Was I rude to this lady?

Februaryfeels
Of course it was awful to tut before she pulled her arm away, the op’s dd didn’t push her arm out of the way, she accidentally hit against her!!!

They're miserable fucks but their lives are probably pretty sad and small, so I wouldn't overthink it

All these people saying OP's child might have hurt her.. she didn't grab her arm and say "ow" or similar, did she? She tutted and glared at a child. She was clearly just grumpy at being accidently touched. Which is silly because it's public transport and shit like this happens all the time.

Yep, me too.

She may have over-reacted but you really should have shown your daughter a good example by apologising regardless.
You don't know if it may have hurt the woman, sometimes something that seems innocuous can catch you wrongly and hurt more than expected but, instead of being pleasant you went on the attack. What kind of example is that to a child?
I suspect that, if you had apologised, the aftermath would have been far less unpleasant for all concerned too.

I do understand that, I meant that they know to take it off before getting on.

Anyhow, no harm done, I really wouldn't dwell on it a moment longer.

YABU

You don't know how hard your DD hurt her. She could have been ND. Im autistic and even a light touch would bother me.

Agree with PP who says adults and children don't realise how problematic their backpacks are.

I think you sound a bit paranoid and over thinking. You don’t know that anything they were doing was about you. Beyond the tutt, the rest is all your own fabrication. You’re getting very carried away. I clicked imagining someone swore or was saying stuff. Literally nothing obvious

But you didn't give her age. You just described her as 'elderly'. Only later on did you suggest that she might be older than 80. Following on from other posters' posts.

Your daughter's age was obviously relevant, as you were portraying her as an innocent child.

Of course people have different upbringings and experiences. But I don't think in this case that's at all relevant. Your daughter - totally unwittingly, I get that - hit this woman on the arm. And you have done everything you can to make it about the woman rather than your daughter. And blamed it on the woman for being old.

So many posts on Mumsnet seek to blame older women. It's just not acceptable. It's ageist.

Ageism is what I was referring to. And I'm old, I wear purple a lot, and bang my stick along the railings.

Someone will get it.

Your daughter's bag hit an old lady OF COURSE you should have apologised regardless of anything else.

She’s a mean-spirited cow OP. You know that so don’t let people on here validate her nasty behaviour to your DD. I’d say you should have ignored her but I would have done exactly the same.

What I would say is that maybe she was depressed or in pain. No one happy reacts in that way. A happy person would have smiled and said “Hello darling” to your DD or something like that. It isn’t an excuse but I find it helps me to think like that so that I don’t react.

Most people have the luck to get old/elderly, doesn't mean you have to become grumpy and fussy!

Older, elderly, fussy, grumpy hmmmm. Don't get old anyone, anytime soon ya hear me?

I don't think you were particularly rude, just stating a fact, I think she was rather rude

I would have probably done the same

Sometimes I think though, wouldn't it be nice if I was the kind of person who always saw the good in people and managed to empathise with the lady and turn the situation round. But then I think, I'm glad I'm the kind of person who stands up for my daughter and shows her how to stand up for herself.

Not rude enough

I reckon it was probably because there were seats further back and the seats at the front are for elderly people. You should have sat further back. What looked like a light touch to you could have felt much harder on her delicate skin. Sitting in the seats for elderly/disabled people and not even saying a sorry when you bumped an old woman is why the other passengers were annoyed

I had a little one run in the back of trolly bag on his scooter bike.
I gave No dirty looks just oohh you ok little man.
Mum comes running with shouting as she runs im so sorry sorry about that.
I just stood smiling no harm done his he ok.
And off he went again.
And a girl about you childs age nearly fell over on a bus i was on i grabbed her her dad said oh thank you he had a lot of bags.
Told him you need a trolly bag nice chat with him and on my way i went.
Im soft tho love a nit nat .

Why were her and her husband sitting separately? Odd they were sat apart, then sat together further back….

YABU only because I would have moved myself and my child further down the bus at the next appropriate opportunity rather than maintain a seat at the front. That may have formed part of the tutting from the couple. I agree that it sounds like she overreacted to the initial accidental contact though.

I detest buses for moving off before people are seated, particularly for the vulnerable and elderly as its such an avoidable risk.

I'd have gone the other way
"Oh my goodness, are you hurt dear, are you ok? Can I get something for you? I am so very sorry"
then to DD in a stage whisper "You must be more careful. When people get very old they often have conditions that make things hurt a lot more than you would expect."
Then back to the old woman "I am so so sorry, can I get you anything. Are you ok" very kind patronising smile.

OP's interpretation of the woman's expression is doing an awful lot of heavy lifting here. For all any of us know, the woman could just have resting bitch face and the whole thing is massively exaggerated by OP.

Bullshit do people constantly protect something like an arthritic arm by holding it. It's impossible to function like that.

This. This is what you should have said . Who cares if she's 6? Now sure what relevance that has.

Maybe there was a reason why her arm was particularly sensitive and your daughter caused her real pain? It's quite hard to hide those sort of feelings. I really don't understand why you didn't apologise.

Your take on the story they are obviously unreasonable but they may have a different story