How to get son's girlfriend out of my house

I completely agree. They have crossed a line and don’t deserve notice or consideration, for that matter.

It sounds like the girlfriend and possibly even the son may become physically abusive. It happens – my own mum found herself in a situation where a young relative moved in, took advantage and before long there were others living there doing the same. They became physically abusive and mum was afraid in her own home.

You can’t protect your son from the world. He is an adult and you are enabling him, not helping him. Get them out. Think about getting someone (preferably someone big and strong) to be there with you. Out they go and locks changed. Your situation can and will get worse if you allow them to continue living with you.

Why are you engaging in screaming matches with people 20 years younger than you? At this point, you are all adults but acting like children. If your son is accepting of his girlfriends behaviour he is no better, and she didn’t force him to start smoking etc. he’s his own person, and has shown you who that person is.

give them a deadline and don’t engage any further. Simply “this arrangement isn’t working out any longer and you’ll need to leave by X date”. If they haven’t found somewhere else by then, pack their belongings and change the locks.

That's the only way to end this shitshow.

Some of the people commenting here are making my brain numb… everybody is saying kick them o which is obvious as you’ve asked for help/advise on how to get them to leave!! You are asking for a solution, is there anybody you are close to? A friend or male relative that support you? I would suggest having the discussion with them about finding somewhere else to live with another person present to reiterate what you are saying and make it clear they have to leave as soon as they’ve found somewhere else to go. I think a male friend or relative is especially important if your son has violent outbursts as mentioned.

Totally agree with this! Why would you put up with it? You say it turns into a slanging match, just tell her 'you're no longer welcome here, pack your bags and get out'. If she refuses, call the police there and then, and let your disrespectful son go too. If he choses to come back, lay down ground rules before you even think of letting him move in, and if he shows any signs of moving another girl/woman in with him, then again, you lay ground rules, they pay rent, and for their own food, and do certain agreed jobs in the house. Failure to do so, equals notice to leave.

Put them out OP. Your son shouldn’t stand back and let her speak to you this way or treat your house like that. They’re living there stack free and think they can behave like that? Absolutely no chance. If they can afford to vape and smoke weed, they can afford to pay you digs.

Agree @Patchymum and @Gettingonmygoat

100 x this!!

Why do you "obviously" not want your son to go? Look at how he treats you and allows some random woman he's brought into your house (did you even give permission?) to treat you. He has zero respect for you, plus he's a grown man! I bet loads of people in here were parents themselves by his age.

Are you really that lonely? Kick him out and get yourself out with some friends or join a local club or something. You don't need this shit. Time to start thinking of yourself a bit and valuing yourself. You don't have to turn ypur back on your boy, but you sure as hell don't need to let him walk all over you either

No notice, they will potentially kick ff during that time if you give them a week. Have someone with you, go out and tell them they need to leave before you get home. If they disagree call the police.

This. Your son will be back when they inevitably split up. It’s up to you whether you welcome him home. Good luck. I feel for you x

As a fellow single parent, I want to be kind. I know you probably don’t want to be alone and I sense this is your biggest fear in asking them to leave.

But your son is still learning and moving out might be the best way he will stop having violent outbursts and perhaps drug taking too, as non-related people are less likely to put up with their poor behaviour. He might be motivated to improve his earning capacity. He is also be more likely to break up with the girlfriend who clearly isn’t a good partner for him as reality crashes on their lives. He may thank you later, as it is a parental act to put boundaries in place.

My daughter (21) is moving out soon and while I will miss her it’s going to be a really good learning curve for her. It will massively improve her self esteem.

Accept your son may move out with her and things will be the better for it!

The whole living arrangement sounds terrible anyway - total clash of lifestyles and interests.
They are being irresponsible 20 somethings living how they like with no regard for others which is okay if you have your own place but so disrespectful in someone else's home.
I imagine you constantly on at them makes them feel nagged at - it's just a shitty way for all involved to live.

Point being - they need to move out regardless of this latest episode.

Her response to you asking them to tidy up and lock the front door was to call you awful names?

That isn't really a normal response, what is she like to your son?

Two weeks notice? I would say you want her out tomorrow. If he chooses to go with her that’s fine, or he can stay, start paying for his keep and showing some respect.

I'm with @Bellsbeachwaves beyond shocking. I couldn't allow abuse like that. You've said your son has issues. Could you be so accustomed to it you don't know where, or how, to draw the line? He's not a child. It really is a needs must situation for your mental, and possibly physical, health. I hear how difficult this is, but Please get them both out.

Screwfix does the lock part. Easy to change you get 3 keys for about £10 and you only need a screwdriver to change it.

Just say she needs to go. If your son goes too I don't think there is much you can do. You certainly shouldn't have to put up with her rudeness.

I think you'll just have to say it's not working out. Give her a date and stick to it. Also much firmer ground rules need to be put in place with your son.

I lived with my ILs twice - both times for less than 2 months while moving. We were grateful, respectful, tidy and paid towards bills. His mum did my laundry which I didn't like, she'd come into the room to get it and comment on my 'skimpy knickers' but I'm going off on one. I'm just saying I was very respectful that I was in someone else's home.

Calling you unrepeatable names? Out.

I can’t nor would I want to begin to imagine how she speaks to and treats her own parents if is that’s is speaks to you!!!! I agree with PP no notice no ifs buts maybes about she leaves. Yes your son will probably take her side and go with her, there’s no much you can do about that, I’m afraid. However one day he’ll be back when he realizes what an abuse nasty crank she is. It’s a case of love is blind at the moment.

@Mybusyday

'I don't think it is as easy as this. Do you have DC? Could you honestly say that you would do this?'

It really is as easy as that. If my son behaves like the ops son he would have been kicked out and taught an important life lesson of 'Don't bite the hand that feeds you.'

If they're not paying tenants I doubt they need any notice.

You don't feel safe is what I'm getting from this post as your scared of his reaction. So get another adult present of you can and ask them to leave set a deadline. Tell them it's her that needs to go and he's welcome to stay ( if it was me I'd get them both to go so he learns soke manners) let him go OP. Few weeks max where they're sofa surfing and realising it's not cheap will make them grow up and he's be begging to come back home on your terms. You really will be parenting right and doing him a favour. All your doing now is making his life difficult a few years down the line when he needs to be independent

They both need to leave for sure, they are not going to split up no matter how much you wish for it. At least this way you won't have to deal with them daily. They are adults!! Tell them it's time to find their own place as this arrangement isn't working. How dare she call you names living free of charge in your home!! Makes me angry just thinking about it.