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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I can hide this?

237 replies

Itstimeforbaileys · 28/04/2024 18:33

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂

My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people).

AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

OP posts:
Leonarda89 · 28/04/2024 19:38

Could you book a private scan before the spa day, I had one last time at 16 weeks and saw everything that I saw at my 20 week NHS one. That might make you feel comfortable enough to tell people and then avoid having to hide it?

Behindthescenesnow · 28/04/2024 19:38

Just cry off sick

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2024 19:37

Personally, I wouldn't go to a spa whilst pregnant, especially if you've never before, (not sure if you have), because I wouldn't want to risk any kind of allergic reaction to products they use. It's just not worth it.

VeryBusyDoingNothing · 28/04/2024 19:36

I found out I was pregnant the day before a spa weekend I had paid for for DH and I. All I could have was my nails done, I had to cancel my massage and watch on as he enjoyed the hot tub, steam rooms etc. I was very happy to be pregnant obviously but it was an absolute waste of time and money !! Id say I was sick of I were you

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 19:35

I think the wedding will be fine, just wear a nice floaty dress.
The spa day is going to be pretty difficult, maybe don't go to that

5128gap · 28/04/2024 19:35

It will be difficult at the Spa. When I've been there's been a questionnaire that asks about pregnancy. Then you'll be making excuses all day not to use the sauna, steam room, hot tub. If you really can't tell them then you'd be better crying off altogether.

ZipZapZoom · 28/04/2024 19:35

IncognitoUsername · 28/04/2024 19:32

My ADHD brain is spending far too long considering how you would even ride an octopus! Would it need a saddle?

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I don't even have ADHD and I've spent a few minutes pondering it 😅. I suggest using two of the legs like a seatbelt and tying yourself onto it. 🤣

Either way OP I would cancel. They will know, you can't use the facilities and you'll have a bump albeit small but they will all know.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2024 19:34

Itstimeforbaileys · 28/04/2024 19:28

Genuine question, other things such as?

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Facials, skin stuff, nail stuff, whatever the hell else they do at those places.

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 19:34

JennyTalworts · 28/04/2024 18:45

Good God, why all the cloak and dagger?

I don't imagine even the Virgin Mary went to these ridiculous lengths.

It's simply impossible to 'steal focus' from a bride and groom at their wedding, unless perhaps you turn up naked, riding an octopus.

Dint be insensitive, the OP may very likely have lost a pregnancy and has good reasons for hiding it. I lost a baby at 20 weeks and as a result didn't tell anyone about my DD until I was 22 weeks and the scan had shown she was fine.

Pallisers · 28/04/2024 19:33

I think you'll have to cancel the spa day - just get "ill" the day before.

Best of luck with the scan.

VioletMoonGirl · 28/04/2024 19:33

Tummy holding in cozzie. M&S do some great ones (tip for post pregnancy too). Clever outfits can be marvellous at hiding, or at least making people think “is she?” But at the early enough stage they’d be rude to ask, so won’t. Then keep your robe on or towel around you as much as possible. Can you have a headache that stops you using the hot tubs and steam rooms etc?

IncognitoUsername · 28/04/2024 19:32

dreamfield · 28/04/2024 19:28

If you turned up riding an octopus, even if you were naked I'm pretty confident that nobody would notice you're pregnant.

So maybe there's a strategy.

Show quote history

My ADHD brain is spending far too long considering how you would even ride an octopus! Would it need a saddle?

Pleatherandlace · 28/04/2024 19:31

JennyTalworts · 28/04/2024 18:45

Good God, why all the cloak and dagger?

I don't imagine even the Virgin Mary went to these ridiculous lengths.

It's simply impossible to 'steal focus' from a bride and groom at their wedding, unless perhaps you turn up naked, riding an octopus.

Naked and riding an octopus! Love it 🤣

dreamfield · 28/04/2024 19:28

JennyTalworts · 28/04/2024 18:45

Good God, why all the cloak and dagger?

I don't imagine even the Virgin Mary went to these ridiculous lengths.

It's simply impossible to 'steal focus' from a bride and groom at their wedding, unless perhaps you turn up naked, riding an octopus.

