To think I can hide this?

Itstimeforbaileys · 2024-04-28T17:33:07+00:00

For a multitude of reasons, we have made the decision not to tell anybody about my pregnancy until we’ve had the 20 week scan. I can successfully hide this day to day, but this is where the issue occurs.. I’m currently 17 weeks, and I’ve got a spa day planned next week where both my SIL and mum will be there. How the hell will I hide this? My bump is still small enough where i just look a bit bloated, my SIL has never seen me in a swimming costume before so for all she knows I could just normally look this way? I’ll probably get away with it with my mum as she’s not very observant 😂 My second issue is the timing of my 20 week scan, this happens the week before a family members wedding so I need to wear something where I can cover it up as I don’t want to steal focus (and this is one of the reasons why we’re leaving it so late to tell people). AIBU to think I can pull this off? I already don’t drink so that won’t cause any suspicion, it’s just my appearance that will give me away. Bonus points to anyone who can provide clothing options to successfully conceal!

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 22:45

Dogmum45 · 29/04/2024 21:33

I haven’t read all the comments but just the one with your reason to keep things quiet for now due to previous history.
I had to have a TFMR at 21 weeks and I totally get you.
We didn’t tell anyone about our next (& thankfully) successful pregnancy until we were way past the 12 week point and even then, it was only close friends/family. I managed to keep my pregnancy hidden until after my 20 week scan with everyone else.

Baggy clothes, under bust lined dresses/tops etc are your friend.
I went on holiday as 24 weeks and wore a bikini. Not one person we met asked if I was pregnant 🤣🤣🤣
Even the bar man on the beach kept asking if I wanted a cocktail and when I explained why I couldn’t have alcohol, he was shocked and said he had no idea!!!
I guess I just looked fat at that point.
It would depend on your frame If you can carry it off at 20 weeks but I certainly could.
Good luck OP. May the finish line be just amazing for you this time 💕 xx

So sorry to hear it happened to you too!

I’ve just tried a swimming costume I already have on and both my husband and I agree that I don’t look pregnant unless I’m slouching 😂

OP posts:

Dogmum45 · 29/04/2024 21:33

I haven’t read all the comments but just the one with your reason to keep things quiet for now due to previous history.
I had to have a TFMR at 21 weeks and I totally get you.
We didn’t tell anyone about our next (& thankfully) successful pregnancy until we were way past the 12 week point and even then, it was only close friends/family. I managed to keep my pregnancy hidden until after my 20 week scan with everyone else.

Baggy clothes, under bust lined dresses/tops etc are your friend.
I went on holiday as 24 weeks and wore a bikini. Not one person we met asked if I was pregnant 🤣🤣🤣
Even the bar man on the beach kept asking if I wanted a cocktail and when I explained why I couldn’t have alcohol, he was shocked and said he had no idea!!!
I guess I just looked fat at that point.
It would depend on your frame If you can carry it off at 20 weeks but I certainly could.
Good luck OP. May the finish line be just amazing for you this time 💕 xx

flippertyflipster · 29/04/2024 21:13

IAmTooOldFor · 29/04/2024 18:29

Appreciate your experience was different but I’ve done a couple of 16 week private scans including NIPT at a clinic in Harley Street. You better believe at £700 a pop they took longer than 30 mins!! They were extremely thorough and my overworked NHS obstetrician was grateful for the extra data they provided which allowed us to have the paeds neurology team on hand for an immediate review when this one pregnancy succeeded.

The NHS are wonderful but they are stretched thin so if you have a medical history which defies all the odds (in a bad way) then going to a specialist can be v.helpful. “In God we trust but for everything else give me data!”

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Yeah, same here. My NIPT scan was so so detailed and took ages it really put my mind at rest about various worries. When I went for the NHS one they said this will be the long one and it took about ten minutes and I’m sure they did a great job but I didn’t see my baby apart from at the end for about ten seconds and it was just tick,tick,tick bye bye and I didn’t feel as reassured so I don’t think it’s a bad thing to do both.

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 20:41

IAmTooOldFor · 29/04/2024 18:29

Appreciate your experience was different but I’ve done a couple of 16 week private scans including NIPT at a clinic in Harley Street. You better believe at £700 a pop they took longer than 30 mins!! They were extremely thorough and my overworked NHS obstetrician was grateful for the extra data they provided which allowed us to have the paeds neurology team on hand for an immediate review when this one pregnancy succeeded.

The NHS are wonderful but they are stretched thin so if you have a medical history which defies all the odds (in a bad way) then going to a specialist can be v.helpful. “In God we trust but for everything else give me data!”

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Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I could definitely go down that avenue, but the ones I could go to don’t offer that service, I think my only option really is to get in touch with fetal medicine earlier than they’ve advised me to.

OP posts:

category12 · 29/04/2024 20:21

Luckingfovely · 29/04/2024 07:25

I do feel for you and wish you all the best.

