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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude to this lady?

186 replies

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 17:43

I got on a bus yesterday with my DD who is six. She was wearing a backpack with not much in it so it was very light. The bus was quite full, mostly with older people who were sitting near the front. My DD sat down quickly next to an elderly woman as the bus was moving off and she was already getting jolted about. As she sat down I was saying "be careful with your backpack" but as the words were leaving my mouth the bag very lightly bumped the lady on the arm, literally just stroked it. She snatched her arm away, tutted loudly and gave my DD the filthiest look, like she was shit on her shoe.
Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.
At the next stop, her and her husband moved seatsto a few rows back but the entire 20 minute journey they both stared at me and DD with horrible sneery mouths, looked us up and down, whispered to each other and shook their heads. I also noticed another man sat near us thar kept looking from me to DD and shaking his head like we were doing something wrong. When we got off the bus I looked back and saw them both staring at us out of the window with the same expressions.
Was I rude or did they over-react?
I've always been very hot on manners with my kids so now I'm worried I set a bad example.

OP posts:
Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:21

BlancheSaysYes · 28/04/2024 18:18

She's probably been whacked by a kid with a backpack before and got a skin tear that took ages to heal - assuming she was properly elderly and not Mumsnet elderly aged 60.

No, she was old old. My mum is 66 and i don't consider her to be old. This lady was in her 80s at least.

OP posts:
Februaryfeels · 28/04/2024 18:21

stayathomer · 28/04/2024 18:06

They were awful, really awful and your poor dd but we’d need to hear your tone to know if you were being rude- you said firm, could have sounded rude? But they were terrible

Really awful to tut and pull her arm away?

Dreadful behaviour. String her up

BlancheSaysYes · 28/04/2024 18:18

She's probably been whacked by a kid with a backpack before and got a skin tear that took ages to heal - assuming she was properly elderly and not Mumsnet elderly aged 60.

itakemywhiskeyneaaaaaat · 28/04/2024 18:17

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:15

You may be right but you ahpuld have seen the LOOK she gave my sweet girl. She wasn't hiding her feelings at all.

Yeah but by telling her off you basically made her dig her heels in.
Anyway, it's over, forget about it.
They must have such little lives to overreact over a minor incident. You don't want to be in the same category by constantly thinking about it.

Rosestulips · 28/04/2024 18:17

ManchesterBeatrice · 28/04/2024 18:09

Hmmmm, yea, another one wondering what their take would be 🤣

My elderly mother and father decided to take up two double seats on the bus and They got annoyed when a small child nearly tripped up when the bus started moving and couldn’t get her bag down on time so she sat down on the free seat next to my Mum.

The child’s bag accidentally brushed Mum’s arm, 6 year old was unaware and even though her Mum had reminded her to be careful my Mum decided to lose her temper even though it wasnt deliberate, and didn’t hurt. She just doesn’t like children.

Dad could have sat next to her but preferred his option of manspreading on the next seat.

They took offence when child’s Mum defended her, they then moved and begrudgingly sat next to each other. They then made Mum feel uncomfortable for the remainder of the journey

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:15

itakemywhiskeyneaaaaaat · 28/04/2024 18:12

I'm torn on this one. No matter how elderly etc you are, you can't expect delicate treatment on public transport. It's often rough and overcrowded. And she was rude to make a huge fuss.
However you escalated the situation. Why couldn't you have added a sorry at the start of end of your sentence?

I get that your protective instincts kicked in seeing your daughter glared at by a stranger but I'd have apologised anyway. You catch more flies with honey and being overly sweet and apologetic would have made her feel bad, not what you said.

You may be right but you ahpuld have seen the LOOK she gave my sweet girl. She wasn't hiding her feelings at all.

OP posts:
muggart · 28/04/2024 18:14

They sound mean and grumpy, don't waste your emotional energy worrying about this. Life is too short.

Februaryfeels · 28/04/2024 18:13

Moveoverdarlin · 28/04/2024 17:56

Glad you called her out. You weren’t rude at all. She’s just pissy you spotted her tutt.

Did she wet herself ? Missed that

funinthesun19 · 28/04/2024 18:13

OhHelloMiss · 28/04/2024 17:51

Why did a separate passenger ALSO get offended?

