Was I rude to this lady?

No I don’t think you did anything wrong, people really do expect children to act like little adults and be silent and respectful etc etc. It’s quite depressing really!

We went on a bus today with my 3 children and I’m sure they were louder than most people would appreciate, despite my reminders of keeping their voices down. But you know what they’re young and excited and I’m getting to the point where I don’t give a shit what anyone else thinks because they’d find a problem whatever I did!

You should have given them the middle finger. I would!!!

They just sound like horrible, rude, sneery people and I've had stared them down if they'd been giving me dirty looks.

Well OP you’re telling it from your biased side. A backpack stroking someone’s arm would be unlikely to get that reaction so that coupled with you knowing you had to warn your child means it probably hit the woman harder than you’re letting on.

If another person not known to either of you was shaking their head at you then maybe that’s a sign the way you spoke to her was unnecessary and it was loud enough/had a tone to it that got others around to hear/notice it.

She didn't give me a chance to apologise.

You didn't have time for a one word "Sorry" but you did have time for "She's six, she didn't mean it"? The moving seats/20 minutes of dirty looks was probably more of a reaction to you than your DD. Maybe her initial reaction was OTT but it's not like she shouted or even said anything.

You unsettled the settled

Of course you should have apologised.

It sounds like a lot of over-reacting all round, but what you said to the woman was rude and that’s probably what irritated the other passenger.

Still, no real harm done - no need to worry about it.

I’d have said much worse, but I am an arse

No, the way she was treated by not receiving an apology.

I think you knew you were in the wrong. Sometimes, when we know we’re wrong we get defensive and we don’t react as we should. We lash out.

You were being rushed to sit down, the bus had left, you weren’t steady and your daughter was about to fall. You were already flustered and then you were telling her to be careful but it was too late. You know your daughter has done wrong, which is why you would have normally apologised. Instead you saw the woman’s glare and got defensive and lashed out.

It’s not an overreaction on her part. If someone sits too close to you on public transport, you’re going to glare at them. If you encroach on their space, you’re going to get glared at. No matter whether that’s a backpack catching your arm, your coat in their space. That’s the same for any age. The overreaction is from you, I think because you were flustered getting on the bus and it moving off and not having enough time to tell your DD to be careful. So you do look really rude because to every other passenger, you’ve not told your daughter to be careful, flung yourselves down next to an older couple. Then when she tutted and gave you a look, so didn’t verbally do anything, you lashed out with “she’s only six” and therefore the insinuation that it’s fine to bump into people because she’s young.

Bus wankers.

This thread really is bringing out a dreadful want of manners in some posters.

Of course you apologise to someone you've bumped as you're sitting down - or apologise on behalf of a child in your care if they didn't notice. I can't believe people are questioning this.

Instead we have people who sound like they're auditioning for a part in EastEnders talking about 'calling out' the injured party for daring to exhibit some displeasure at the inconsiderate way she was treated.

Would you say a 6yo struggling when a bus pulls off and not quickly processing her mother’s warning is inconsiderate?

Quick quick!! Answer now @Patchymum 🫡

Actually I don't choose to go round holding my arm in case someone inconsiderate knocks it. They are the ones who should watch what they are doing.

The old woman was rude and mean to a 6yo struggling as a bus pulled off so forfeited her apology. Woman must have heard the words you were saying about take care with backpack so knew it was an accident from an unaware child, rather than an inconsiderate mother.

bullshit did she have any pre existing arm injury - you protect an injury with your other hand as you are so scared of it getting hurt. I did this for months.

there are unfortunately people in the world who have so little to do or think about that they need to get silly about non-events to fill their time. It’s a shame they don’t actually help people as there are so many in our society struggling with all sorts of stuff.

I have arthritis in my right arm and hand and I'm younger than her. What might seem like a slight thing to you might have been very painful to her. You should still have apologised.

If you know she was staring at you for 20 minutes were you staring at her for 20 minutes?

To be honest you don't know her, it might just be her resting bitch face.

But you didn't say any of that. You just said that she was elderly. Other people have said those things.

Without that information, your post was ageist. Unnecessarily.

It wasn't

It's mumsnet though...

Ooooh

And they would likely 'call you out' back

Then what?

In front of your kid? Classy!

Some people are just grumpy. It's a 6 year old child, so unfortunately these things are going to happen despite your best efforts!

If the woman reacted like that without giving you a chance to apologise, I probably wouldn't have bothered either.