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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dislike being asked what I am reading

57 replies

iamreading · 28/04/2024 20:38

Eg in the hairdressers, at lunch time at work. I am reading, not wanting to talk but also unless it is a well known book you have to say something about it, otherwise it’s just ‘The Reading Woman by Anne Jones.’ I am generally reading something banal anyway so don’t want to admit this! AIBU?

OP posts:
Fecked · 28/04/2024 21:11

mossylog · 28/04/2024 21:09

Haha I was even more of a menace in my youth. When I was a teenager, I'd make a point of trying to talk to anyone I was next to on a bus or train. I definitely got a few panicked responses from people like yourself who really don't enjoy talking with strangers.

Show quote history

I’m ok talking to strangers sometimes but I don’t like it being forced on me. It’s an area where you have to have sensitivity.

Fecked · 28/04/2024 21:09

I hate this too. If I’m sitting reading it’s because I want to read. But I do think when people ask it, it’s meant in a friendly way and we’re all different.

mossylog · 28/04/2024 21:09

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 21:05

Oh god this would be a nightmare to me and would really put me on edge. Hope we don’t cross paths

Show quote history

Haha I was even more of a menace in my youth. When I was a teenager, I'd make a point of trying to talk to anyone I was next to on a bus or train. I definitely got a few panicked responses from people like yourself who really don't enjoy talking with strangers.

Gwenhwyfar · 28/04/2024 21:08

yoozer16427942 · 28/04/2024 20:53

Wait... you can read while getting a haircut?! I've been doing hairdressers wrong!

Edited

You can't normally. I read during waiting times, but when they're actually cutting you have to put your head in certain positions incompatible with reading.

XenoBitch · 28/04/2024 21:08

Get a bookmark that says "Fuck off, I'm reading" on it, and leave it in view of whoever might ask about your book.

IncompleteSenten · 28/04/2024 21:06

Ok, I'm the first to admit I often don't really understand the rules of social interactions but I have always assumed that someone sitting with their nose in a book is giving off a very strong signal that they do not wish to engage in social chit chat at that moment.

I just leave them alone. Surely that is the logical thing to do?

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 21:05

mossylog · 28/04/2024 20:59

I usually leave people alone if they look like they want to be left alone, and certainly if they've got headphones in. But if I'm on a train or airplane next to someone who's reading a book that maybe I've read or seems interesting, I'd be happy to strike up conversation about it and I like it when people do the same to me.

It's a personality thing. Some people are incorrigible introverts, and that's fine. But it's not rude for others to try and broach conversation, just as it's not rude to disengage from conversation early and return to your book if you prefer.

Show quote history

Oh god this would be a nightmare to me and would really put me on edge. Hope we don’t cross paths

Original poster
iamreading · 28/04/2024 21:05

Allfur · 28/04/2024 21:03

What questions/conversation is allowed?

Generally, if I’m reading … I want to be left alone.

I wouldn’t say I’m particularly introverted and I don’t think I’m lacking social niceties or skills but sometimes I do want to be quiet and read and I wish that people would respect that tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
iamreading · 28/04/2024 21:04

Right - it’s never occurred to me that it would be a problem! I have very young children so the hairdressers is one of the few opportunities I have to have some time to myself.

OP posts:
Allfur · 28/04/2024 21:03

What questions/conversation is allowed?

yoozer16427942 · 28/04/2024 21:03

iamreading · 28/04/2024 20:59

Why are people saying they’ve been ‘doing it all wrong’ re hairdressers? I’m not being an arse, I’m genuinely head tilting in bewilderment.

As in, I'd love to read while getting a haircut but didn't think that was socially acceptable! I hate making smalltalk and would love that time to just read or look at my phone or whatever.

mossylog · 28/04/2024 20:59

Kindleonfire · 28/04/2024 20:55

Please tell me you don't approach strangers with their head in a book and ask them what they're reading?!

Do you also annoy people with their headphones in (the universal sign to leave someone alone)?!

Show quote history

I usually leave people alone if they look like they want to be left alone, and certainly if they've got headphones in. But if I'm on a train or airplane next to someone who's reading a book that maybe I've read or seems interesting, I'd be happy to strike up conversation about it and I like it when people do the same to me.