If you turned up riding an octopus, even if you were naked I'm pretty confident that nobody would notice you're pregnant.

So maybe there's a strategy.

Original poster
Itstimeforbaileys · 28/04/2024 19:28

Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2024 19:27

Why would you need to wear a swimming costume at a spa? You can't use any of the heated treatments anyway, so pick other things.

Genuine question, other things such as?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 28/04/2024 19:27

Why would you need to wear a swimming costume at a spa? You can't use any of the heated treatments anyway, so pick other things.

FourSteeples · 28/04/2024 19:26

Itstimeforbaileys · 28/04/2024 19:22

Thank you for the suggestions, for the ones suggesting that I don’t trust my mum or SIL, that’s simply not the case, and I absolutely don’t think I’d be stealing focus from a bride simply because I’m pregnant just to be clear 🙈

The main reason for all the “cloak and dagger” and the rude assumption that I’m going to “ridiculous lengths” is due to a the fact that I had to have a TFMR with my last pregnancy, due to my baby’s major organs not developing properly. This obviously hit me hard, but it hit my family hard too and I just simply cannot take their worries on board/be asked a million times if everything’s ok when I don’t know myself.

I can’t cancel the spa as my mum doesn’t know anyone else other than my SIL and it’s all SILs friends.

i appreciate entirely your reasons for concealing your pregnancy (mine were similar), but if you go, they will absolutely know. Tell your mother you’ve got a sickness but the day before and let her make her own decision about whether to go.

FourSteeples · 28/04/2024 19:24

If you want to continue to hide your pregnancy, you’re going to have to cancel the spa day.

I didn’t tell anyone other than DH, my midwife and my line manager till 19 weeks, but I was fully clad in winter clothes.

Original poster
Itstimeforbaileys · 28/04/2024 19:24

feelo · 28/04/2024 18:56

Exactly this. A spa along with a theme park is the most pointless places to pay to be if pregnant. Plus you’d have to disclose this to staff and find a way of doing it privately.

Just tell them. It’ll be 18 weeks by then, 14 days won’t make a difference.

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The extra two weeks will make a difference when I’ve had the anatomy scan at that point in time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Itstimeforbaileys · 28/04/2024 19:22

Thank you for the suggestions, for the ones suggesting that I don’t trust my mum or SIL, that’s simply not the case, and I absolutely don’t think I’d be stealing focus from a bride simply because I’m pregnant just to be clear 🙈

The main reason for all the “cloak and dagger” and the rude assumption that I’m going to “ridiculous lengths” is due to a the fact that I had to have a TFMR with my last pregnancy, due to my baby’s major organs not developing properly. This obviously hit me hard, but it hit my family hard too and I just simply cannot take their worries on board/be asked a million times if everything’s ok when I don’t know myself.

I can’t cancel the spa as my mum doesn’t know anyone else other than my SIL and it’s all SILs friends.

OP posts:
StealthMama · 28/04/2024 19:01

Pretty sure for health and safety you have to declare your pregnancy going into the spa.

If you're not having treatments then that's fine. But being in a swimsuit? Doubt it.

To be honest I'd be cancelling or reorganising the spa day if it's that important to you to keep the secret.

nutbrownhare15 · 28/04/2024 19:01

I'm not sure why you wouldn't tell your mum or sil, you can ask them not to make it public. If there are issues at the 20 week scan you will need support. It will also be pretty obvious when you don't use any of the spa facilities aside from the pool.

feelo · 28/04/2024 18:56

TeaKitten · 28/04/2024 18:43

Add on you can’t use the steam room or the hot tub really… it’s pretty obvious

Exactly this. A spa along with a theme park is the most pointless places to pay to be if pregnant. Plus you’d have to disclose this to staff and find a way of doing it privately.

Just tell them. It’ll be 18 weeks by then, 14 days won’t make a difference.

Homemadearmy · 28/04/2024 18:53

As other have said it may be possible. Have you also thought of what you would say if you are asked directly. I think id be quite upset if I asked my daughter and she didn't tell me. But I am close to my daughter and would wonder why she countnt trust me.

OrigamiOwls · 28/04/2024 18:48

The wedding yes, sounds doable.
The spa...unlikely.

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