To think I can hide this?

I totally understand your reasons. I really think you are going to have to opt out of the spa - even if you call and tell them it only takes one member of staff to accidentally say the wrong thing to give it all away and I'm sure that's not how you want your family to find out.

A few weeks down the line when you've had your scan and share your happy news your Mum will more than understand why you ditched her on the spa day.

I'm not sure why you wouldn't have a private scan and remove a lot of the angst about quietly telling your mum? To me that seems like the obvious solution.

Op please don't listen to nasty comments. People are ignorant and insensitive. I had a loss at 20 weeks. It doesn't mean you are automatically safe after 12 weeks. Do what suits you x

@Itstimeforbaileys am very sorry - I did ask MN to remove my post as it was inapprorpriate, but they’ve not done it yet. I missed a later post explaining your reasons and feel for you (had 5 miscarriages myself).

Can you book a private scan a couple of weeks early?

I'm 16 weeks pregnant and won't be telling anyone until 20 weeks. I lost a baby at 20 weeks last year. I can hide it in my dresses, but no way in a costume. I wouldn't go.

You're over-thinking the wedding in particular. You won't steal focus, and apart from a few "oh, I heard your happy news!" from the aunties, no one else will say a word.

As for the spa, there are quite a few facilities that they won't let you do as a pregnant woman. Personally, I'd tell mum and SIL, perhaps with the preface that they keep it to themselves for a few more weeks.

I hid my bump at work for 22 weeks. I wore loose tops or oversized cardigans.
I few people said afterwards that they suspected.

agree with this

You can click on See All to see her posts and why she has chosen this route. I chose a similar route when I was pregnant with DC - not telling people until we'd reached viability.

It's a nice idea to think that telling people would mean they'd be there to support you through any potential problems. That isn't reality for some people though. Some people would just end up being bombarded with everyone else's distress or drama, and would be better able to cope without that.

Dyra sorry to offend you. In a hurry this morning. I lost 50 percent of my pregnancies so have walked in those shoes but don't really understand when people set hard and fast rules that then make problems for themselves.

Congratulations! I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well. It's so stressful when you're pregnant after you've had to terminate for medical reasons, when that happened to me, I was at the obstetrician asking for a scan almost every other week, or as much as our health insurance allowed for (not in the UK), particularly during the weeks where things had gone wrong in my previous pregnancy.
Anyhow, I had a thought about those swimsuits, which mention "firm control". Is that a good idea for a pregnancy? Obviously to hide a big but not pregnant belly, it's fine but it just struck me, maybe not such a good idea to restrict a baby bump in that way? I don't know, I am not an expert. I've been googling to find a maternity swimsuit to suit your needs, but they all seem to be showing off the bump rather than hiding it!

Can you not just be ill on spa day? They’d have to be pretty thick not to spot it.

@Itstimeforbaileys

I managed to dress so nobody noticed a pregnancy until I was ready to tell them, after 24 weeks for most people. Longline outfits, layered with swishy cardigans/jackets worked well. I'd always been prone to wearing black, though, which probably helped. I wouldn't worry about a small bump at a wedding where you're a guest rather than one of the main people involved, even if someone notices a hint of bump, they won't have any issue with it.

I think I'd cancel the spa day, though. There's too many ways in which control of the information could be lost, you'd probably be really stressed all the time, and you wouldn't be able to do most of the things there. Your mum might be disappointed at the time, but would she be more disappointed to have you upset and stressed, or to watch you not doing any of the spa activities but not knowing why, or to find out about your pregnancy from a random staff member? Can it be rescheduled, or could you get a refund for your booking?

Sorry I haven't read the full thread as I'm dashing out but can you pay for a scan? If you can and can make the announcement earlier it would save a whole lot of stress.

I hope all goes well.

It's so easy to read OP's posts @Bouledeneige . There's a link saying "See All" on the bottom right of each one of her posts, that if you click it funnily enough shows each one of her posts. If you If you had taken a few extra seconds you might realise that yes, there is a reason relating to a previous pregnancy.

I would make an excuse. D+V is always a good one. Too many ways for your pregnancy to be revealed. There's the health and safety aspect, employees who forget, and strangers (both in your party and the spa in general) who wouldn't know your personal history and ask.

And never rely on clueless mothers. My mother is not the most observant person in the world. At her own father's funeral, she asked me to my face if I was pregnant. I was only 6-8 weeks with my second. I definitely wasn't planning on telling anyone that day, and was waiting for the 12 week scan. I was bloated yes, but I'm obese, so it wasn't obvious. Given she herself had a late miscarriage at 18 weeks, and I was waiting after my first pregnancy ended in early miscarriage, you'd think she'd be a bit more sensitive and tactful. But no. Not that time.

Be on your period. Wear a swimsuit but with a robe and sit by the pool with a robe all day. Just have the treatments where possible.

Could you accidentally "forget" your swimsuit on the day?

Well obviously it would be much easier to tell them. Why give yourself the problem - isnt it more work trying to hide it? Is this related to previous problem pregnancies or miscarriage? Theres a reason why people normally wait till 12 weeks and not longer. And even if something did go wrong wouldn't you want to tell people so they could support you through it?