Chip on their shoulder about mothers and children breathing the same air as them in public is my guess.

itakemywhiskeyneaaaaaat · 28/04/2024 18:12

I'm torn on this one. No matter how elderly etc you are, you can't expect delicate treatment on public transport. It's often rough and overcrowded. And she was rude to make a huge fuss.
However you escalated the situation. Why couldn't you have added a sorry at the start of end of your sentence?

I get that your protective instincts kicked in seeing your daughter glared at by a stranger but I'd have apologised anyway. You catch more flies with honey and being overly sweet and apologetic would have made her feel bad, not what you said.

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:12

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 28/04/2024 18:10

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

The lady probably reacted a little harshly, but you or your daughter should absolutely have apologised. My kids have known since they were old enough to carry a backpack that you take it off and hold it in front of you on public transport so you don't inadvertently hit anyone with it.

This is far but we were caught by surprise when the bus move off so quickly. We didn't have a chance to get "settled". Either way, it was an accident

OP posts:
OhHelloMiss · 28/04/2024 18:11

Middle finger? When your child is with you to witness it?

Classy

StormingNorman · 28/04/2024 18:11

Big response to something so minor. This is a them problem not a you problem.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 28/04/2024 18:10

Six of one, half a dozen of the other.

The lady probably reacted a little harshly, but you or your daughter should absolutely have apologised. My kids have known since they were old enough to carry a backpack that you take it off and hold it in front of you on public transport so you don't inadvertently hit anyone with it.

Katemax82 · 28/04/2024 18:10

raspberryberet7 · 28/04/2024 17:46

They over reacted I would've given them a cheerful smile and wave as I left the bus!

A middle finger would suffice

ManchesterBeatrice · 28/04/2024 18:09

Hmmmm, yea, another one wondering what their take would be 🤣

IncognitoUsername · 28/04/2024 18:08

This story will be on here later -
’My elderly mum was on a bus yesterday, after having a blood test and a child sat next to her and caught her arm with a bag. The child’s mum didn’t say sorry and spoke harshly to my mum. Mum and dad moved seats but this women spent the rest of the journey staring at us. Mum was really upset’.

A smile and a sorry would have ended the matter.

NinaPersson · 28/04/2024 18:07

The woman overreacted massively, as are some people in this thread saying you child jostled the old woman

It wasn’t deliberate or rough, don’t worry about it. You didn’t have time to react or get daughter to take bag from her back.

Just bare it in mind for next time.

ScroogeMcDuckling · 28/04/2024 18:07

The older you get, the little knocks really bruise and stay for weeks.

What we wouldnt feel at 30, can really hurt at 60

Bournetilly · 28/04/2024 18:07

YANBU at all. Even if your voice came across as rude she was rude first and deserved it.

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:07

toomanyy · 28/04/2024 17:49

Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.

YABU. Your daughter did jostle her and you don’t know, it could have been harder than you thought.

You should have apologised.

You sound like the people who justify their kids kicking the seat in front because ‘they don’t mean it’.

In 10 years of taking public transport with kids I have NEVER let them kick the back of anyones seat. I also teach them to keep their voices low and we always give up our seats for people that need them more. Basic manners.

OP posts:
chaticat · 28/04/2024 18:07

stayathomer · 28/04/2024 18:06

They were awful, really awful and your poor dd but we’d need to hear your tone to know if you were being rude- you said firm, could have sounded rude? But they were terrible

I agree. Without hearing it we can't tell

DoreenonTill8 · 28/04/2024 18:07

FuzzyPuffling · 28/04/2024 17:48

I wonder what her take on the story would sound like?

I think your DD should have taken her backpack off before she sat down, and held it on her lap.

Well yes.. come on @Patchymum your 6 yo dd with a wee back pack is really your 21yo para son who totally rugby tackled the other passenger with full 100lb army bergen isn't it? 😆
Agree with the 'behave' for some posters, what on earth else would have happened?!

Mariannas · 28/04/2024 18:06

The second passenger also thinking you were unreasonable probably suggest you were.

stayathomer · 28/04/2024 18:06

They were awful, really awful and your poor dd but we’d need to hear your tone to know if you were being rude- you said firm, could have sounded rude? But they were terrible