Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was I rude to this lady?

186 replies

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 17:43

I got on a bus yesterday with my DD who is six. She was wearing a backpack with not much in it so it was very light. The bus was quite full, mostly with older people who were sitting near the front. My DD sat down quickly next to an elderly woman as the bus was moving off and she was already getting jolted about. As she sat down I was saying "be careful with your backpack" but as the words were leaving my mouth the bag very lightly bumped the lady on the arm, literally just stroked it. She snatched her arm away, tutted loudly and gave my DD the filthiest look, like she was shit on her shoe.
Had she not done this, the next words out of my mouth would definitely have been an apology but instead I said "she's six years old, she didn't mean it" in a firm voice which I didn't raise.
At the next stop, her and her husband moved seatsto a few rows back but the entire 20 minute journey they both stared at me and DD with horrible sneery mouths, looked us up and down, whispered to each other and shook their heads. I also noticed another man sat near us thar kept looking from me to DD and shaking his head like we were doing something wrong. When we got off the bus I looked back and saw them both staring at us out of the window with the same expressions.
Was I rude or did they over-react?
I've always been very hot on manners with my kids so now I'm worried I set a bad example.

OP posts:
BIWI · 28/04/2024 18:52

I must check my emails again, as I don't seem to have seen the one instructing me to be rude to younger people.

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:51

BIWI · 28/04/2024 18:49

And I'll ask you again @Patchymum, why is her age relevant?

I'm sorry, I missed the first time you asked the question.

Her age is relevant for all the reasons people other than me have already stated. Perhaps lightly brushing her qrm withba backpack is more damaging to an older person who is likely frailer than someone in their 30s.

I was trying to be fair and give all the facts.

OP posts:
5128gap · 28/04/2024 18:50

Goodness me. These older ladies! Three threads all posted within minutes of each other about 'older ladies' being rude on buses, being rude about dogs and rude about football! I wonder if it's the same 'older lady' or just coincidence?

BIWI · 28/04/2024 18:49

And I'll ask you again @Patchymum, why is her age relevant?

NinaPersson · 28/04/2024 18:48

SevenSeasOfRhye · 28/04/2024 18:42

It was clearly enough of a bump for the OP to notice it. If the daughter hadn't noticed, the lady's reaction made it obvious, and she should have apologised.

OP noticed it because she was watching her child.

OP responded in firm manner, the old woman sounds awful.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 28/04/2024 18:47

Were they The Twits?

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:46

SevenSeasOfRhye · 28/04/2024 18:42

It was clearly enough of a bump for the OP to notice it. If the daughter hadn't noticed, the lady's reaction made it obvious, and she should have apologised.

I was literally stood right there, less than a foot away from them both and watching my child the whole time, of course I noticed.

OP posts:
Shootingstars999 · 28/04/2024 18:45

The elderly lady would have got my back up too with her crabby attitude .
YANBU. She could see she was a little girl and it was not done on purpose.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 28/04/2024 18:42

WildBear · 28/04/2024 18:35

If it only brushed her, her daughter probably didn't even realise! It was a MASSIVE overreaction, probably from two people who's brains aren't wired right and you can't legislate for people like that.

It was clearly enough of a bump for the OP to notice it. If the daughter hadn't noticed, the lady's reaction made it obvious, and she should have apologised.

PotatoPudding · 28/04/2024 18:42

If someone looked at my child like they were shit on their shoe for very obviously doing something unintentional, I would have called them out on it.

FuzzyPuffling · 28/04/2024 18:41

saraclara · 28/04/2024 18:35

Neither of you travel on buses, do you? They set off while you're still standing in the aisle. There's no way for a six year old to safely take off a backpack when the bus is pulling away.

You can take your backpack off before you get on the bus, perhaps while waiting at the bus stop, and hold it by one strap. Still got one hand free to hold on.

Apollo365 · 28/04/2024 18:39

YABU for not laughing in their sneering faces. People forget kids are kids sometimes.

funinthesun19 · 28/04/2024 18:37

Maybe next time they get on a bus they will sit together instead of taking up 4 seats.

WildBear · 28/04/2024 18:35

SevenSeasOfRhye · 28/04/2024 18:23

You escalated the situation, but really, it's your daughter who should have apologised - you need to teach her that if she jostles someone with her belongings, she should always say a quick 'sorry'. At six, she is old enough to remember this.

Most people would apologise automatically, even if it was clear no injury had been caused. I bet if your daughter had said 'sorry', the lady would have said 'that's all right' or similar and thought no more of it.

If it only brushed her, her daughter probably didn't even realise! It was a MASSIVE overreaction, probably from two people who's brains aren't wired right and you can't legislate for people like that.

saraclara · 28/04/2024 18:35

OhHelloMiss · 28/04/2024 17:50

This!!

Neither of you travel on buses, do you? They set off while you're still standing in the aisle. There's no way for a six year old to safely take off a backpack when the bus is pulling away.

WoodenLlama · 28/04/2024 18:34

It seems the most significant parts of this exchange were all communicated in facial expressions and body language.

I'm ND and I always worry that I might be looking at people like they're something on my shoe, or looking at them like they're doing something wrong, or looking them up and down, completely by accident.

WildBear · 28/04/2024 18:33

If they'd been staring at me after I got off the bus, I would have given them the middle finger and mouthed fuck off. Without child seeing of course.

JMSA · 28/04/2024 18:31

I don't know how people like that get through life! My response would have been 'don't worry about it', with a smile and a shrug.
You just got unlucky.

Luxell934 · 28/04/2024 18:30

From your post she was unreasonable in her reaction but who knows how it actually went down. Especially when you say another man, not even involved in the situation started to give you both looks. This seems very telling.

You 100% should have apologised for your daughter though or asked her to say sorry to the lady. That’s just good manners.

NinaPersson · 28/04/2024 18:27

Was your child rough? If she wasn’t she definitely didn’t jostle her.

She just didn’t like giving up the free eeat next to her

Was I rude to this lady?
Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:25

SevenSeasOfRhye · 28/04/2024 18:23

You escalated the situation, but really, it's your daughter who should have apologised - you need to teach her that if she jostles someone with her belongings, she should always say a quick 'sorry'. At six, she is old enough to remember this.

Most people would apologise automatically, even if it was clear no injury had been caused. I bet if your daughter had said 'sorry', the lady would have said 'that's all right' or similar and thought no more of it.

She probably would have done but I think she felt quite intimidated

OP posts:
PurpleChrayn · 28/04/2024 18:24

Miserable auld gits.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 28/04/2024 18:23

You escalated the situation, but really, it's your daughter who should have apologised - you need to teach her that if she jostles someone with her belongings, she should always say a quick 'sorry'. At six, she is old enough to remember this.

Most people would apologise automatically, even if it was clear no injury had been caused. I bet if your daughter had said 'sorry', the lady would have said 'that's all right' or similar and thought no more of it.

Patchymum · 28/04/2024 18:23

Februaryfeels · 28/04/2024 18:21

Really awful to tut and pull her arm away?

Dreadful behaviour. String her up

It was more the look of utter disgust she gave my DD.
DD looked at her when she tutted and snatched her arm away and saw this woman looking back at her, down her nose with total contempt, like she was something she had stepped in and not a small child. That's what got my back up, along with the tut and arm snatch.

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 28/04/2024 18:22

Far too much staring, sneering, tutting, whispering and looking at your 'sweet girl', and then a stranger joined in.

Something's not adding up somewhere but it's done now, nothing you can do about it.