But I must point out that the black swimsuit with the ruffled front linked upthread is the most obvious thing I've ever seen. It would be more subtle to buy one that has I'M TRYING TO HIDE MY STOMACH printed on it in neon with sparkles. Possibly even flashing lights.

Hard agree, that ruffled swimsuit looks like a maternity wear swimsuit to me.

Jk8 · 29/04/2024 19:37

Prancingponies · 28/04/2024 18:37

Get a skirted swimsuit to go to the spa in? Extra fabric to hide the bump.

Fashion advice from the 1950's!

Just pull out if your uncomfortable

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 19:26

40weeksmummy · 29/04/2024 18:19

It could be. My friend got pregnant after 13 years (they even sold their house to afford private fertility treatment). She was trying her best to hide pregnancy at 18 weeks (her sisters wedding). But she's slim, size 10 and yes, when people saw her, she was definitely in the centre of attention. Her sister was very upset

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And this was my concern, because of the circumstances and the small amount of family members that will be there (who will also only know the bride and groom and no body else) I just don’t want to be a topic of conversation at all at a relatives wedding, I want it to be (rightfully so) just about the bride and groom. For the large majority, if I was pregnant or not, I wouldn’t be a topic of conversation, it’s just with those family members I’d need to consider.

OP posts:

IAmTooOldFor · 29/04/2024 18:29

WhyohwhyDIY · 29/04/2024 12:17

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, OP. Congratulations on your current pregnancy.

To all the well meaning posters recommending private scans instead. I've had many, many private scans at different gestations and all have said very plainly that they are not a substitute for the full NHS anomaly scan. With private scans, you get 10 minutes with a sonographer having a very quick look for obvious problems. The NHS scan is circa 30 minutes long and very, very detailed. Given OP's history - the private scan understandably won't cut it.

PP's idea re bringing anomaly scan forward is great. Best of luck OP!

Appreciate your experience was different but I’ve done a couple of 16 week private scans including NIPT at a clinic in Harley Street. You better believe at £700 a pop they took longer than 30 mins!! They were extremely thorough and my overworked NHS obstetrician was grateful for the extra data they provided which allowed us to have the paeds neurology team on hand for an immediate review when this one pregnancy succeeded.

The NHS are wonderful but they are stretched thin so if you have a medical history which defies all the odds (in a bad way) then going to a specialist can be v.helpful. “In God we trust but for everything else give me data!”

40weeksmummy · 29/04/2024 18:19

Toddlerteaplease · 28/04/2024 18:43

You are overthinking the wedding. It wouldn't take away the focus.

It could be. My friend got pregnant after 13 years (they even sold their house to afford private fertility treatment). She was trying her best to hide pregnancy at 18 weeks (her sisters wedding). But she's slim, size 10 and yes, when people saw her, she was definitely in the centre of attention. Her sister was very upset

Lavender14 · 29/04/2024 18:01

Also just wanted to say op, that in this particular situation I think it's totally fair and reasonable for you to do what you feel you need to, even if that means dropping out last minute. I think anyone reasonable would understand given your history. You don't need to tie yourself into knots worrying over this unless you genuinely want to attend. You're allowed to put yourself first here if it means protecting your mental health and avoiding a stressful situation.

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 18:00

PollyPeachum · 29/04/2024 17:52

I think I would dislike most, trying to hide a pregnancy but getting caught out out and the subsequent "Did she really think we were fooled" type remarks

Oh see that doesn’t bother me

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 29/04/2024 17:55

PollyPeachum · 29/04/2024 17:52

I think I would dislike most, trying to hide a pregnancy but getting caught out out and the subsequent "Did she really think we were fooled" type remarks

I know what you mean. We were invited to a friend's house for drinks a while back, and I noriced that their daughter had put on a bit of weight and wasn't drinking. I never said a word. A few weeks later my friend said that she was going to be a grandmother. I didn't say "I know" because she wouldn't have appreciated it, but people do notice these things.

PollyPeachum · 29/04/2024 17:52

I think I would dislike most, trying to hide a pregnancy but getting caught out out and the subsequent "Did she really think we were fooled" type remarks

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 17:46

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 29/04/2024 17:09

A "rough time" ? I thought posters had been kind, supportive and helpful - with suggestions and advice and sharing their own experiences

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The ones who haven’t have been reported and deleted, some absolutely vile comments have been made.

OP posts:

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 17:45

Sunnyday777 · 29/04/2024 15:40

I can’t believe you’ve had such a rough time on here @Itstimeforbaileys, considering your reasons for keeping things quiet until your scan. If you still want to go, I’d say I’d had a chest infection - I always get one after going to a spa, so if you’d had one before you wouldn’t want to make it worse by going in the sauna/steam room etc. Also antibiotics for it so you can’t drink. I’d buy a lovely floaty cover up and a black swim suit and I think it would be fine just to style it out. Don’t fiddle with your clothes though, makes it too obvious! At the end of day, we all know these are the normal excuses for people who are trying to hide a pregnancy but all you need to say is a firm no if anyone asks and hopefully that will be the end of the conversation! Oh and stick to treatments like mani/pedi if you don’t want to mention it to the staff.

