To think I can hide this?

I'm currently a bit of a porker due to long covid and too much chocolate. I bought this recently and it is the most flattering swimsuit ever. I think it would be great at disguising a small baby bump. Definitely size up because there are several layers of fabric across the front and so there’s less stretch than usual. (Sorry if someone has already suggested this one, I’ve only skimmed the thread).

I do agree with a PP that the black one with the ruffles might actually draw more attention to that area - it almost makes the model look pregnant.

https://www.forluna.co.uk/product-page/emerald-green-retro-swimsuit

If you have the money I wonder if you should just book a private scan for a day or so before the planned spa day to check if everything is in order and if it is then you can be more relaxed about telling them your news if you feel you aren’t getting away with it on the spa day. You’ll likely need to declare you’re pregnant on forms you fill in for any treatments so if you want them to be discrete it might be worth letting the spa know that in advance.

sorry for your loss with your previous pregnancy.

Spas provide towels and most will have a selection of overpriced swimwear on sale in the lobby for just this reason.

Not wearing a swimsuit at a spa - if this is even allowed - is going to attract far more attention than having a bit of a tummy.

The usual way it works is that everyone changes into their swimwear and then puts a robe on whenever they are not actually in the water or in the sauna or steam room.

I'm not sure you'd even be allowed in to the spa area without a swimsuit on.

I also had a TFMR with my first pregnancy. With my second, it was pointless me trying to hide it as I had an obvious bump at 10 weeks. I also thought I'd be asked a million questions but they didn't. Everyone was very excited, believing the same couldn't happen twice. For me the 1% chance sounded high...
It's entirely your choice but if you go to the spa there's a chance they could find out. So maybe tell them both but ask they keep it secret for now, reassure them things are going good so far and you'll know more from 20 weeks.

Wishing you a peaceful pregnancy ❤

Hi OP - hope your pregnancy is going well.

I think you need to decide what usurps the other - the spa day or the scan, as you just simply won't be able to conceal your pregnancy in a swimming cossie. Also there will inevitably be 'weird' behaviour - not going in the steam room or hot tub together etc.

If the spa day usurps the scan you will need to tell DM & SIL
If the scan usurps the spa day - then don't go.

If you go to the spa day, I guarantee your DM & SIL will know. Do you think they will ask you? Of course if you are OK with that - fine. All you need to say is 'Yes. Please don't tell anyone as we haven't had the 20 week scan to see how it's going.'
If you don't think they are tactful enough to leave it at that and keep a secret, genuinely, just don't go.

If the scan goes OK, I would just tell people ASAP - particularly the family members who will be at the wedding. You won't be stealing limelight (potentially you would if you told them on the day). No one will care about a pregnant lady at a wedding that only 6 other people know.

Could you not arrange a private scan OP? I’ve had a number of unsuccessful pregnancies for similar reasons and I’ve found the investment in NIPT and regular private scans have given me some control over otherwise uncontrollable situations. Wishing you all the best with this one xx

As others have said, I think concealing your pregnancy in a robe would be easy, as would avoiding certain treatments. You can just say there are specific treatments you want, which wouldn’t leave time for the things you can’t have anyway. But being seen in a swimming costume would surely make your pregnancy obvious, especially to your Mum. I would maybe just try and keep very busy with other things, so when the pool/sauna/jacuzzi time came, you were off having a pedicure or needing the toilet of something. I wouldn’t fake illness, because that might draw attention to you. Just be happy, smiley, breezy, busy doing whatever is safe for you and involves keeping your robe on!

I agree with others about cancelling the spa day. I didn't tell people at work until 24 weeks (but I was on holiday for weeks 21-23) but that was with winter clothes and mostly working from home anyway. I don't think it would have been possible to hide it in swimsuit and also harder to hide it from family who know you well.

'Forget' to pack your swimsuit and towel .

I would honestly call off sick at the last minute for the spa. It’s for too complicated a situation to keep the pregnancy secret. It will be so stressful and you might have to lie on paperwork which isn’t a good idea at all.

I expected it to be 'Naked and riding on a donkey' after the Virgin Mary references.

Honestly I'd just tell them and say that you're keeping it quiet until after 20 weeks, and to respect your kind request for no questions etc. God forbid anything is wrong, you'd surely tell them anyway so they could support you? Speaking from experience, the worrying unfortunately does not disappear at 20 weeks.

As a fellow person who kept my last pregnancy secret until 20 weeks, (again for good reasons) you will struggle with the swimsuit. But the rest should be manageable with dressing gown, floaty tops etc.

I just wouldnt go swimming - just choose other treatments that dont require a swimsuit (like a facial etc). If family ask why youre not going in the pool, tell them youve got a deep cut at the top of your leg and you dont want it getting all wet etc.

private scan doesn't check for anomalies, it's usually just that the baby is OK on a basic level.