It's a personality thing. Some people are incorrigible introverts, and that's fine. But it's not rude for others to try and broach conversation, just as it's not rude to disengage from conversation early and return to your book if you prefer.

Original poster
iamreading · 28/04/2024 20:59

Why are people saying they’ve been ‘doing it all wrong’ re hairdressers? I’m not being an arse, I’m genuinely head tilting in bewilderment.

OP posts:
GoodOldEmmaNess · 28/04/2024 20:58

You must have really insensitive hairdressers/work colleagues. I don't think I've ever had this problem.
Either the situation is one in which it is reasonable for there to be a bit of small talk, in which case I feel happy enough to say what I'm reading, or it's a more peaceful situation and there is mutual understanding that we are in our private brainspaces and can leave one another alone.

Notquitefinishe · 28/04/2024 20:57

yoozer16427942 · 28/04/2024 20:53

Wait... you can read while getting a haircut?! I've been doing hairdressers wrong!

Edited

Haha this is exactly what I'm thinking. I didn't even connect the dots someone was reading in the hairdresser's, just thought it was a general question like 'where are you going on holiday?'.

Kindleonfire · 28/04/2024 20:55

mossylog · 28/04/2024 20:44

It's just a bid for conversation and connection with you, no one is trying to be difficult. If you don't have anything interesting to say about the book, that's fine, you can use it as a jumping off point to talk about another more interesting book you've read recently, or to ask them about their reading habits or whatever. Just a bit of friendly back and forth, not rocket science.

Please tell me you don't approach strangers with their head in a book and ask them what they're reading?!

Do you also annoy people with their headphones in (the universal sign to leave someone alone)?!

Squirrelblanket · 28/04/2024 20:54

Someone's need for conversation doesn't usurp my want to be left alone while reading on my lunch break. I'm just minding my own business.

I actually don't mind chatting about books and tastes and getting recommendations. It's the interruption when I'm engaged in something else that's annoying.

lightinthebox · 28/04/2024 20:53

I’m an unsociable person at lunch and just want to read at work. If you can’t describe the plot of the book or why you’re reading it is it a book you’re enjoying? If not, find a different book.

yoozer16427942 · 28/04/2024 20:53

Wait... you can read while getting a haircut?! I've been doing hairdressers wrong!

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 28/04/2024 20:52

Friend of mine has a book mark which says something like 'fuck off and leave me alone - I'm reading'.

pasturesgreen · 28/04/2024 20:51

mossylog · 28/04/2024 20:44

It's just a bid for conversation and connection with you, no one is trying to be difficult. If you don't have anything interesting to say about the book, that's fine, you can use it as a jumping off point to talk about another more interesting book you've read recently, or to ask them about their reading habits or whatever. Just a bit of friendly back and forth, not rocket science.

Sorry, but if I'm reading the last thing I want is to engage in a bit of friendly back and forth.
Just leave me alone to read in peace.

Dolphinnoises · 28/04/2024 20:51

In the hairdressers they are probably obliged to make conversation. A quick “xyz by abc”. My hair appointment is the only time I get to myself to read it though! Then if their boss has a go afterwards at them cutting your hair in silence, they have a reason.

Mrsjayy · 28/04/2024 20:49

iamreading · 28/04/2024 20:46

But I don’t want to talk to them … I want to read! Grin

😂

Just grunt and shove the cover in their faces that will get the message through

MuddlingMackem · 28/04/2024 20:48

mossylog · 28/04/2024 20:44

It's just a bid for conversation and connection with you, no one is trying to be difficult. If you don't have anything interesting to say about the book, that's fine, you can use it as a jumping off point to talk about another more interesting book you've read recently, or to ask them about their reading habits or whatever. Just a bit of friendly back and forth, not rocket science.

Tough! If someone has their nose in a book that's a clue they're not in the mood for conversation! 🙄

ManorLord · 28/04/2024 20:47

mossylog · 28/04/2024 20:44

It's just a bid for conversation and connection with you, no one is trying to be difficult. If you don't have anything interesting to say about the book, that's fine, you can use it as a jumping off point to talk about another more interesting book you've read recently, or to ask them about their reading habits or whatever. Just a bit of friendly back and forth, not rocket science.

Not everyone wants to talk and “connect”

why do the wants of the sociable always trump the wants of the people who just want to be left alone?

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