How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

They won’t suddenly become perfect little tidy people and frankly, letting her stay would be a huge error after the way she’s spoken to you, zero respect about living in your house for free!

You are ridiculous to believe that anything will change.

Sorry op, but they need to leave. I know it's not black and white with your children, but I let my dd1 abuse our family terribly whilst she played the victim because of her youth. She was pregnant at 15, 17, 18 all different dads. Her partying and drinking were out of control and we looked after the babies because we were afraid for their safety. If we did not, the abuse was horrendous. She left for a while and had a nice house provided for her but she destroyed it and was thrown out so we took her back. I should make it clear the children remained with us by court order.

I tell you this because she was fine initially but very quickly returned to type, but worse than ever this time.

Your son's gf has shown you who she is. How dare she abuse you like that in your own home. She absolutely must go. I know through bitter experience. If it is this bad this soon, it will only escalate. Please have the strength to not give them a second chance.

My gs's gf stays with me regularly and they are not tidy. But she is appreciative, friendly and regularly thanks me for meals or allowing her to stay. That is the difference.

I am so sorry you are going through this and I just wish some of us could be by your side right now.

What worries me most of all is the "history of violent outbursts". That is completely out of order for a start. I think the first step is to mention this to the police and that you want them to move out.

I do not know what the police will say, but they may even offer to come round when you tell them. I suppose it depends if they have any special priority for such particular cases.

If you just want rid of them, you can change the locks and give them NO notice whatsoever. Maybe that is extreme, but I think you should think of YOU first of all.

Alternatively, maybe a gentle suggestion that "you think they need their own space and would be much 'happier' living according to their own rules, rather than with an old 'fuffy-duddy' like me"? They MAY start to change their ways. In any case, you have started the ball rolling.

Good luck xxx

So she hasn't apologised yet?

An apology from your son alone simply isn't good enough.

Unless a whole hearted, sincere apology is received directly from her within the next 48 hours, I would still give notice to her.

If your son chooses to go with her, that is his choice.

She most certainly needs to go.. but I personally would give my son another chance. It doesn't sound like he'll take it but at least you'll know you did. I could never turn my back on my child.

Put up with crap and you’re going to get more crap.

OP You are putting all the blame onto the Gf and making excuses for your darling boy, except he is not your boy, he is a grown man that is abusive. No doubt you will always excuse his behaviour and he will still be living rent free and causing you harm in your home this time next year. That is your choice.

Be strong op. They’ll treat you how you let them.

Absolutely this op^^. Please be very careful.

I’m worried that someone who thinks if is ok to call the person who is giving them free lodging, vile, horrible, unrepeatable names is capable of something much worse, especially if she hasn’t felt the need to apologise to you in person?

And sorry but your son sounds like he is a potential physical danger to you. By forgiving them so quickly I am worried that you have in effect said “it’s ok to abuse me” and the next time will be much worse because they have got away with it once.

Are you alone with them in the house? If they are under the influence of drugs this could go very wrong as your financial support may be enabling them to buy more and get deeper in to addiction. Have you evidence of their savings?

What are the realistic chances that this situation will improve op, seriously?

If I were you I would be inviting a strong friend or family member to move in with you to even up numbers.

Change the locks
bag their stuff up(do not check it out)
write them a letter for local authority that you’ve told them to go
They present to HPU as homeless
consider getting a mate to stay over to support you for a few days

Tell her her time of sponging off you is done and to leave tomorrow. If your son goes with her then so be it

Make it clear now that if they can't stick to the agreement, they have 24 hours notice to leave.

No OP she needs to leave. If you want to be incredibly reasonable you say that if she behaves she can stay a month to sort herself out.
If she is rude to you once more she will leave immediately

I have no advice just to say that I really feel for you. It must be awful to be treated like that in your own home. I am happy for you that your son apologised and promised to do better. I wish you so much luck moving forward.

Ridiculous suggestions of giving them 3 months (!!), a month, two weeks or however long to get their shit together. They're not going to change their attitude and suddenly become respectful. It's a pattern for them which does not change overnight.

1st of May is coming up OP, most rentals come up per month. Tuesday is long enough for them to get their shit together and for you to reclaim your house.

What a pair of nasty entitled shit bags...i have 2 sons aged 25 and 26 and if they treated me like this their arses would be out of my door so fast their feet would'nt touch the ground...come on Op find your anger and kick these 2 freeloading shits out of your home.

Christ, my next door neighbour is enabling this with GRANDCHILDREN, smoking weed etc etc. the children came to live with her because the daughter is a fuck up and incapable, she is now ignoring shit behaviour and allowing the boyfriend of the eldest to more or less move in, openly ignoring dealers outside the house FFS, she can't see that it's history repeating itself . You tell them in no uncertain terms to fuck off out I can't understand why you let them move in in the first place, it's not a doss house.

YANBU to want these young people out of your home, and you deserve to be able to live there without being abused and disrespected.

If you want her out, your son will go with her, you will have to face that fact. You want your nice, lovely son back, but he is an adult who needs to live his own life.
He will respect you more if you are strong, but it might be painful and messy in between.

Kick her out today and don't allow her into your home again the cheeky bitch she is are free loader speaking to you like that she needs a slap rude entitled brat tell you son to start paying board or he can leave self entitled rude sod get them both told now if they start ring the police.

It is not as black and white as people think when it comes to your own children

Nobody's pretending it's easy. But you have two choices:

You tell them both that their time is up. You will no longer be abused and have your home treated like a doss house. You won't forever be wondering what one of them might do next. You will start to feel safe again in your own home and be happy to be there. You will feel relief that you put an end to it.

or...

You let them stay. You will continue to be abused and have your home treated like a doss house. You will forever be wondering what one of them might do next. You will never feel completely safe or at ease. You will know that you might as well have 'doormat' tattoed on your forehead.

Your choice.

Edited to add - I agree that the apology is because even they have realised they've pushed it too far and their cushy number might come to an end. Not because they're genuinely sorry. Not that she can even bring herself to say the word.

YANBU OP

Also…I’m not sure why you are so concerned about him moving out…he’s an adult that’s what he SHOULD be doing, no?

No one should disrespect you, especially in your own home. The first time that happened she should have been out the door.

Give her an ultimatum, on the proviso that if she disrespects you in any way before the leaving date, you'll chuck her out immediately.

You need to get tough on this. You are doing yourself a massive disservice by putting up with this shit.

Would womens I'd be able to help, or does it have to be a partner to qualify as domestic abuse? OP is being abused by adults living in her home so it feels as if it should fit their criteria!

@55goingon15 She is a malign influence on your son- They both are parasitising your home- not helping in any way, just being a security risk and abusive to you.

Get them out.

I’m shocked your son didn’t stand up for you!

Is he c*nt struck?
is he younger than her?

It’s a very poor show that they are abusive to you and living rent free.

Get her out

If son follows, so be it- hopefully this relationship won’t last.