They have enough money I don’t need to pay them back?

I hope you don’t see these parents!

For a number of reasons.

1. it’s embarrassing for other people If you bankroll them every time. Most people have a sense of self and want to contribute
2. because you would feel quite used if you just paid for everyone all the time. It’s not about the money at all, it’s about the principle.

when you have a lot of money there are plenty of ways to share it without embarrassing other people or being a doormat.

Who do you know that are millionaires and refuse to pay for your coffee?

No ones like to be used as a cash cow.

I suspect she kept the money! Do you know if it really was donated?

In any case, she was wrong to donate it and should never be trusted again,

But if they spot me shopping or a meal, I have to transfer the money before leaving or I get the silent treatment.

What does this mean sorry?

Why does she expect you/DH to pay for her?

You sound like a bank! 😂

I’ve had this from my Sil. I recently hid the fact that we went abroad on holiday. In the past if she found out we were on holiday she would suddenly have a big expense that needed paying.

I've come across it a lot and aren't as generous as a result. It's not borrowing money but more the attitude that they perceive I'm wealthier than them so can pay for things. I nipped that in the bud.

On the other hand, for people without an entitled attitude, I do also shout meals and other things if I know they have struggles.

For the record, none of the people above know if I am actually wealthier than them or not. Often I'm not.

Yep, my sister is like this. When she invites herself to stay with us, she refuses to eat our home cooked meals and sends me to the take-away for her, she NEVER pays me the money for it, despite asking, often orders 2 courses, the most expensive starter etc. She'll scoff at me telling me we're "loaded". No, Dear Sis, we are not "loaded". I remember we went to the supermarket together once, whilst waiting for another one of her takeaways, and I'd forgotten to bring my card with me (I'd already paid for her takeaway in cash), I needed something inexpensive whilst there, she was spending about £10 on junk food, she got it for me, then as soon as we got back to mine, she WhatsApped me the exact pounds and pence of the item she'd covered me for (think it was about £2.10 or something), along with her bank details. Then proceeded to tell me I had to immediately transfer it. I asked her about the cost of her takeaway? She looked at me blankly, "you're rich". She thinks being a home owner equals rich/loaded. Despite knowing fine well about having a mortgage to pay. Honestly, I've put a stop to it now, no more pandering to that spoilt brat. Not seen her since of course.

Yes a step brother embezzled a life changing sum from eldery grandmother. She was a miser never spent a penny and the excuse he gave was so what she wasn't spending it. Didn't ladt but a few months before dead broke and nothing to show for it.

Bloody covid and theatres - an opera house tried this on with me, they just presumed I'd be happy to donate the money from my £40 ticket. Had to contact customer services, who were very short with me over email and only gave a partial refund initially (took some chasing). It's bizarre enough when people do it, but rich institutions?!

BIL, when told all siblings would be splitting the cost of his mums funeral but that luckily one of his uncles had covered it for them for now and they would pay him back as and when they could:

”Well, he can fucking wait for it. He’s got plenty of money.”

I actually looked at him in disgust.

Yes, this is why don’t lend anyone money any longer.

Disappointing.

I am the highest earner out of my siblings, with no other support networks. I lend them money when they need it, and most hasn't been paid back.

But if they spot me shopping or a meal, I have to transfer the money before leaving or I get the silent treatment.

They all work, and own their own homes. I just can't get the deposit together to buy a house. 1 bought when 100% mortgage was available, and the other 2 inherited the house from parent.

I now move all my money into savings account and show my current balance being low so can't help.

Happens all the time. Husband and I very fortunate / financially comfortable (in large part because of my husbands insanely hard work + a lot of fun sacrificed for career choices in his 20s) - we have friends (and siblings) that seem to feel entitled to a free ride.

I would mind less if it was explicit. If a friend said ‘hey, I’m a bit tight at the moment would you mind picking up supper’ - of course. Or if they were struggling for necessities then, again, be more than happy to help. But the passive expectation that I will bank roll activities and / or meals feels sh**

I HATE owing people money or feeling like I’m not pulling my weight. It frustrates me that other people don’t seem to mind. I suppose I tackle it with people I care about (siblings) and back off from the others.

it’s not about money at the core - it’s about treating people with basic respect / courtesy. Hoping that someone won’t notice they haven’t been paid back is pathetic. The ‘lender’ might choose not to embarrass someone. Or decide that the person isn’t important enough to in invest energy in a conversation about it - but they have noticed.

My brother! Every time our parents lend him money, he smirks & says "we all know I won't pay it back". Me on the other hand, I learnt my lesson. The one & only time I've ever asked for a loan (which they know I'm good for), they agreed, then reneged the offer at the last minute.

A whole lot of MN would agree with him, with a dose of " greedy selfish boomer" thrown in for good measure

Never come across this. If I lend money I want repaying and I will kick up a stink until I get payment.

We had someone in our family (a step family member ) who announced after receiving some inheritance - that had been given on the proviso the money was given back in her Will to the rest of the family - that they didn't need the money anymore (had too much!) so she'd rewritten her Will to send the money elsewhere

She had no idea the impact that had on the rest of the family

YANBU

One of my friends did this to me. I called them out. I don't see them now.

It's disgusting expecting someone to subsidise your life!

If you don't earn enough get another or a better job.

Never met anyone so stupidly greedy

This happens a lot when you have money. Dh's family are always asking for "loans" they have no intention of paying back. Basically taking the piss and a shit attitude.

It's just the way people assume that gets me. Why the hell do they get to decide whether the other party can afford not to be paid back or not? The decision should be in the hands of the person who loaned out. The borrower should always offer the money back as soon as they can , then if the lender IS very wealthy and doesn't want the money back, THAT'S when they can say so. It simply isn't the lender's decision to make, as it's not their money to forego.