form of a bun, which can be life-threatening for dogs and needed an expensive trip to the vets. That's not ideal behaviour, is it?

Raisins can cause kidney failures in dogs, I wouldn't say a vet visit for eating them is an over reaction?

Been in this situation many times. My DPs recently prioritised Dsis dog over seeing their oldest DGC on his 18th. They've dog sat many times more than babysat my DC over the yrs & of course DSis is the golden child. It hurts but pointlessness getting upset, I just go LC with them every so often, as do our DBs who are treated the same.

It's really bad your mum has let you down at the last minute. I think it's an absolute cheek. Don't do her any favours and back away.

@BIossomtoes

From one of OP's posts - "I hate that my sister didn’t bother training the dog and let’s it run wild and not be toilet trained etc"

Unless the OP expects the dog to use the toilet, I would hazard a guess that the dog not being toilet trained means it is pissing and shitting inside.

Of course I will not be relying on mum for childcare again and am seriously considering asking her to step back out of our lives.

You don't ask for your DM's permission for her to step out of your life....you take control and make that decision to not have her in it.

my sister has messaged me and said that ‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

Wow.... "You need to be careful"
If it was my DS that said that I'd be replying "fine if that's how you feel, it'll free up an invite for another guest"

By the sound of things they're two people that contribute very little towards your life but want a big say in how you run it.

YANBU to be upset - your mother has done a very shitty thing. But I'd not miss the interview, I'd drop daughter off, pick her up and then never ask mum to do a favour like this again. I'd also communicate (after the interview) how shitty this is and the consequences for you.

It's understandable that you are upset at your mum letting you down at such short notice. Don't make things worse by focusing on her priorities or how your sister trains her dog. Your mum did suggest a couple of solutions, although they're not ideal in difficult situations you have to consider everything. I think in future you will not rely on your mother and she is the one who will miss out.

No it’s realistic.

Yeah probably by responsibility arranging childcare with someone in advance, which the OP did!
Underthemagnificentbeechtree

And the OP still has childcare offer. Not idea but it will work. She can take it or miss out on a job and keep complaining about everyone around her: her fiancee, her mother, her sister, the dog - instead of being an adult and taking care of herself, her interview and her baby. For which she still needs help.

Where has it been said the dog is untrained?

Edit found it - but is it really untrained or is the Op being a drama queen?

TBF OP I'd be really annoyed if I was you.
Your DM should have told your DS that she was looking after your little one and your DS should have respected it and worked out something else instead of you having to.

Unless a distance away surely your interview would have only taken a few hours so the dog would have been fine at home for that time and your DM could have gone there and seen to it once you were back home.

That's some wildy irresponsible advice!

Yeah probably by responsibility arranging childcare with someone in advance, which the OP did!

This thread is infuriating! The fiancé being away on his stag is irrelevant really. He could equally have a day of surgery planned or be a classroom teacher who can’t just take a day off. The OP doesn’t seem to be annoyed by the fact that he’s away - a week may be excessive for some but maybe he got a cheap deal? It’s not really the point!

Anyway, hopefully she’s also getting to have some fun for her hen at some point.

The key points are

1. one-off childcare has been arranged with 2 and a half weeks’ notice and kindly(!) agreed to by OP’s Mum.

2. at 10pm, OP was informed that the only way this agreement could be upheld was for a disaster dog to be present when OP’s Mum is babysitting, either at her own house or her sister’s - this is clearly not enough time for fiancé to cut the trip short, and even if it was it would still be crap to force someone to cut a trip short so you can agree to a last-minute dog sitting request.

People are fixating on the two options:
25 minutes’ drive / put the wedding stuff away, but in reality it sounds like the OP doesn’t feel comfortable with the combo of her baby with the dog and only her Mum to supervise.

It’s really not fair and she’s letting you down badly.

‘I need to be very careful or she won’t be helping or turning up to the wedding’

Wow!

I'd feel like answering "OK".

I guess if your sister gets the hump your mum won't go to the wedding either?

Shame it took this happening to you for your fiancé to realise that maybe a week away wasn't the best idea.

Some of you really should be writing fiction. OP says the dog isn’t trained - that could mean anything not necessarily that it’s incontinent. So it ate a hot cross bun? The vet’s visit was a complete over reaction, it would have been fine. It’s just a bloody dog . Some babies live with them 24/7.

OP, I get that you are upset but you need to focus on what you want to achieve here.

Get your child to your mother, nobody will die, you will attend your interview. It will be over in 2 hours, you will pick up the baby who will be absolutely fine, and then everything can be put behind.

For God's sake, 10 pages. How do you think others attended interviews whose mums don't even live in the same country? There was no one to moan about, we just had to make it work, and we did.

Agree - it's quite astounding how many people think the perfect solution to this issue is to put an untrained dog in the same room as a six month old baby.

Why do PP keep saying to take the baby to where mum is dog sitting? The dog is so badly trained it can't be left in its own house and is shitting and pissing everywhere and breaking into cupboards to poison itself.

I'd think it deeply inappropriate to leave a 6 month old there with only that animal and a person so blase about the dog's disgusting behaviour - I would not trust that the mum is going to adequately supervise the both of them and ensure they are never alone together (or that the poor baby isn't going to roll round in a puddle of dog piss).

What a shit mother she is and I hope this really makes you think about your relationship going forward. It isn't only about her Gc but also about an important step for you going to an interview. She has let both you and your child down. I hope you never ever help her or be there for her. Refer her to your sister going forward.

This is what I did 20 years ago.

Wow what a powerful story. Just goes to show.