To think I can hide this?

Personally I wouldn’t trust the spa to not mention it inadvertently. I would just chill in my robe the whole time and either have a verruca or a period that prevents going in the pool hot tub sauna etc not sure if you normally drink alcohol but you could make sure you’re the driver or be on antibiotics ( maybe for the verruca / foot infection) which means you can’t drink

Develop a last minute, Covid like but not testing positive, illness. Do not attend the Spa and leave Mum to be a grown up and make new friends with SIL.

Have the 20 week test and attend the wedding in a comfortable muted, deep to dark costume with a large
pashmina.

Don't tell anyone, no one will ask as that is rude.

Announce the pregnancy, if it is right to do so, the following weekend.

If all hell breaks out because you steal the bride and groom's thunder on the wedding day name the child after them.

I think your biggest challenge is going to be having the Spa staff not reveal it.

Even ringing ahead won't guarantee secrecy, I'm sure the PP who had this exact thing happen to her won't be the only one this has happened to.

You really need to think about how you'd feel if they spoil it? Personally, I'd be making a sickness bug excuse the day before.

Someone I know managed to hide their pregnancy at work from all colleagues until she went on maternity leave... She said "see you all in four months time" and they were confused and didn't realise. She's tiny as well so don't know how she hid it?

I think I could pull it off. People would just assume I am fat(ter).

Diet starts monday(every sunday night.)

I can understand your worries given your previous experience. I wanted to keep my pregnancy a secret due to previous losses however severe morning sickness took that away. Could you have a private early scan to check which would then mean you could tell people a little earlier.

I dunno, with my first pregnancy I didn't even realize I was pregnant myself until 20 weeks so I'm pretty sure no-one else realized. And I was a size 8 at the time.

Maybe tell your Mum because there's very little time left until the scan now? She can take it. She's your Mum!

Tell them you're not swimming as it's your time of the month.

After you've then told them the truth you can say it was because of the wedding situation.

@Georgethecat1 your sentence ‘no one should be asking even if they suspect’ is really a standard that should be applied to all pregnancies. Hoping you manage to have a different outcome in future though I can only imagine how scary it might be to try again.

@MabelTheCow you don’t sound like a cow at all but very caring! Nice to have people like you working in such sensitive areas.

@Khanga27 in that case you are just over halfway so hoping that you have had reassuring news at your recent scan and best wishes for the next few months.

Definitely worth calling then OP. The fetal medicine team at my local hospital love to help find happiness and relieve anxieties for their precious families where we can. You will get better continuity of care going through them than your community midwife team.

How would you feel about telling your mum and SIL prior if you’ve had a scan and know things are going to plan?

As a fellow TFMR I have thought about if we ttc again keeping the pregnancy a secret as long as possible (until birth if possible).

I completely understand your feelings. Make a comment at the start of the spa day that you ate a massive takeaway. No one should be asking even if they suspect. Wedding skater dressers work well

Don’t forget the boobs! I’m slim with a naturally small chest so it may not be the same for you if you are better endowed in that department, but it was my boobs that gave me away when I was pregnant and not wanting to tell people yet.

@arecklessmanor thankfully so far still okay, I’m now 22 and a half weeks. It was really bad at the time, I even said to receptionist i had asked for this to be kept secret and she just went “oh, it’s not in my notes”. I wish in hindsight I’d just told my friends beforehand but stressed it was early so not to be too excited.

I understand not wanting to tell anyone, my sister didn’t tell anyone at all until 24 weeks. Before then one of her clients, an old lady, congratulated her and asked when she was due. My sister just told her she wasn’t pregnant 🤦‍♀️, the poor lady was absolutely mortified 🥺. Most people know better than to ask but have you thought about what you’ll say just in case you do get questions?

I imagine your DM will take one look
at you in your swimming costume and know straight away. Wouldn’t it be best to tell just her and swear her to secrecy?

Why don’t you book a private scan? I had one at 13 weeks and it was way more detailed than the NHS 20 week one in terms of organ assessment etc, I had it alongside NIPT testing precisely because of the greater likelihood of picking up abnormalities earlier and having time to deal with it. Re spa, I don’t think there is any science behind not using the facilities, you don’t want to over heat but none says don’t have hot baths! Just take breaks, drink fluids, be sensible etc. facilities just say this as they don’t want the fallout of someone miscarring and blaming them. Equally I’m skeptics of the kid gloves re treatments. Just call them and explain and they’ll tailor treatment

Ah op I hope everything goes well for you, totally understand why you'd want to wait to announce.

I would probably feign a headache the day of the spa and then opt out of the hot tub/sauna/steam room due to the headache. I would ring ahead and ask to book something non pregnancy specific but that can still be done safely and just be really clear on the phone that the pregnancy is a secret. I would try to arrive before the others if you can to remind staff it's not to be mentioned. I think you'll need to see how you look and feel closer to the time, at 20 weeks there was no way I could have hid things but skirted swimsuit is a good option. Otherwise you call sick the day before and let your mum decide whether to go ahead or not. Or if you think it'll be obvious you could consider telling just her but being clear on your boundaries that you don't want to talk about it and you'll announce properly when you feel ready. Do you think she'd be able to keep the secret for you?

Why don’t you have a private wellbeing scan just before the spa and then tell them then?

One spa day I went to someone just wanted to sit by the pool and read a book. They weren’t pregnant, they just wanted to chill out.

Try tummy control swimsuits as they’re ruched. Also, sweaty Betty have a ruched one that looks like a little black dress.

Have a casual brush off in your back pocket, such as thinking you’ve food intolerances (wheat, milk, sugar - pick on) and are so bloated at the moment and quite self conscious about it (would double up saying you don’t want a sauna as you don’t feel great with the bloatingzz). Or say something like the swimmers are unflattering and laugh it off.

Best of luck with your scan.

@Khanga27 sorry that happened, so unprofessional of them. I hope the rest of that pregnancy went smoothly.

Although people are saying the OP could get a facial it’s worth mentioning to the beauty therapist doing it as some oils (clary sage?) are not recommended.

To the PP who was there for a group discussion of everyone’s health conditions that sounds awful and also very unprofessional if the venue.

@Itstimeforbaileys I would advise that it is possible the spa may leak this to your family if they have someone less trained on - this happened to me. I called in advance and asked explicitly for the spa to keep confidential and private as I was in my first trimester and hadn’t told friends yet. When we arrived the spa receptionist proceeded to go to me, “and we have here about your pregnancy”… it completely caught me off-guard and shook me up massively (id also had a loss a few months prior). They did give me a full refund for the day, but it didn’t feel like it compensated for them taking the control of who knew my news away from me. You may wish on that basis to share before the day to not have the same risk and upset when you’re there.

You could have a facial/something for your skin health, something you can leave your gown on for.
My mum knew though at like 6 weeks in - she immediately guessed when I didn’t drink coffee when we went shopping. I think people will guess at a 20 week bump.

I get your reasons for wanting to hide it. I take it you can’t explain that you want to have a peaceful pregnancy and don’t want to take on everyones worries, just focus on yourself.

It probably depends a bit on your size and whether you’re probe to tummy troubles. I have IBS and can tell you when it’s bad I look around 7-8 months pregnant (I used to say 6 months until I actually got pregnant and now have a frame of reference, although TBF I make small bumps).