Honestly, me neither 😂

I obviously expected for people to tell me they thought I was unreasonable thinking I could hide it, that’s fine. What isn’t ok, is the name calling, the rudeness and the ignorance of some people.

Thankfully, I have basically lived life like I’ve been pregnant since TTC my second pregnancy. I don’t drink, I only have one coffee a day, and would drink decaf after that, I already didn’t eat anything that isn’t recommended purely by chance. So none of these things would raise alarm bells with my friends and family thankfully. A firm no, if I’m asked is my plan with no further comment. I genuinely don’t know these people I’m going with, aside from mum and SIL, I’ve never been on holiday with SIL and I haven’t been on a holiday where a swimming costume is involved with my mum in about 15 years, I always wear baggy clothing in my day to day so I don’t think any of them have any idea what my body shape actually is 😂

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 29/04/2024 17:41

Also antibiotics for it so you can’t drink.

That old chestnut. No-one would believe it. Besides, the OP says she doesn't drink.

flippertyflipster · 29/04/2024 17:36

Leonarda89 · 28/04/2024 19:38

Could you book a private scan before the spa day, I had one last time at 16 weeks and saw everything that I saw at my 20 week NHS one. That might make you feel comfortable enough to tell people and then avoid having to hide it?

Yes, I did this too! I found out I was pregnant late and so missed the 8 week scan so went for a private NIPT scan at about 18 weeks and it was amazing. They had a huge screen and we were there for a good half hour, it was so in depth taking measurements and everything. I imagine just a regular scan would be similar with the screen and everything. I’d totally recommend it :-)

SoSo99 · 29/04/2024 17:17

In my first pregnancy my bump wasn't that big and I didn't tell most people until 22 weeks. No one had noticed (not that I was deliberately keeping it a secret or anything). I don't think it's possible to do this if you're going on a spa day though. Sorry. And good luck with everything.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 29/04/2024 17:09

Sunnyday777 · 29/04/2024 15:40

I can’t believe you’ve had such a rough time on here @Itstimeforbaileys, considering your reasons for keeping things quiet until your scan. If you still want to go, I’d say I’d had a chest infection - I always get one after going to a spa, so if you’d had one before you wouldn’t want to make it worse by going in the sauna/steam room etc. Also antibiotics for it so you can’t drink. I’d buy a lovely floaty cover up and a black swim suit and I think it would be fine just to style it out. Don’t fiddle with your clothes though, makes it too obvious! At the end of day, we all know these are the normal excuses for people who are trying to hide a pregnancy but all you need to say is a firm no if anyone asks and hopefully that will be the end of the conversation! Oh and stick to treatments like mani/pedi if you don’t want to mention it to the staff.

A "rough time" ? I thought posters had been kind, supportive and helpful - with suggestions and advice and sharing their own experiences

bradpittsbathwater · 29/04/2024 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at OP's request.

Op doesn't want to tell her family for various reasons which she has posted. Plus private scans aren't as detailed as the nhs anomaly scan. I just wouldn't go in her case though. Much easier!

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 29/04/2024 16:58

OssieShowman · 29/04/2024 04:50

I think you need to quietly tell your mother. Let her know the reason you don’t want a big fuss. And ask her to keep it to herself for just a couple more weeks.

This!

Swanbeauty · 29/04/2024 16:51

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

TinyTeachr · 29/04/2024 16:44

Easy enough to hide at a wedding with an empire line dress that shows some cleavage.... but at a spa? I can't see you getting away with it.

Could you book a private scan for a few days before the spa? It might not give you an absolutely certain answer, but I imagine that could see if things are developing as expected. I had fortnightly scans with my twins and they could see an awful lot about their development.

Original poster

Itstimeforbaileys · 29/04/2024 16:43

Khanga27 · 29/04/2024 15:47

Thank you @Itstimeforbaileys, and I’m so sorry for what you went through with your previous pregnancy. The reason why I reference is because in hindsight I wish I’d either found an excuse to get out of the spa day, or taken control and told my friends discreetly in advance. I completely get why you would want to keep things private until your scan and it is completely reasonable given your previous experience. However, I personally would not trust the spa staff to respect this and if the same happens to you then it will be a horrible situation for you to be in - much worse than either pulling out of the hen do or telling your mum and SIL discreetly, no matter how much you’re able to cover up with the right attire on the day.

Edited

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No I’m glad you did, as you would’ve expected given the multitude of different things that people may have to put on those forms that they may be more discreet! It’s not an angle I’d considered and certainly not a challenge I’d thought about having to overcome, so now I’ll definitely be more prepared, thank you.

OP posts:

bradpittsbathwater · 29/04/2024 16:41

I wouldn't wear tummy control clothing. I was in agony with the tights at 12 weeks. It's not good to restrict the bloodflow either.