It's a risk they'll notice and ask/suspect. If you really don't want them to know, I'd cancel the day or do something clothed. Kindly, it's your mum - I can't even imagine keeping it from my mum, and I had a late miscarriage last year which she knows about. there's no guaranteed safe point of pregnancy.

Get a black onesuit swimming costume and mention before hand that you feel so bloated today after a massive meal night before.

Could you book in a private scan for the day before your spa day, have the reassurance and then tell your mum and SIL. Easy to hide at a wedding with a floaty dress or a wrap number.

Private scans aren't usually for anomalies, and the ones that are will cost £250+. Plus depending on previous issues/complications it makes sense to wait for your hospital scan.

Keep your robe on at the spa (make sure it's big enough to tie the belt up) and stay in the pool as much as you can.
For treatments, depending on what the spa offers you could have an 'Indian head massage' (bliss) a manicure and/or predicure, a facial, a neck or eyes treatment, eyebrow shaping or a Make-up demonstration and lesson.
Just keep away from the heated spa stuff.

One spa I go to has a heated rooftop pool where you can easily while away an hour or two enjoying the countryside views. It slso has a relaxation candle-lit pool, quiet spaces or rooms and several lounges with comfy sofas and ottomans.
Have fun.

Aren't private scans really just to see the baby and maybe find out the sex, as opposed to a proper obstetric scan which checks for foetal abnormalities?

OP, is there a reason why you can't, or won't get a private scan?

This depends on your family really. At the spa or wedding they may well guess but knowing what you’ve been through is anyone likely to ask outright? When pregnant with my second it was probably quite obvious I was pregnant due to not drinking at certain events, etc but I couldn’t be bothered to make up lies to cover it and nobody was rude or insensitive enough to ask me.

Yes but an empire line is the uniform of the pregnant or those with a larger stomach to conceal. If OP is fairly slim and suddenly starts wearing empire line dresses everyone will realise why.

Hi OP.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Spa day lover who successfully hid both her pregnancies until after the 20 week scan here.

Firstly, I would call the spa in advance and ask whether any of their treatments are suitable for pregnant women. You might be able to have, for example, a hand massage and manicure, with or without polish. Many women have proper manicures during pregnancy but some pregnant women prefer to avoid harsh chemicals like nail varnish and nail varnish remover; if that's your choice you can just have your nails and cuticles trimmed and buffed. Or they may have a pregnancy massage as an option.

If you're worried about an indiscreet member of staff accidentally revealing your pregnancy in front of the others, I would be tempted to fill out the information card as though you are not pregnant, and then when the others aren't looking you could always nip back and speak to a member of staff and explain that you're pregnant but the rest of the group don't know and you didn't want to risk it being revealed in front of them. You can then swap out a regular massage for a pregnancy massage, or whatever changes you need to make for your treatment to be pregnancy friendly.

Regarding the swimming costume, I wonder whether the one with the ruffles might make a small pregnancy belly pop out even more? I would probably just wear a normal swim suit in a size up from your normal size.

It should be fine to pop in and out of a jacuzzi for a few minutes. The reason they're not considered safe during pregnancy is because they are kept at a constant high temperature. You could have a warm bath at home and that would be considered safe because the water starts to cool immediately, so you only have the first few minutes when it's very warm. I went in my friend's hot tub for a few minutes a couple of times when I was pregnant. You just have to keep it to quick dips and don't let yourself overheat.

Presumably the spa will have a swimming pool which is heated to a normal temperature? If so you can just spend more of your time in there, maybe swimming lengths, which is absolutely fine during pregnancy and since your whole body will be under the water nobody will be looking at your tummy.

I would expect that upon arrival they will provide you with a robe and you can spend the whole time you're not actually in the water wearing that, which means nobody will be looking at your tummy or notice a bump.

Bring a book, magazine or Kindle and just find yourself a lounger and settle down to read.

Basically, just do what you can safely do and don't make a big deal of the fact that you're not doing the other things, and I bet nobody will notice. If anyone tries to get you to go in the sauna or steam room, just say you don't feel like it, or don't really like feeling overheated.

For the wedding, any dress which isn't too tight round the tummy should do the trick. If you are slim with good legs then you could go for something with a fairly boxy fit which is loose around your torso and shows off your legs. If you are more curvy then I would go for a maxi dress which is fitted round the boobs and then skims gently over your tummy all the way to the floor, with flat sandals for maximum comfort. You could wear a statement necklace or pair of earrings which will draw people's attention to your face and neck, meaning they are far less likely to be looking anywhere near your tummy.

You've got this!